Apr 30, 2014

The Worlds of Bill Fanfic Contest - win big prizes and get published

Announcing The Worlds of Bill Fanfic Contest!

As the launch of Goddamned Freaky Monsters nears, I sit here amazed at how far the Tome of Bill has come since the release of Bill The Vampire. One thing is certain, though, I couldn't have done it without the support of all you wonderful people out there reading this.

Therefore I figure it’s high time to give a little back. What better way to do so than by handing the reins over?  You've seen how I do it, now it’s your chance to show the world how you would do it.

Announcing the Worlds of Bill Fanfic Contest.

What is fanfic?  Well it’s the joy of some and the bane of others. It is, in short, taking what exists and running with it - often times in ways that the creator could (or would) never imagine.

Some writers scowl at it, others ignore it, and still others embrace it as a labor of love by some exceptionally awesome fans.  I prefer to place myself in that latter camp.

As my way of showing enthusiasm, I’m offering a chance to win some big prizes. All you have to do is show me what you've story form.

1) Grand Prize winner will:
  • Win the awesome sum of $300 cash money!*
  • Have their winning entry published as a bonus story in the upcoming Tome of Bill Compendium (volume 2).
  • Receive a signed copy of the Goddamned Freaky Monsters paperback
1 First Prize winner will:
  • Win the slightly less awesome, but still pretty cool sum of $150
  • Receive a signed copy of the Goddamned Freaky Monsters paperback
1 Runner-up will:
  • Win a $50 Amazon Gift Certificate
All finalists will:
  • Be published on this blog for the world to see, enjoy, and cast baleful judgement upon.
*Note: might be a check

How to Enter:
  1. Write a story that takes place in the world of or involves characters from any of the Tome of Bill books.
  2. Try to make sure it doesn't suck or include anything that would get us both arrested.
  3. Add the disclaimer:  "The Tome of Bill is copyright Rick Gualtieri. This story is licensed under the Creative Commons as derivative, noncommercial fiction."
  4. Format it as a Word, PDF, or Text file.
  5. Email it to me (along with your contact info) at:
Depending upon number of entries, I will pick between 5 and 10 finalists. These will be based on originality, entertainment value, and overall readability. All finalists will be posted to this blog for you to read and enjoy.

The Winners will then be chosen by YOU!

Questions?  Of course you have questions.  Well hopefully I have answers...


Q) Do I need to read your crappy stories to join?
A) No, there is no purchase necessary. That being said, it wouldn't hurt to know what you're writing about before you start a fan fiction piece.

Q) How long does my story have to be?
A) Your story should be at least 250 words long. There is no maximum size. Aside from that, feel free to make it as long as it needs to be.

Q) When does the contest start / end.
A) The submission period will be between May 1 - July 1 2014, to give people plenty of time to get writing. Finalist judging will be a rolling process. Online voting for the winners will happen shortly after the submission period ends.

Q) Aside from the above, does anything else need to be in my submission?
A) Well, your name as well as your contact info. You can include a pen name (if you would prefer your real name not be associated with your entry). If you have a website you’d like to make people aware of, send that along (I’m cool with helping you market yourself). Additionally you will need to include a disclaimer with regards to licensing this work under Creative Commons. Something like:

“The Tome of Bill is copyright Rick Gualtieri. This story is licensed under the Creative Commons as derivative, noncommercial fiction.”

Q) Creative Commons?
A)  In a nutshell it means you’re creating a derivative work that you’re not intending to sell for profit or use as basis to sue my pants off.

Q) So I can’t sell it.  What if the Tome of Bill ever becomes a part of the Kindle Worlds program?
A) That’s a whole different ball of wax. If that happens, let me know and we can definitely amend that agreement.

Q) Fess up, you’re just using this contest as story fodder, right?
A) Nope. I have the rest of Bill’s tale plotted out through the end. Likewise I have material enough to keep me busy on other stories for years.

Q) Hey! I entered your stupid contest and then found something similar to my story in a later Bill book that was released. What gives?
A) Blind squirrel and acorn my friend.  See the previous question.  Great minds can in fact think alike.  Just because you figured out that <SPOILERS>: Christy has really been Ed in disguise all along and that Sally is Bill’s birth mother, well, that doesn't mean anything more than it being a coincidence.

Q) Were those real spoilers?
A) What do you think, genius?

