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Apr 18, 2014

Goddamned Freaky Monsters (the Tome of Bill, Part 5): Teaser 1

Goddamned Freaky Monsters
I am very pleased to present the cover, blurb, and first teaser for
Goddamned Freaky Monsters: The Tome of Bill, part 5

Coming soon!

There are reasons we fear the night. Now he’s trying to stop them.

Three months have passed since the fateful encounter in New York City that ended with the disappearance of Bill Ryder - gamer, geek, and legendary vampire. Now he’s back - reawakened halfway across the globe with no allies, clothing, or clue as to how he got there. The only thing he’s certain of is that his captors plan to use him for their own nefarious ends and don’t care how much blood they spill in the process.

Escape might be the least of his worries, though. Civilization teeters on the brink of chaos. Mythical beasts, once thought the stuff of fantasy, are breaking through the veil, intent on waging war against mankind. At their forefront stands an ancient evil, the last remnant of a people thought long dead, and it’s about to cut a swath of destruction through the world not seen since biblical times.

Bill’s only chance is to reclaim his life, reconcile with his friends, and muster every bit of attitude he can - because if he fails, Hell on Earth will become far more than just a corny saying.

“Welcome to the chamber of seers, Freewill,” Alex said from beside me. “Here our elder prophets gaze out across the planes so as to divine the mysteries they hold.”

“Doesn’t look like they see much of anything to me.”

“In that you are quite mistaken.”

The couple across the way each flashed a set of fangs at us. Whoever they were, they didn’t seem all that pleased at our entrance.

They took a step toward us when a deep bass rumbled in the chamber as if someone had struck a massive gong somewhere.

The bearded seer immediately disengaged from the two he’d been huddled with and sat back in his place at the circle.

Alex’s hand fell upon my shoulder and he gently guided me back a step. The two others across from us likewise backed up, seemingly respectful in how they did so.


“Shhh,” Alex quietly shushed me. From his tone, I gathered it would probably be unwise to interrupt, especially since I was well within pummeling reach.

Silence returned to the room as the seated figures placed their hands upon the iron rods in front of them. Smoke rose from their skin where the hot metal touched. Ouch.

But that was nothing compared to what came next.

The bearded one muttered something unintelligible, at which point the rest answered in kind. They lifted the rods, ends glowing red hot, and proceeded to jam the near molten metal into their already ruined eye-sockets.

“Holy shit!”

All eyes - and lack thereof - in the room immediately trained upon me. Uh oh.

The leader of the gouging cult raised a finger at me and screeched something that I couldn’t make out. Call me cynical, but I had a feeling it wasn’t “Hello.”

A moment later, he followed up with a compulsion to his buddies. His words were still indecipherable, but the meaning translated in my brain. “KILL THE BLASPHEMER!!

Almost as one, the weirdos sitting around the pit plucked the burning rods from their skulls and stood, brandishing them as weapons. Great. Not only was I about to get my ass killed, but it was going to be with red-hot pokers coated in burnt eye-juice.

The couple that had been conversing with the elder whackjob stepped back, smirks on their faces. They’d come for the conversation, but were apparently staying for the floorshow. How wonderful.

Oh well, I might’ve been outnumbered, but they were just a bunch of blind nutjobs. I was debating how best to handle things when Alex stepped in front of me.

“Desino!” he commanded, whatever the fuck that meant. For all I knew, he was encouraging them.

I stepped to the side to get a better view of what they’d do, only to find their heads all turning to track me - definitely creepy. Just what I needed - a fight against a group of Daredevil wannabes.

Alex turned his head and directed his words at the couple who still stood there smirking like douche-nozzles. The woman threw a dirty look back his way in response, but nothing more.

The nearest of the eyeless monks was almost within reach to clonk me with his crowbar of doom when Alex said something else to the couple, a distinctly angry tone in his voice.

The woman let out a disgusted sigh, then she and her companion joined in shouting foreign phrases at the blind lynch mob. More words followed until, finally, the angry snarl left the old guy’s face and he held up a hand. His fellows immediately stopped in their tracks. Neat trick.

