Ren Faire: a Tale From the Tome of Bill
Rule of Three Blogfest
The misfortune is resolved/accepted.
There is a new arrival in town.
Word count: 573
Part 1: Bill
Part 2: Tom
Part 3: Ed
Part 4: Back to Bill for the "epic" conclusion...
“Well that was disappointingly easy.” remarked Ed as we made our way back to the surface via torchlight.
“Says you!” I griped as I continued to hobble along. “You didn’t get a broadsword shoved through your goddamned leg. Next time listen to me when I tell you I’m not possessed anymore!”
“I don’t know what you’re bitching about.” said Tom, “And I quote...Only the caress of a lovers kiss shall vanquish the darkness back to the abyss... Stupid fucking prophesy! Chosen one, my ass!”
I glared at him in the dim light. “Let us never speak of that again!”
“I thought it was kind of cute.” quipped Ed.
“Fuck you, dude. Just do me a favor and put a stake through my heart if I ever decide to follow some psycho ghost bitch to the gates of Hell again.”
“Gladly!” added Tom as we continued our upward trek. “Although speaking of ghosts, I thought you said she was hot.”
“Well she was.” I replied with a smirk.
“She only had half of a face!”
“Yeah, but that half was pretty hot.”
“I don’t know. I couldn’t tell with all of the pus dripping off of it!” he spat.
“Oh Relax! She was still better looking than your last girlfriend.” Ed commented. “But then again so were those trolls that were attacking the gate.”
Tom tried to scowl at us but eventually just gave up and laughed. “I have to admit those things were wicked cool. But not as cool as that group of goblin berserkers that went all apeshit against them.”
I nodded and then added, “Personally I liked when the dragon showed up and started eating them all.”
We finally made it back to the ladder leading out of the mines. We climbed up and exited the store to find that the sun was still peeking over the horizon. We hadn’t been gone as long as I had thought. To avoid toasting myself, I put my cloak and executioner’s hood back on and then turned to my companions.
“What now?” I asked.
“What now!?” replied Ed, incredulously. “Now we get out of this asshole town before anything else stupid happens.” With that he started leading us back to the car, but not before telling Tom, “That’s the last vacation you get to plan.”
“What!?” he whined. “At least it wasn’t boring.”
“Don’t make me deck you.” I said in response as we neared the vehicle.
Suddenly I stopped dead in my tracks as the sound of multiple footsteps caught my ear. “Guys, we’re not alone.” I whispered to my friends.
We turned as a group to find three large men approaching us.
“Uh oh.” sputtered Tom. “I think we missed a few.”
“It figures!” spat Ed. “I knew we recited that fucking spell wrong!”
“Stow it and get behind me!” I hissed as the brutes came closer.
They were clearly dressed for battle. They wore heavy leather armor adorned with furs. Multi-colored war-paint was slathered on their faces in a variety of tribal symbols. Worst of all, each carried a large, nasty looking battleaxe.
I tensed myself for action as the one in front stopped and looked me over.
There was a pause as his eyes locked with mine and then he turned to his companions and said, “I told you this was the right place! Nobody would name a town Renaissance and then not host a Ren Faire in it.”
Dude, hysterical ending. I also liked how it was very low-key, just them talking about what had happened. Much faster that way. Nicely done. And so funny.
Joshua is right. You picked the perfect tone to end your story. My hero, Victor Standish, snickered at "Yeah, but it was a hot half of a face." Roland
Joshua, Roland thanks! I appreciate it. I actually have a full alternate ending (which I might post in a week or so) where I tried to play it out real-time. However, I had to toss it as there was just no way to do it in 600 words and actually end it properly. Was driving me nuts until I decided to do it this way. :)
Oh my God. That was the PERFECT ending. Loved it! xD
Great ending. :)
Nick, Mary thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.
fun! "I told you this was the right place!" and then the repeated line from the first week. :)
Fun story, it read well.
The ending ... hilarious! The horror! And their conversation is great. Loved how you wrapped this all up. Thank you for sharing your writing! :)
Hahahaha loved this ending. Especially the guys in costume. ^_^ Does the story continue?
David, Misha thanks!
Misha, this story itself is over (unless theres a Ren3 followup contest :). However the 3 characters Bill, Ed, and Tom are also from my book series.
Hilarious! Got my vote as the best story from Renaissance.
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