Q) Cool!  So I can send you my Bill / Snape / Malfoy slash fiction?
A) Only if your name is JK Rowling.  You can only use my characters and/or original characters of your own making / that you own the rights for in this contest. No borrowing other people’s property.

Q) I’m already a professional author.  Can I join?
A) Of course. I look forward to reading what you can come up with.

Q) Awesome, so can I write a joint collaborative story with you that....
A) Whoa there, Hoss.  This is fan fiction, not a collaboration.  Feel free to email me separately about such things and we can discuss.

Q) Will what I write be considered canon in the Bill universe?
A) Short answer: no.  Long answer: still no.

Q) I’m not particularly funny. Does what I write have to be a comedy?
A) Not at all. You can write horror, romance, steamy erotica, YA drama, etc etc.  You are only limited by your own twisted imagination as to plot, tone, time frame, setting, etc etc.

Q) So nothing is off limits?
A) Let’s not go that far. Anything that goes against Amazon’s content rules and/or will get me put on international watch lists are off limits. 

Q) So for example...
A) I.E. Gansetseg capturing Bill, torturing him, or even marrying him is fine.  Writing a graphic erotica about their wedding night is most certainly not. 

Q) But she’s technically 300 years old...
A) Don’t make me smack you. There’re plenty of physically mature characters in the series if you must get your freak on.  Want a Sally, Tom, and Turd threesome? Go nuts. Keep Gan or any other underage characters out of that stuff, though.

Q) Do I have to pay for a professional editor?
A) Ah, back to the non-creepy questions.  Thank goodness. No. I would prefer that you read through your story for errors and maybe use a spell checker on it, though. If I can’t make sense of it, or it’s a mess, it’s not going to make it to the finals.  That being said, if you are the winner for publication as a bonus story, it will fall upon me to make sure your tale is polished. I will subsequently work with you to ensure the final product retains the spirit you intended. 

Q) Speaking of that whole publishing thing...
A) The winning story will be introduced as bonus content within the Tome of Bill Compendium (vol 2), when it is published, and in conjunction with this contest. I am happy to give the winner exposure along with their story.  Thus I will gladly list your name / pen name as well as link back to any website you may have (if applicable). After that, we can both keep your fingers crossed that it sells a million copies. 

And now for the boring as all hell, but necessary, legalese...

Contest Official Rules
Purchase does not increase chance of winning.
The prizes:
1 Grand Prize winner will receive:
-       - Three-hundred dollars USD ($300) payable via either check or money order.
-      -  A signed paperback copy of Goddamned Freaky Monsters (the Tome of Bill, part 5)
-       - Inclusion as a “bonus story” in the Tome of Bill Compendium (volume 2), upon publication.

1 First Prize winner will receive:
-       - One-hundred and fifty dollars USD ($150) payable via either check or money order.
-       - A signed paperback copy of Goddamned Freaky Monsters (the Tome of Bill, part 5)

1 Runner-up will receive:
-       - A fifty dollar ($50) Amazon Gift Card

No cash or other prize substitution permitted except at Sponsor's discretion. The prize is nontransferable. Any and all prize related expenses, including without limitation any and all federal, state, and/or local taxes shall be the sole responsibility of the winner.
How to enter: You may enter the Contest through the following means:

Email your entry to:
With your enclosed story attached in one of the following formats / file extensions: doc, docx, pdf, txt.

Your entry must include:
  • Your full name
  • Valid email address (if you do not have an email address, print "no email address")
Your story must include:
  • A Title
  • Your pen-name (if different than the above full name)
  • A Creative Commons license disclaimer:
    • “The Tome of Bill is copyright Rick Gualtieri. This story is licensed under the Creative Commons as derivative, noncommercial fiction.”

Alternately you may mail your entry to:
Freewill Press LLC
PO Box 175
Dunellen, NJ 08812

All entries become the exclusive property of Sponsor (Freewill Press LLC) and will not be acknowledged or returned.  You must enter your own name for the Grand Prize. No substitutes, including but not limited to: family, friends, spouse, or children, will be allowed.

