tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51645882728453105692024-03-14T01:37:51.816-04:00The Poptart Manifesto by Rick GualtieriThe Poptart Manifesto by Urban Fantasy author Rick GualtieriRick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.comBlogger197125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-43637929301833649622023-05-16T09:28:00.004-04:002023-05-16T09:28:59.863-04:00Sneak Peek - DEVIANT DARK DRYADS (False Icons - 4)<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidXBwUx3d-NHXY9EzG6SrWw-235m0gRp8n5FKhYUjqUobViRB35XlRPYWLLS1urx5beYgSq1R10pzF-qRG9-MtfGnQTnU_XeKJVIU6plVWRlqpz31UnJlcS3zGXPl2GVvOX-ffGx5TF4itJtemvT89R4Mh6OXhhGT92pMLA-YsYUfLIpo71Am9dfhL/s772/ddd-banner-email.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="772" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidXBwUx3d-NHXY9EzG6SrWw-235m0gRp8n5FKhYUjqUobViRB35XlRPYWLLS1urx5beYgSq1R10pzF-qRG9-MtfGnQTnU_XeKJVIU6plVWRlqpz31UnJlcS3zGXPl2GVvOX-ffGx5TF4itJtemvT89R4Mh6OXhhGT92pMLA-YsYUfLIpo71Am9dfhL/w311-h320/ddd-banner-email.jpg" width="311" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0in;"><i>Previously on
the adventures of Jessie Flores, I got blown up and met my mom.<o:p></o:p></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Okay, it wasn’t quite as simple as
that. I returned to the world of the living following five long years spent in
Hades – while the world assumed I was dead and moved on.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">At least I’m guessing they were
long years, mostly because it sounds dramatic, but the truth is I had no idea.
I can’t remember a single moment of it. Yep, that was me, the girl who came
back to life without a clue as to what her epic journey between life and death
had entailed.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Fortunately, there hadn’t been
much time to rue the missing chunk of my life as the world had become hell-bent
on throwing mystery upon mystery at me. See, I’d gone to the Underworld a
sixteen-year-old girl with vampire-killing locks. I’d come back a
twenty-one-year-old woman wearing Amazonian garb and sporting hair that
occasionally liked to turn blue. I hadn’t been alone either. Wyatt had been
there with me, but he’d changed too.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">One moment, he was a centuries-old
vampire, then <i>poof</i>. The next, he was some weird mix of human, False
Icon, and death otter depending on the time of day. And that wasn’t even
counting his vampire half, Hunter. He’d eventually returned to Earth as well –
as a separate being, one with both a fetish for killing me and a crazed
yearning to rejoin with his former self.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Sadly, as fresh as those memories
were, they might as well have been a lifetime ago.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Just as I was coming to terms with
this new me, slowly figuring out my place in this world –I ended up walking
into a trap. Not only had I failed to save some newfound death otter friends,
but I’d almost been killed in the process. Neither the failure, the grief, nor
the pain had been the worst of it, though.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">No. That had been waking up in a
hospital bed, bandaged head to toe, and with no idea where Wyatt was.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Then <i>she</i> showed up.
Sporting hair the color of fresh blood, a thick Bostonian accent, and an
attitude problem that just begged to be punched out, she’d claimed to be the
mother I’d never met.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">And the strangest thing was, I
knew she was right.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Call it instinct, women’s
intuition, or just a gut feeling, but something inside me had instantly
recognized her.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Too bad those same instincts also
told me she was the absolute <i>worst</i>.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="centered">♦ ♦ ♦<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">I had no idea how
long I’d been stuck in this hospital room/prison. It had been at least a week,
maybe longer. It was hard to tell. There were no windows, at least that I could
see, just the fluorescent lighting above the bed.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Holly, as she called herself, had
been my only visitor during that time – catering to my meds, emptying my
bedpan, and changing my bandages. I had a feeling that wasn’t her real name.
She smirked every time I said it, but it didn’t matter. Far more important was
the isolation – long hours in that room, unable to move due to my injuries. I’d
seen no sign of doctors or nurses, only her and her insufferably smug smile.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Heck, she’d refused to answer my
questions with anything other than riddles – leaving me with no idea as to
Wyatt’s fate, or whether my friends even knew I was missing.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I couldn’t count on the room’s
tiny TV to provide me with information either, as it stayed tuned to a channel
that played nothing but telenovelas and infomercials. At this point, I was
ready to give up the battle and buy the newest successor to the Thighmaster.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The first few days I screamed my
voice hoarse, all to no avail. Afterward, the tears came – leaving me crying
for those I’d lost and those whose fates remained unknown.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Most of it was for me, though,
lying there helpless as a baby – knowing I’d failed whatever tests fate had
thrown my way.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Then, when there were no more
tears left, that’s when the true depression set in –I’d failed myself and
everyone I knew. I couldn’t punch it, burn it, or run away from it. All I could
do was wallow.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><i>I’m no superhero</i>.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I wasn’t even sure I was a person
anymore.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I was a broken lump of flesh,
beholden to a woman I didn’t...<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“Wake up, little one,” a singsong
voice called as the lone door to my room – my cell – opened. “I have a surprise
for you!”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Holly stepped in, looking every
bit the femme fatale. I gritted my teeth as she approached, feeling the hairs
on the back of my neck stand up.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I guess it wasn’t hard to imagine
her seducing my father, getting knocked up, then dumping the baby – <i>me</i> –
at his doorstep simply because I was an inconvenience to her free-spirited
evil-queen lifestyle.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Yeah, so easy to picture that, but
somehow, I knew she was more than just some random bimbo – a lot more. A
darkness radiated from her, something that spoke of power – an aura like the
monsters I’d previously battled but far more intense.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Of course, that could’ve been