A moment later, the eyeless minions shuffled back to their spots around the circle. Phew! Before joining them, though, their leader turned toward me and bared his teeth - showing his gnarled fangs. He hissed in my direction, then spat on the floor.

I kept my mouth shut at the implied insult, not wanting to agitate the old fuck any further. I’d seen enough kung-fu movies to know that never turned out well.

I did, however, flip him the finger.

Alex stepped once more to stand at my side. “That is really not helping your situation, Freewill.”

“They’re the ones who overreacted.”

“Overreacted?” The woman's tone was one of outrage, but at least she spoke English. “You were the one fool enough to interrupt.”

“Sorry. I didn’t realize that there were rules to an eye-gouging circle jer...urk!”

She was across the room before I could finish the sentence, lifting me from the floor by the throat. Okay, perhaps I needed to rethink my attitude.

“Theodora, please,” Alex said, almost sounding bored. “Kindly release our guest.”

“He is an insolent lout. Need I remind you that we do not tolerate...”

“You need remind me of nothing. That is the Freewill you are holding. What I suggest is for your own benefit, not his.”

This is the Freewill? Hah! He looks nothing like the magnificent beast your men captured.”

Magnificent beast? I would’ve replied to that, but my windpipe was currently being crushed...although considering my assailant’s appearance, I might’ve categorized it more as autoerotic asphyxiation

“Go right ahead and see for yourself, though I would caution you release him before doing so. He is more than your equal should you anger him.”

Well, that was a load of bullshit if ever I’d heard one. Right then, my best defense would have consisted of wheezing and passing out.

To my amazement, though, the angry hottie lowered me to the floor and let up on the pressure ever so slightly. “Very well, Alexander.” She turned to face me, eyes becoming as black as her dress. “ON YOUR KNEES!! LAP THE BOTTOM OF MY BOOT CLEAN LIKE THE DOG YOU ARE!!

The compulsion felt like a good solid kick to the head. My eyes rolled back for a moment from the force of it. Whoever this chick might be, she wasn’t anyone to mess with. Even so, the most powerful of compulsions might be able to knock me on my ass, but they still did shit in the way of making me obey.

I meant to say something moderately respectful with regards to her inability to control me, but at the last second opted to be a bit more direct.

“Fuck you, Cinderella.”

Mar 5, 2014

The War Against Reviewer Anonymity

UPDATE: It might not mean much in the grand scheme of things, but I created my own petition asking Amazon to protect the privacy of its users. Feel free to check it out if you agree.

There’s been a bit of a blow-up in the past few days regarding a new petition on asking that Amazon disallow reviewing and posting within their forums anonymously.  Further gasoline was poured on the proverbial fire when bestselling author Anne Rice spoke to the Guardian about this - endorsing the petition and offering her own tales of being bullied on the Amazon forums.

In the past, I've touched upon the concept of bullying. If you haven’t read it, please feel free to take a look. Needless to say, I have problems with the above on so many levels, that I’m not sure I’ll be able to cover it all in one blog post.  So let me try to dissect it a piece at a time.

For starters, I fully admit to being a participant in the forum discussion referenced above  - the one Ms. Rice spins her tale of woe from.  It’s a very long forum thread, 400 pages / 10,000 posts in all.  While I wouldn't expect any sane person to try to wade through all of that, I would recommend that one take at least random sampling through it (beginning, middle and end) before automatically jumping onto the bully bandwagon. My perspective from that discussion is quite different - agreeing that while the debate did get quite heated at times, it wasn't nearly the one-sided fear-fest it is being made out to be.  To be perfectly honest, if one can take off their starry-eyed glasses long enough to read this objectively, I think one may in fact question whether this was a case of bullying or a best selling author simply not being overly fond of any who dared to disagree.

I encourage you to at least take a look. Afterwards, if you disagree with my conclusions I welcome the discussion. There is no censorship here (outside of spammers, maybe ;).