Terms and Conditions
  1. By submitting an entry, you fully and unconditionally agree to and accept these Official Rules.
  2. Entries (Submissions) are limited to the United States and District of Columbia and are void where prohibited. All federal, state and local laws and regulations apply. Subject to any governmental approval that may be required, Sponsor reserves the right to, without prior notice and at any time, terminate this contest, in whole or in part, or modify contest in any way, should any factor interfere with its proper conduct as contemplated by these Official Rules. Contest will begin on May 1, 2014 at 12:00 AM Eastern Time (EST) and will continue until July 1 2014 at 11:59 PM EST. Sponsor reserves the right in its sole discretion, to cancel the contest in its entirety, or only the online portion, if it becomes technically corrupted or because of non-authorized human intervention. Entrants hereby grant Sponsor the non-exclusive, royalty-free right and license to the use of their Submission(s), names, voices, and/or likeness for the purpose of advertising, trade, or promotion without further compensation, unless prohibited by law. Any entries which violate these terms may be disqualified based on the sole discretion of the sponsor.
  3. Content. Entries which contain the following content may be rejected at the sole discretion of the Sponsor
    1. Offensive depictions of graphic sexual acts.
    2. Offensive Content
    3. Illegal and/or Infringing Content
      1. Content that violates laws or copyright, trademark, privacy, publicity, or other rights.
    4. Nonsensical Prose
    5. Unedited Content
    6. Content under 250 words in length
  4. Eligibility. Must be at least 18 years old to enter. Employees, officers, characters, or directors of Sponsor, its parent companies, affiliates, subsidiaries, and their children, parents, spouse, and members of their household are ineligible to participate. No purchase or online entry necessary. Contest is open only to legal residents of the United States. A purchase does not enhance your chance of winning.
  5. Effective date of entries. Entries made online will be effective on the day received. Entries submitted by mail will be effective on the date Sponsor receives and processes the entry. All entries become the exclusive property of Freewill Press LLC and will not be acknowledged or returned. You are responsible for your costs of entering, including online access charges, long distance telephone charges, and postage. 
  6. Selection of winners. Finalists will be determined by Sponsor based on the following guidelines: originality, story content, and readability. The winners will be determined via anonymous online vote.  In the case of a tie, the deciding vote will be cast by Sponsor based on originality, story content, and readability. Winners hereby grant Sponsor the non-exclusive, royalty-free right and license to the use of their Submission(s), names, voices, and/or likeness for the purpose of advertising, trade, publishing, or promotion without further compensation, unless prohibited by law.
  7. Display of Submission(s) and Public VotingFinalists' submissions will be posted on on a rolling basis. If a Submission is disqualified or otherwise does not meet the Submission requirements it will not be posted or may be taken down. Visitors will be able to vote for their favorite Submission. The public voting will take place between on or about July 2, 2014 at 12:00:01 AM EST, and July 30, 2014 at 11:59 PM EST. Public voting will determine the three (3) winners. Each visitor is able to vote for their favorite Submissions, but may only vote for a Submission once during the voting period. Use of an automated process or similar device to submit an electronic vote is strictly prohibited. Any attempt to circumvent the one vote limit per Submission or to use automated vote process will subject all votes from the person to disqualification. If a Contestant receives multiple and/or irregular votes  from the same user or users, including but not limited to, votes generated by a robotic, programmed, script, macro, other automated means or other source, the Sponsor reserves the right to disqualify the Contestant in their sole discretion. If the voting process fails to operate properly or appears to be tampered with or tainted with errors, fraud or unfair practices, the Sponsor in its sole discretion reserves the right to use another means to determine the Winners, i.e. random selection or appointing a panel of judges. Contestants may not pay people or provide any other type of consideration in exchange for votes. Any Contestant who violates the ban on paying or providing consideration in exchange for votes will be disqualified. Public votes may be displayed on the competition website, on a real-time basis, before being verified for integrity. These unverified votes do not necessarily reflect accurately the Finalists. The Finalists will be the entrants who are contacted directly by the Sponsor after votes have been verified. Sponsor reserve the right to modify the voting period at anytime for any reason.

    Notification of winners.
     Contest winner will be notified by email.  If not by email than by phone or mail, if applicable. An email will be sent to the winner within one week after the contest is concluded. All decisions are final and binding. Should the email be returned to the Sponsor as invalid, two more attempts will be made via email and one by regular mail if applicable. Winners must contact the Sponsor within 5 calendar days from the date the notification is sent by Sponsor to claim their prize. Failure to contact Sponsor within that 5 day period will result in immediate disqualification of the selected entrant and a new winner will be selected. No exceptions will be made to this rule. Sponsor is not responsible for and shall not be liable for late, lost, misdirected, or unsuccessful efforts to notify winners.

