Oct 19, 2011

Ren Faire: Part 3

Ren Faire: a Tale From the Tome of Bill

Rule of Three Blogfest
Prompt: Betrayal is in the air
Word count: 592

Part 1: Bill
Part 2: Tom


Part 3: Ed

It’s pretty hard to kill someone who’s already dead. Tom and I would have been messed up six ways to Sunday by the fall that Bill had just sustained. Fortunately his vampire physique was able to shrug it off. Unfortunately the rest of him wasn’t able to shrug off the need to whine about it.

“Ow! That fucking hurt!” he called up.

“Watch that first step.” Tom, ever helpful in these situations, yelled back.

“Screw you!”

“At last your true feelings for me emerge.”

“Enough!” I interrupted. “You two can get a room later. For now let’s get you out of there, Bill.”

“No!” he replied. “Kymara says this is the right way. Try to find a rope to....huh, what’s that?”


“She says there’s a trapdoor in the corner with a ladder leading down...Could’ve told me that sooner!”

As Bill continued arguing with his spectral companion, we found the door and descended downward by the light of my phone. As we did, I wondered if I was alone in feeling paranoid. Bill and Tom both seemed blissfully clueless as usual, but I’ve seen enough movies to be wary of following a ghost into the bowels of the earth. Oh well, friends don’t abandon friends...tempting as it might be.

After meeting up, we were directed down a steadily descending path for almost an hour. Bill finally stopped and, of course, that’s when my phone gave out. Great! Vampires can see in the dark, but Tom and I were screwed.

However, before we could complain, Bill gasped, “Unbelievable!”


“It’s amaz....” He started to answer when suddenly a torch flickered to life on the wall.

More torches lit up, illuminating a cavern some fifty feet across. The whole spontaneous ignition thingee was almost certainly a bad omen, although I’ll admit it was also pretty fucking awesome to watch. However, that wasn’t even the wildest part of it.

“Holy Tolkien’s wet dream, batman!” exclaimed Tom.

Standing before us was a legion of the dead, literally. Mummified corpses in full medieval battle armor and weaponry stood at attention. They were arranged in a semi-circle, all facing the far end of the cave.

“The guardians of the Kastanes.” Bill said in a whisper. “Tasked with holding the accursed gates of Heriot’s Pass.” and then louder, “That’s what Kymara says anyway.”

“Oddly fitting.” I remarked, gaping at the massive portcullis that filled the opposite end of the chamber. It was heavily fortified yet showed signs of stress as if something had once attempted to gain entrance from the other side.

“Check it out guys!” suddenly cried Tom. We turned to find him swinging a sword swiped from one of the corpses. “Crush your them before you!” *sigh* He is such a twit.

“Chill out, Legolas.” I said right before I was drowned out by a booming disembodied voice...a female voice I might add. Surprised? Neither was I.


“What the hell...” Bill started to say when suddenly he was enveloped in a white light. “Kymara, what the fuck are...” his body started convulsing. He turned toward us and yelled, “Run! I can’t...stop...she’s...taking...ov...”

Before we could do anything to help, the spasms stopped. He smiled and a voice came from his mouth that was most certainly not Bill’s.

“Freedom will finally be ours.” the new voice purred as Bill’s fangs extended. “Right after dinner.”

“Oh shit!” muttered Tom. “What do we do?”

“Don’t ask me.” I replied as Bill stepped towards us. “You’re the one who called dibs.”

To Be Concluded...


Book Republik Blog said...

"Holy Tolkein's wet dream Batman" - that's the second time you've made me laugh out loud Rick. Cheers.

Like your irreverent humour... and you're not afraid to swear which is always good in a writer. Keep it up mate.

Anonymous said...

Amazing how all the "chicks" in your stories wind up taking over!!!
Not as much humour in this one, but definitely just as intriguing.
Great job!

Kurt Hartwig said...

Good thing there's still a week left. Is Bill always that trusting of the Other Dead?

Anonymous said...

Oh my. Dinnertime!! Anxiously awaiting next week.

Misha Gerrick said...

Lol did I mention I love your style?

My favorite moment: "Friends don't abandon friends... tempting as it may be."

I just catches the feeling I get from the three characters. Well done. :-)

David P. King said...

Great opening! And what an awesome way to shift responsibility at the end. How on earth are you going to wrap this up next week?

Rick G said...

Misha, thanks! They kind of fit my mold for what a true friend is: someone who drives you absolutely nuts 99% of the time but would never let you face the hounds of hell alone. :)

David, I can say with all honesty: I have absolutely no idea. :)

Li said...

Making my rounds of the 3rd week entries :-) A mummified army - I'm expecting them to come to life at the wrong moment...

Lady's Knight said...

I like how your story twists and turns on a rapidly accelerating ride. Great Dialogue...

May-Day_Aura said...

Heh, those poor guys... I have to admit, I did foresee bad things happening to them after following the ghost-lady though. I'm curious to see how you end this story. I love the humor and the friendship between the characters.

Anonymous said...

I love the grabber first line here: It's pretty hard to kill someone who's already dead. That was a killer first line! :D