Next up is the question of anonymity.  I don’t think anyone will disagree with the concept of the proverbial “internet tough guy”, that person who feels free to be as nasty as can be while hiding behind a username of SeXXXgod69.  They’re out there and they’re often pretty damn annoying. At the same time, there are plenty of valid reasons to not want one’s identity known.  Should someone going through a rough divorce from an abusive spouse have to put their real name on a simple product review and invite potential harassment?  Should any reviewer have to debate against putting a one-star review against a bestseller’s newest novel, for fear of their fans descending upon them in droves?  Heck, should someone have to worry that their next employer might pass over them simply because they enjoyed Fifty Shades of Grey? And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Is it not foolish to punish the many for the sins of the few?

I will also offer the simple logic of author pseudonyms to the equation. It’s a time honored tradition that writers have the option of publishing under an entirely fictitious name (heck, even I have one).  Is it not hypocritical for one side to enjoy that luxury, while the choice is removed from the other? Food for thought.

Then there is the idea of this petition itself. I have no qualms about saying that I love the opportunity that Amazon has given me.  I love book websites such as Goodreads, in which readers can come together and discuss what they loved or hated about the latest big (or small) seller.  I love the current market and what it represents.  What I don’t love is any attempt to massage or game the system in one way or the other, all because a vocal minority has an issue with it.

This is disturbing because it shows a distinct lack of foresight.  Attempting in any way to control the conversation could very well be a step toward destroying that very opportunity we celebrate. Why? Well, where does it end? I certainly know of at least a few authors who wouldn’t mind banning any reviews below five stars. Ridiculous isn’t it? Perhaps not if we consider the ripple effect - that point where self-publishing becomes less an opportunity and more a liability for companies such as Amazon.

Now don’t get me wrong on any of the above. I am entirely against criminal harassment.  I don’t feel anyone should be afraid to be online in any capacity. I’m also not suggesting that this hasn’t happened.  It has. The thing is, only a fool would believe it’s a one-sided affair. I have no doubt there have been authors unfairly targeted. At the same time, I’ve seen reviewers fall into the cross-hairs of less than professional writers for daring to think their book was less than a masterpiece.

To think that authors are unique in being some sort of protected class is silly.  If anything I would worry more about the potential harassment of reviewers. I’m selling a product. I have stake in this game. They don’t. Which one can more easily take their ball and go home with it? Who will ultimately be more hurt in the exchange?

All of that being said, my fear is that this petition will solve little except allowing a select few to abuse the  system - taking an overly liberal view of the concept of bullying and screaming about it until their naysayers are silenced. Poor review? That’s bullying! A snub on social media? That’s harassment! Being placed upon a do-not-buy list? That person’s account should be deleted!  Rather than grow up and put on their big boy / girl undies, they’d rather ruin the system for everyone.  And make no mistake, they will ruin it - even if it is one petition at a time.

As I said, I love this industry and the opportunity if affords me and other aspiring writers. As such, no matter the outcome, I will strive to compete based on my ability to spin a good story. I will not be party to silencing my critics, playing the victim, or doing anything else to put this industry in jeopardy.

Jan 22, 2014

Double Book Review: Project Nemesis and Project Maigo

Project Nemesis and Project Maigo

Been a while since I've done one of these. I'd say it's about time to play catch up a bit...

I don’t make it much of a secret that I’m absolutely in love with giant monster movies.  I've been waiting with barely contained enthusiasm for Legendary’s 2014 Godzilla film to open, hoping for the best yet dreading it might be another heart-breaker like the 1998 Tristar Godzilla.  I've had the Blu-ray of Pacific Rim for just a few weeks and have already watched it multiple times (despite having seen it in the theaters). Suffice it to say, I have seen every single Toho Kaiju movie - most of them several times.

Thus it was with great excitement that I was casually browsing my Amazon recommendations last week and saw Jeremy Robinson’s Project Nemesis appear in the list. This was a pleasant surprise in two ways.  One: obviously a novel about giant monsters smashing shit caused the ten year old kid in me to scream out in joy. Two was that I've read Robinson before and know him to be a skilled fantasy/adventure storyteller so I felt absolutely no trepidation when it came to hitting the purchase button.  I don’t mind taking a leap of faith, but I think it’s occasionally nice to forgo those first date jitters and hop in the car with someone you know can drive.