  8. Payment of winners: The monetary, gift card, and/or paperback portions of the prize tiers will be payable within 90 days of the winner(s) being notified.  All portions of prizes dealing with publication within The Tome of Bill Compendium (volume 2) will be awarded upon publication of The Tome of Bill Compendium (volume 2)
  9. Odds of winning. The odds of winning will be determined by the number of eligible entries received. 
  10. In the event of a dispute regarding who submitted an online entry, the entry will be deemed submitted by the authorized account holder of the email account.
  11. Other conditions. Sponsor, its agents and representatives, its parent companies, affiliates, subsidiaries, advertising, promotion and fulfillment agencies and legal advisors are not responsible for and will not be liable for (I) late, lost, damaged, misdirected, incomplete, unintelligible or postage due entries; (II) telephone, electronic, hardware or software program, network, Internet or computer malfunctions, failures or difficulties of any kind; (III) failed, incomplete, garbled or delayed computer transmissions; (IV) any condition caused by events beyond the control of Sponsor that may cause Contest to be disrupted or corrupted; (V) any injuries losses or damages of any kind arising in connection with or as a result of the Contest, or from participation in the Contest; or (VI) any printing or typographical error in any material associated with the Contest.  Grand Prize Winner must agree to the use of their names, voices, and/or likeness for the purpose of advertising, trade, or promotion without further compensation, unless prohibited by law.
  12. Copyright: The Tome of Bill and all characters that appear in it, past, present, and future are the property and copyright of Rick Gualtieri. You agree to license all entries under the Creative Commons derivative, noncommercial fiction license. You acknowledge that all submissions to this contest may only contain characters and/or situations 1) from the Tome of Bill, copyright Rick Gualtieri as per the Creative Commons license stated above, 2) that are currently within the public domain, or 3) that are original of your own creation and that you own the rights to.
  13. Indemnification. You agree to release and hold Sponsor, its employees, officers, directors, shareholders, agents, representatives, parent companies, affiliates, subsidiaries, advertising, promotion and fulfillment agencies, and legal advisors, harmless from any and all losses, damages, rights, claims, compensation, royalties, and actions of any kind in connection with the Contest, including without limitation, personal injury, death and property damage, and claims based on publicity rights, copyright, defamation or invasion of privacy. This contest is in no way sponsored, endorsed or administered by, or associated with, Facebook. You understand that you are providing your information to Freewill Press LLC and the contest sponsor, not to Facebook.
  14. Choice of law. All issues and questions concerning the construction, validity, interpretation and enforceability of these Official Rules, or the rights and obligations of you and Sponsor in connection with the Contest, will be governed by, and construed in accordance with, the substantive laws of the New Jersey.

Apr 18, 2014

Goddamned Freaky Monsters (the Tome of Bill, Part 5): Teaser 1

Goddamned Freaky Monsters
I am very pleased to present the cover, blurb, and first teaser for
Goddamned Freaky Monsters: The Tome of Bill, part 5

Coming soon!

There are reasons we fear the night. Now he’s trying to stop them.

Three months have passed since the fateful encounter in New York City that ended with the disappearance of Bill Ryder - gamer, geek, and legendary vampire. Now he’s back - reawakened halfway across the globe with no allies, clothing, or clue as to how he got there. The only thing he’s certain of is that his captors plan to use him for their own nefarious ends and don’t care how much blood they spill in the process.

Escape might be the least of his worries, though. Civilization teeters on the brink of chaos. Mythical beasts, once thought the stuff of fantasy, are breaking through the veil, intent on waging war against mankind. At their forefront stands an ancient evil, the last remnant of a people thought long dead, and it’s about to cut a swath of destruction through the world not seen since biblical times.

Bill’s only chance is to reclaim his life, reconcile with his friends, and muster every bit of attitude he can - because if he fails, Hell on Earth will become far more than just a corny saying.

“Welcome to the chamber of seers, Freewill,” Alex said from beside me. “Here our elder prophets gaze out across the planes so as to divine the mysteries they hold.”

“Doesn’t look like they see much of anything to me.”

“In that you are quite mistaken.”

The couple across the way each flashed a set of fangs at us. Whoever they were, they didn’t seem all that pleased at our entrance.

They took a step toward us when a deep bass rumbled in the chamber as if someone had struck a massive gong somewhere.

The bearded seer immediately disengaged from the two he’d been huddled with and sat back in his place at the circle.

Alex’s hand fell upon my shoulder and he gently guided me back a step. The two others across from us likewise backed up, seemingly respectful in how they did so.


