Ren Faire: a Tale From the Tome of Bill
Rule of Three Blogfest
The misfortune is resolved/accepted.
There is a new arrival in town.
Word count: 573
Part 1: Bill
Part 2: Tom
Part 3: Ed
Part 4: Back to Bill for the "epic" conclusion...
“Well that was disappointingly easy.” remarked Ed as we made our way back to the surface via torchlight.
“Says you!” I griped as I continued to hobble along. “You didn’t get a broadsword shoved through your goddamned leg. Next time listen to me when I tell you I’m not possessed anymore!”
“I don’t know what you’re bitching about.” said Tom, “And I quote...Only the caress of a lovers kiss shall vanquish the darkness back to the abyss... Stupid fucking prophesy! Chosen one, my ass!”
I glared at him in the dim light. “Let us never speak of that again!”
“I thought it was kind of cute.” quipped Ed.
“Fuck you, dude. Just do me a favor and put a stake through my heart if I ever decide to follow some psycho ghost bitch to the gates of Hell again.”
“Gladly!” added Tom as we continued our upward trek. “Although speaking of ghosts, I thought you said she was hot.”
“Well she was.” I replied with a smirk.
“She only had half of a face!”
“Yeah, but that half was pretty hot.”
“I don’t know. I couldn’t tell with all of the pus dripping off of it!” he spat.
“Oh Relax! She was still better looking than your last girlfriend.” Ed commented. “But then again so were those trolls that were attacking the gate.”
Tom tried to scowl at us but eventually just gave up and laughed. “I have to admit those things were wicked cool. But not as cool as that group of goblin berserkers that went all apeshit against them.”
I nodded and then added, “Personally I liked when the dragon showed up and started eating them all.”
We finally made it back to the ladder leading out of the mines. We climbed up and exited the store to find that the sun was still peeking over the horizon. We hadn’t been gone as long as I had thought. To avoid toasting myself, I put my cloak and executioner’s hood back on and then turned to my companions.
“What now?” I asked.
“What now!?” replied Ed, incredulously. “Now we get out of this asshole town before anything else stupid happens.” With that he started leading us back to the car, but not before telling Tom, “That’s the last vacation you get to plan.”
“What!?” he whined. “At least it wasn’t boring.”
“Don’t make me deck you.” I said in response as we neared the vehicle.
Suddenly I stopped dead in my tracks as the sound of multiple footsteps caught my ear. “Guys, we’re not alone.” I whispered to my friends.
We turned as a group to find three large men approaching us.
“Uh oh.” sputtered Tom. “I think we missed a few.”
“It figures!” spat Ed. “I knew we recited that fucking spell wrong!”
“Stow it and get behind me!” I hissed as the brutes came closer.
They were clearly dressed for battle. They wore heavy leather armor adorned with furs. Multi-colored war-paint was slathered on their faces in a variety of tribal symbols. Worst of all, each carried a large, nasty looking battleaxe.
I tensed myself for action as the one in front stopped and looked me over.
There was a pause as his eyes locked with mine and then he turned to his companions and said, “I told you this was the right place! Nobody would name a town Renaissance and then not host a Ren Faire in it.”