Project Nemesis is a fascinating read from several levels. The story itself is both unique while still being a loving homage to several Kaiju movies, perhaps the two that come most to mind being the original Godzilla and Frankenstein’s Revenge.  Another unique aspect is the perspective. Robinson alternately tells the story from a first person present perspective from the eyes of the main protagonist, Jon Hudson, to third person past for all of the other characters.  At first this was a little jarring as well as worrisome.  I’m not a fan of first person present, primarily because so few authors do it well.  I find it to be, more often than not, a painful experience.  Yet I was pleasantly surprised to find that Robinson makes it work.  I actually found myself enjoying switching back into Hudson’s eyes after reading what the monster or other characters were up to.  It doesn't hurt that Hudson is a flawed, but ultimately likeable fellow.

The story itself follows your basic sci-fi plot of an experiment gone horribly wrong - resulting in a rapidly growing monster, Nemesis, that’s horrifying yet sympathetic at the same time.  Hudson is at first scoffed at, but then by the time he's finally believed it's too late. The monster has grown too strong and the nation’s military...well, if you've ever seen a Godzilla movie you know how that ends.  The science is ultimately a bit goofy with references to DNA combination, aliens, and ancient gods, but that, too, serves as a loving nod to the genre from the old Ghidorah movies with their invaders from Planet X to newer fare such as Jurassic Park.

The only real downside to the entire experience is the human antagonist, General Gordon, who is given some backstory, but ultimately comes across as a cookie cutter military bad guy - Eeeevil for the sake of nothing more than being evil.  This is minor, though, because every time you meet Gordon you can be sure some violent action in on the horizon and that’s really what one is probably reading a book like this for: tons of city-stomping, gun fights, missiles, and big-ass monsters.  In that aspect, Robinson most certainly does not disappoint.

I had such fun reading this that I immediately bought the sequel, Project Maigo.

If Project Nemesis is Jeremy Robinson’s Godzilla, then Project Maigo is his Destroy All Monsters.  True monster movie fans will also recognize aspects of the original proposed story for GMK: Giant Monster All Out Attack here. It was considerably different than what was eventually filmed (in of itself an awesome monster movie) focusing on the drama of a monster with a human heart.  In true sequel fashion, we’ve gotten all the intros out of the way and jump right into the action - barely ever pausing for a breath.

The action in this one is even more fast and furious than in Project Nemesis.  How could it not?  There’s not one, but six monsters (possibly eight if you count some of the other characters) stomping about causing mayhem.  The  only difference here is that the scale is larger, but less emphasis is given to the human casualties.  Project Nemesis  was heavy on showing the aftermath of the monster’s attack - how real human lives were destroyed.  Project Maigo focuses instead on big explosions and leveled cities. This serves to make the overall tone a bit lighter, which will probably be more in line with those coming for the monster battles.  I can understand this as it once more follows the formula I laid out above. The original Godzilla put a heavy emphasis on the monster’s aftermath.  By the time we reached Destroy All Monsters, though, we just wanted to see shit blow up real good.  This book delivers on that in spades. If anything, I plowed through it even faster than the first.

In this book’s case the only downside is the inclusion of some secondary characters. Robinson has created a shared universe, similar to Stephen King's, and as such characters in one book exist in others. In this case we meet up with Hawkins and Lilly from another of Robinson's novels, Island 731.  Don't get me wrong, I will certainly be picking this novel up to learn about their fascinating back-story. At the same time, though, they don’t really work here. The character of Lilly in particular comes across as a bit of a Deus Ex Machina.  Once again it’s a minor thing, masked by some very nicely laid out action scenes, but their presence still feels a bit like an e-commerce website’s upsell - albeit, one that works as I mentioned above.

All in all I highly recommend both of these books. They make an excellent companion for a long weekend - serving as either the appetizer or dessert for the entree of a monster movie marathon.  If you've ever enjoyed Godzilla, Gamera, or Gorgo stomping across the screen, you would do well to pick up these books.