“Shhh,” Alex quietly shushed me. From his tone, I gathered it would probably be unwise to interrupt, especially since I was well within pummeling reach.

Silence returned to the room as the seated figures placed their hands upon the iron rods in front of them. Smoke rose from their skin where the hot metal touched. Ouch.

But that was nothing compared to what came next.

The bearded one muttered something unintelligible, at which point the rest answered in kind. They lifted the rods, ends glowing red hot, and proceeded to jam the near molten metal into their already ruined eye-sockets.

“Holy shit!”

All eyes - and lack thereof - in the room immediately trained upon me. Uh oh.

The leader of the gouging cult raised a finger at me and screeched something that I couldn’t make out. Call me cynical, but I had a feeling it wasn’t “Hello.”

A moment later, he followed up with a compulsion to his buddies. His words were still indecipherable, but the meaning translated in my brain. “KILL THE BLASPHEMER!!

Almost as one, the weirdos sitting around the pit plucked the burning rods from their skulls and stood, brandishing them as weapons. Great. Not only was I about to get my ass killed, but it was going to be with red-hot pokers coated in burnt eye-juice.

The couple that had been conversing with the elder whackjob stepped back, smirks on their faces. They’d come for the conversation, but were apparently staying for the floorshow. How wonderful.

Oh well, I might’ve been outnumbered, but they were just a bunch of blind nutjobs. I was debating how best to handle things when Alex stepped in front of me.

“Desino!” he commanded, whatever the fuck that meant. For all I knew, he was encouraging them.

I stepped to the side to get a better view of what they’d do, only to find their heads all turning to track me - definitely creepy. Just what I needed - a fight against a group of Daredevil wannabes.

Alex turned his head and directed his words at the couple who still stood there smirking like douche-nozzles. The woman threw a dirty look back his way in response, but nothing more.

The nearest of the eyeless monks was almost within reach to clonk me with his crowbar of doom when Alex said something else to the couple, a distinctly angry tone in his voice.

The woman let out a disgusted sigh, then she and her companion joined in shouting foreign phrases at the blind lynch mob. More words followed until, finally, the angry snarl left the old guy’s face and he held up a hand. His fellows immediately stopped in their tracks. Neat trick.

A moment later, the eyeless minions shuffled back to their spots around the circle. Phew! Before joining them, though, their leader turned toward me and bared his teeth - showing his gnarled fangs. He hissed in my direction, then spat on the floor.

I kept my mouth shut at the implied insult, not wanting to agitate the old fuck any further. I’d seen enough kung-fu movies to know that never turned out well.

I did, however, flip him the finger.

Alex stepped once more to stand at my side. “That is really not helping your situation, Freewill.”

“They’re the ones who overreacted.”

“Overreacted?” The woman's tone was one of outrage, but at least she spoke English. “You were the one fool enough to interrupt.”

“Sorry. I didn’t realize that there were rules to an eye-gouging circle jer...urk!”

She was across the room before I could finish the sentence, lifting me from the floor by the throat. Okay, perhaps I needed to rethink my attitude.

“Theodora, please,” Alex said, almost sounding bored. “Kindly release our guest.”

“He is an insolent lout. Need I remind you that we do not tolerate...”

“You need remind me of nothing. That is the Freewill you are holding. What I suggest is for your own benefit, not his.”

This is the Freewill? Hah! He looks nothing like the magnificent beast your men captured.”

Magnificent beast? I would’ve replied to that, but my windpipe was currently being crushed...although considering my assailant’s appearance, I might’ve categorized it more as autoerotic asphyxiation

“Go right ahead and see for yourself, though I would caution you release him before doing so. He is more than your equal should you anger him.”

Well, that was a load of bullshit if ever I’d heard one. Right then, my best defense would have consisted of wheezing and passing out.

To my amazement, though, the angry hottie lowered me to the floor and let up on the pressure ever so slightly. “Very well, Alexander.” She turned to face me, eyes becoming as black as her dress. “ON YOUR KNEES!! LAP THE BOTTOM OF MY BOOT CLEAN LIKE THE DOG YOU ARE!!

The compulsion felt like a good solid kick to the head. My eyes rolled back for a moment from the force of it. Whoever this chick might be, she wasn’t anyone to mess with. Even so, the most powerful of compulsions might be able to knock me on my ass, but they still did shit in the way of making me obey.

I meant to say something moderately respectful with regards to her inability to control me, but at the last second opted to be a bit more direct.

“Fuck you, Cinderella.”