What follows is the conclusion in the series of interviews I conducted over the past several months as I researched material for my books. I have copied them here verbatim from the tapes I made of our sessions.
Read Session 1: A Fucked-up Interview with the Vampire
Read Session 2: Death Never Looked so Good
Read Session 3: Bad Things Come in Small Packages
Read Session 4: Normalcy is Overrated
The following is the last of my taped sessions. It’s also the weirdest. I don’t recall having conducted it or having even met the person I spoke with. Yet when I played back my tapes to transcribe all of these, there it was. Who knows what else I don’t remember. Perhaps we’ll never know. All I do know is that I’ve lived to tell my tale...for now.
Me: Please state your name.
Christy: My name is Christine Fenton...Christy for short.
Me: It’s a pleasure to meet you, Christy. I’ll cut right to the chase. I’ve been told by your boyfriend, Tom McIntyre, that you are an actual witch.
Christy: Yes I am.
Me: Care to elaborate?
Christy: Sure. I am a wielder of the power primal.
Me: The power primal?
Christy: The power that flows in all of us and is all around us.
Me: Sounds very new-age.
Christy: That’s the wiccans’ fault. And before you ask, no they’re not real witches. Ever see a wiccan do this? (holds up a hand and suddenly a crackle of energy erupts from it)
Me: No...I can’t say that I have. So you’re telling me that, much like vampires, magic is real?
Christy: Oh most certainly. You’ve probably seen it yourself. Most people can tap into it slightly...just barely enough to notice. If you’ve ever had déjà-vu, a dream that came true, or even found your keys in the same spot where they weren’t just a second ago...you’ve most likely had a brush with it. The only difference is that people like me, witches and wizards, can use it much more pro-actively.
Me: So where’s your wand?
Christy: Oh please don’t start that! There are no wands. I don’t use my broom for anything other than sweeping. And no, I do not have a diploma from any place with the word Hog in it. However, if you’d like to see my version of Avarda Kedarva... I’d be more than happy to oblige. I warn you though; it’s a bit messier than in the movies.
Me: Err...maybe we should move along...
Christy: Please do.
Me: So how did you wind up dating Bill’s roommate, Tom.
Christy: It’s kind of a funny story. My coven master...
Me: I thought covens were...
Christy: Yeah, I’ve heard that to. Supposedly we stole the idea from vampires. Whatever. At least we give the word some class. Anyway, my master, Harry Decker, assigned me to ascertain whether or not Bill was the Freewill of our legends...
Me: Harry Decker? I seem to recall Bill mentioning him...
Christy: It’s bad mojo to interrupt a witch, you know.
Me: Err...sorry. I’m just trying to ask about points of interest.
Christy: Fine. I’ll let it slide for now. Anyway, Bill knows him. He’s the VP of marketing at his company.
Christy: He’s also the leader of my coven, a high adept of the magic arts.
Me: Fascinating. Getting back to Bill, you have legends about the Freewills too?
Christy: Yes. As I was saying, my master sent me to determine whether Bill was the vampire of legend. I got a job in the same place as his roommate and began to work my magic on him, figuratively speaking.
Christy: Well ok, a little actual magic too. It didn’t take much though.
Me: So you’re only dating Tom to spy on Bill?
Christy: Well I was. However, he kind of grew on me after a while. So now he’s really my boyfriend. What can I say, he makes me laugh.
Me: And Bill?
Christy: Nothing personal against him. He seems like an ok guy. However, he still has to die.
Christy: Because his coming heralds disaster for my kind. The Icons will rise again and smite us.
Christy: Icons of Faith. It’s hard to explain, but Icons are rare people who have powers that make them deadly to both vampires and magic wielders. Their touch burns vampires and they can resist our powers. That Bill is the Freewill foretells their return as well.
Me: That sounds like it would be just as bad for the vampires as for you.
Christy: Tough noogies for them. At the end of the day, magic or not, I’m still a person. The vampires, well most of them are just monsters. They won’t be missed.
Me: I see. So why are you telling me all of this? It sounds like an agenda you would probably want to keep under wraps.
Christy: It’s no biggie. It’s not like you’re going to remember any of it.
Me: I’m not sure I follow.
Christy: It’s simple, silly. Watch. (makes a few hand gestures...a few seconds go by and she starts to glow)
Me: That’s fairly impressive. However, I don’t see what that’s going to...
Me: Ugh. Where am I? Who are you?
Christy: You fell and took a nasty bump to your head.
Me: I did?
Christy: Yeah, but don’t worry. You look much better now. I think you’ll be just fine. (walks away)
Me: Hey! Come back....huh, what’s this? (finds recorder in pocket) Man, I gotta stop doing those three margarita lunches.
Christy is a character in my book:
Scary Dead Things
Thank you for reading my interviews from the vampire underworld! I sincerely hope my suffering has been your entertainment.