Project Nemesis for Kindle
Project Maigo for Kindle

Dec 30, 2013

A Tale of Two Tablets: Double Review - Kindle Fire HDX and iPad Air

Another holiday season is rapidly coming to a close. That means a bunch of you probably opened nice shiny new electronics in the past week or so. Likewise, another group is most likely playing the waiting game - deciding what to spend all that Christmas money on.

Allow me to help - with my thoughts on two such items that you may have crossed paths with: The Kindle Fire HDX 7” and the iPad Air.

Now, most gadget reviews focus on specs which are, quite honestly, useless for most people.  For starters what does it matter how many gigahertz something runs at, if you have no freaking clue what a gigahertz is? Secondly, all of the spec-porn in the world is pretty meaningless as long as something works correctly and is priced fairly.  So my goal is to stick with that criteria and hopefully give you some useful advice you don’t need a Rosetta stone to understand.

So onward to the tablets...

Tablet-type devices typically come in 4 flavors: Phone-sized, phablet, small tablet, and full-sized.  We’ll skip those first two. A phone is more of a personal choice anyway I find.  As for phablets (phone/tablet), like the Samsung Galaxy Note, well fuck them - because I really can't stand the word phablet. Seriously, who comes up with this shit?

Small tablets are typically devices in the 7 - 8 inch screen size range. They’re not quite pocket-sized, but they do approximate paperback size. They fit quite nicely into a handbag or backpack and are often comfortable to hold for long periods of time with one hand.  The Kindle Fire HDX 7” not only falls into this category, but as far as I’m concerned it owns it.

I consider small tablets to be mostly consumption devices.  Their small screen size is ideal for reading books, surfing the web, social media, games, and even the occasional movie - in short, leisure activities.  Personally, I find them to be too small to do any real work on, though, outside of maybe email.  That’s okay because Amazon’s device fits that bill perfectly.   It’s the very definition of a consumption device and it’s tied to one of the biggest content repositories out there (duh!).  With but a few taps of the screen you can access movies, games, and quite literally millions of books (hint hint).

That’s not all it is, though. All of the content in the world is going to suck if it’s on a device that sputters along at a maddeningly slow pace. Fortunately, Amazon really knocked it out of the park with this - their 3rd generation of Kindle Fire devices.  The HDX is a solid device with a ton of power and great battery life. You’ll be hard pressed to bring this tablet to its knees.  Best yet, it can all be had for an incredible price.  Seriously, nothing even comes close to touching this at $229 (and Amazon has been running several sales, so you might find it for even less).

It’s easy to use, but alas not quite as easy to use as an iPad.  Fortunately, though, Amazon has this potential weakness covered.  They included what’s known as the Mayday Button onto the HDX.  This is a virtual button that instantly connects you to Amazon’s customer service.  This is a move that’s nothing short of brilliant on their part.  I have dealt with Amazon reps many times over the years and have found them to be nothing short of phenomenal.  Most other companies, be they manufacturers or retailers, are simply not in the same league.  For Amazon to include direct access to their support staff is a major plus in the Kindle Fire’s already sizable arsenal.  What it means is that as long as you have a connection, you never have to worry about being lost in your device. Help is always one tap of the screen away.

There’s only one downside to the HDX 7”.  If you’re not already an Amazon Prime member or otherwise heavily invested in their ecosystem, the HDX might be of less use to you.  The two really are joined at the hip.  However, if you are a Prime member (like me), the two together make for an awesome buy.  It’s hard to go wrong with such a powerful device at such an appealing price.

The Good:
- Great battery life
- Excellent price
- Awesome screen
- Powerful internals mean that very little will slow you down
- Help is available whenever you need it
- A huge content ecosystem of movies, books, games, etc

The Less than good:
- Less intuitive than an iPad for the technology challenged
- Not nearly as useful if you’re not a heavy Amazon user
- All the buttons are located on the back, which can be a little clunky until you learn where they are

iPad Mini:  A good device, but crippled by price or power depending on your choice.  The most recent mini, the one with the retina display, is over a hundred and fifty bucks more than the HDX.  It has a slightly larger screen and a lot more apps, which is nice, but unfortunately I don’t think it’s $150 nicer. Your other option is the older mini, but what you gain in price you lose in power. The original uses what is essentially outdated technology and it’s starting to show.

Google Nexus 7: Another awesome device and likewise at a great price.  You get access to all of Google Play, but I personally find the overall size of their content ecosystem to be inferior.  Still, if you’re not an Amazon fan and don’t want to be glued to them, the Nexus 7 is a good alternate choice.

So called full-sized tablets are usually larger than 8” in screen diameter. Here’s where I change my tune a bit, because I find at this size you can gain the added advantage of a device which is large enough to be comfortably productive on.  A tablet of this size can be used quite well for a full-suite of office applications, making them good choices for both personal and professional use. This is where the second device of this review, the iPad Air, shines.  At $499 for the basic model it’s not a small investment, but I personally feel you get a goodly amount for your dollar.

The iPad air offers a large screen in a small package. It’s thin and light, yet boasts both a powerful processor and all-day battery life. It also has access to Apple’s huge content ecosystem, which quite possibly trumps even Amazon’s.  Even if it doesn’t, the Apple App Store contains apps for everything you’d ever want to use at Amazon: shopping, Kindle books, Prime movies, etc.  In short you can get the best of both worlds on the iPad. As an added bonus, Apple also made some of their core productively apps free this year including: iLife and iWork. You get a full professional office suite, a movie maker, and a great music composition program all included in the price of the tablet.

The iPad Air runs IOS, which personally I feel is the easiest tablet operating system out there for a new user to learn.  Seriously, I’ve seen people give iPads to their toddlers and grandparents and have both surfing the web or playing games within minutes.  IOS also includes Facetime, which is probably the easiest to use video caller out there. It’s a great way to stay in touch with those relatives you stuffed back onto a plane right after the presents were unwrapped.

It’s not all rainbows and unicorns, though. Apple, alas, can be their own worst enemy.  While their customer service is often fast and courteous, they are sticklers for the rules.  While I've found that Amazon will often bend over backwards to make sure their customers are satisfied, Apple will do so only as long as you fall within their guidelines.   Do otherwise, and you’re looking at a potentially costly repair. This is not to say it’s unfair, but it’s still inferior to the experiences I think you'll find with Amazon support.

That being said, I still love the iPad air.  When I’m not parked in front of my desktop, it’s my go-to device for just about anything - including writing my next book.

The Good:
- Possibly the best screen available on a tablet
- Feels a lot smaller than it is
- Great battery life
- Powerful internals
- A huge ecosystem of apps, including Amazon’s
- Pairs nicely if you also have an iPhone
- Can be a legitimate laptop replacement for some

The Less Than Good:
- Pricey
- The warranty is written in stone. Thou shalt not break it and expect to be forgiven.

Kindle Fire HDX 8.9”:  All the same plusses as the Kindle HDX 7”, including the great price, but with a bigger screen.  Regardless, I don’t favor it at this size because, same as with the 7”, Amazon seems to embrace the HDX as primarily a consumption device. In that regards it’s somewhat more limited than the iPad.  Sometimes I actually want to get some work done, and if that’s the case then the HDX is probably not my first choice.

Samsung Galaxy Tablet 10”: Samsung is a popular player in the tablet space, but I’ll be honest I have yet to see a large tablet from them I like. They lack Apple’s or Amazon’s content ecosystem, I find their build quality to be a bit questionable, and frankly I despise Samsung’s customer support.  Just my opinion, but I find their attitude to be “just buy a new device.”  Their aftermarket support isn’t at the top of my favorites list.

Microsoft Surface: Maybe in a couple of years these could be great devices, but not yet.  While I love their typing covers, the tablets themselves are a bit chunky for my tastes.  THey also doesn’t have the app ecosystem of the others yet.  This year’s Surface tablets fixed a lot of the issues with the original generation, but it still seems you’re paying a premium just for the Microsoft name.  If the Surface was $100 cheaper or included their awesome covers (currently a separate purchase) I might think different, but for now I don’t have any reason to recommend one over an iPad air.

There you have it, two devices that you really can't go wrong with.

So what are your thoughts?  I’d love to hear them as well as answer any questions I can.

Dec 16, 2013

Here Be Pirates, Matey!

I'm honored to be guest blogging today about the problem of ebook piracy - or lack thereof - over at the GENXPOSE blog.

Feel free to pop on by and let us know what you think.

Hopefully it's an insightful debate for both authors and readers alike.

Click Here to check it out.

Dec 11, 2013

The Tome of Bill Compendium (volume 1) is released

I am pleased to announce the release of The Tome of Bill Compendium (vol 1). This box set includes the first four novels in my horror/comedy series, offering over 1200 pages of adult-themed horror comedy at a discounted price - just in time for the holidays (purely coincidental, I assure you :).

There are reasons people fear the dark. Bill Ryder isn’t one of them.

Gamer, Geek, and Legendary Vampire - The Tome of Bill is the tale of an unlikely hero who finds himself dragged kicking and screaming into the world of the undead. Despite awesome supernatural powers, loyal allies, and an attitude the size of Brooklyn; the odds are still stacked heavily against him. Bill must fulfill his destiny and save the world from the ancient horrors that threaten it - all while trying to work up the nerve to finally ask out the girl of his dreams.

The Compendium edition (vol 1) contains the first four novels of this best-selling series, over 1000 pages of foul-mouthed horror hilarity in one collection. Big box set savings for even bigger laughs.

Bill Ryder was a dateless dweeb, then he died. Unfortunately for him that was just the beginning of his troubles. He awoke to find himself a vampire, one of the legendary predators of the night. Sadly, fangs or not, he was still at the bottom of the food chain. Now he finds himself surrounded by creatures stronger, deadlier and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst yet, they all want him dead...permanently this time.

One of the most powerful vampires on the planet has given Bill a death sentence. Meanwhile, an immortal princess wants him for an entirely different purpose, one which makes his first issue seem almost preferable. All the while, new and powerful forces have begun to emerge from the shadows around him. Are they friend or foe? Knowing his luck, do you even have to ask?

A war is brewing between ancient enemies from the dawn of time. If it can't be stopped, the veil will be lifted and all of humanity's darkest nightmares will be unleashed to wreak havoc. The vampire nation dispatches Bill to a faraway land to broker peace, but it's not going to be easy. His enemies want him dead. Hell, some of his allies do too. Danger lurks at every turn and in places where he least expects it.

On the eve of war, The Icon - ancient foe of the vampire race - has arisen. Panic is about to break out within the undead ranks and Bill is caught smack dab in the middle of it. Destiny has placed them on a cataclysmic collision course, but there's just one small catch: he's in love with her. Now he finds himself in a race against supernatural assassins to save the person who's fated to destroy him. Talk about being damned if you do.

Also includes bonus Tome of Bill short stories and character interviews

Join Bill in these full-length tales of monsters and bloody mayhem that don't pull any punches when it comes to action, gore, or snarky banter.

The Tome of Bill Compendium (vol 1) is over 360K words of undead insanity by Rick Gualtieri.
Release Date December 2013 – Freewill Press LLC.
Available for $9.99 in all major ebook formats.

Currently available for
Google Play

Oct 15, 2013

Sunset Strip: A Tale From The Tome Of Bill is now available!

I am happy to announce that Sunset Strip (A Tale From The Tome of Bill) has been released!

That means that you can now win a chance to
Get Killed With Bill.

Double Woo!

My name is Sally.

For over thirty years I've prowled the night, one of the undead. In that time I've walked amongst you - a wolf in sheep's clothing - doing unspeakable things, killing countless people.

Now, on the eve of Armageddon, a chance for redemption presents itself. My past has come looking for me, beckoning me back to the city of my rebirth.

Those who killed me the first time are intent on finishing the job. I'm outnumbered and outgunned, but they've got another thing coming if they think I'm outclassed.

Unspeakable horrors, both old and new, await me in the City of Sin, but in the end they're all going to learn one very painful lesson:


Sunset Strip (A Tale From The Tome Of Bill) is 60k words of paranormal fantasy with attitude by Rick Gualtieri, author of Bill The Vampire and Holier Than Thou.

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Coming soon to iTunes, Smashwords, Paperback and Audio Book.