because she was able to stand, while I was little more than a full body cast
with shredded vocal cords. The jury was still out.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“And how are we doing this fine
day, Jameson?”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I looked away <i>She’s not worth
it</i>.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“Oh, stop that. Nobody likes a
sulker, least of all me. Besides, I wasn’t lying. I do have a surprise for you…
or maybe you don’t want to hear about that scruffy cowboy after all.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">That caught my attention, and I
swiveled my eyes toward her.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“I guess you <i>do</i> want to hear
some news.” She shrugged. “Too bad I don’t have any to share.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><i>Grrr</i>!<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“What I do have,” she continued,
lifting a small cardboard box into view, “is even better. We run on Dunkin
here, don’t we?”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Much as I wanted to tell her to go
to hell, my stomach betrayed me, growling as she pulled out one of the glazed
delights. I couldn’t help it. I’d had nothing but intravenous feeding since I’d
woken up. Heck, I’d reached the point where I would have gladly bitten off one
of her fingers had she gotten close enough.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“I think you’re ready for solid
foods again,” she told me, holding the donut in front of my face. “Hell’s
bells, I’m certain you’re ready for more – quite a bit more if we’re being
honest here. You’re my daughter after all, and you’ve had more than enough time
to mend.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I couldn’t have cared less about
her platitudes, since it was painfully obvious I was anything but healthy. But
right then, all I wanted was to feel some sugar sliding down my throat.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Except she continued to hold it
just outside my reach.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“Uh-uh. If you want it, you’ll
have to sit up and take it. There will be no free lunches on my watch, little
one.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“I...”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“What was that?” she asked,
leaning in.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I struggled to form the words
against the bandages wrapped around my chin and jaw. “I... c-can’t.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“Can’t or won’t?”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><i>What</i>? Was she blind? Not
only had I nearly been blown to bits, but this psycho had heavily insinuated
upon my waking that I’d also survived major heart surgery.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">No matter how much she taunted, both
my body and brain had taken a beating. I was pretty sure even my bruises had
bruises under the swaths of gauze and plaster holding me down. Now here she
was, taunting me as if she expected some sort of miracle...<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“Fuck it. So much for the easy
way.” She pulled the donut away, scarfing it down in three big bites before
licking her fingers. “Mmmm, I have to give the humans credit. It’s not quite as
tasty as the soul of a newborn, but they got it damned close.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">No way. She’s not talking about
what I think she is. She can’t be...<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Whatever thoughts I had on the
matter were interrupted as she reached down, grabbed me by the thick bandages
around my torso, and lifted me from the bed – tearing me from my restraints, <i>not
that I could’ve escaped without them</i>.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I could do nothing but shriek as
pain exploded from every single inch of my body – my nerves relaying the extent
of my injuries to my tortured mind.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“Oh, enough of that,” Holly
snapped, holding me aloft as if I weighed less than nothing. “I can see you’re
feeling sorry for yourself, and I simply can’t tolerate that. To <i>that</i>
end, I think it’s time you discovered how effective the power of positive
thought can be, especially for one such as yourself.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“W-wuh?”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Rather than answer, she flung me
across the room like a ragdoll. I slammed into the TV, sending sparks flying
before I crashed in a heap.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">A moment later, she loomed over
me, her eyes gleaming with murder.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“Shall we play a little game,
Jameson? I’m going to tear you limb from fucking limb in the next thirty
seconds. You have a choice. You can either lie there and die, or you can fight
back and prove to me that you’re not the mistake we both know you are.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<br clear="all" style="mso-special-character: line-break; page-break-before: always;" />
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><o:p>COMING MAY 22nd to Kindle and Kindle Unlimited!</o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><o:p><b><a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C41MPKC3" target="_blank">Pre-Order today!</a></b></o:p></p><br /><p></p>Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-78317979700202354652021-04-01T09:58:00.010-04:002021-04-02T10:35:40.706-04:00Rick G Reviews: Godzilla vs. Kong (2021)<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8IhWYnb-gbg/YGXDqFJGSTI/AAAAAAAAC-M/WpBoWvWLai8i6axBLhrlfED5HRu1aUxdwCLcBGAsYHQ/s764/g1.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="295" data-original-width="764" height="155" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8IhWYnb-gbg/YGXDqFJGSTI/AAAAAAAAC-M/WpBoWvWLai8i6axBLhrlfED5HRu1aUxdwCLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h155/g1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>I've been waiting for this movie for some time, the likely conclusion (albeit not set in stone) of Legendary's Monsterverse, first established with 2014's <b>Godzilla</b>, which, of course, served to wash away the bad taste left by Tristar's 1997 abomination. <br /><p></p><p>That all said, let's leave a bit of courtesy spoiler space for anyone stumbling upon this and not wanting to know what's to come.</p><p>*</p><p>*</p><p>*</p><p>*</p><p>*</p><p>* <br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XYVSznY3L8w/YGXEq-s9KRI/AAAAAAAAC-U/cLPx4V1y6RIqgNgg42cOV228OJSPVxEaQCLcBGAsYHQ/s500/g2.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="219" data-original-width="500" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XYVSznY3L8w/YGXEq-s9KRI/AAAAAAAAC-U/cLPx4V1y6RIqgNgg42cOV228OJSPVxEaQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/g2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Good enough! <p></p><p>We'll start with the bad, get that shit out of the way early so we can move onto the good stuff. </p><p>It must be said that this movie borrows heavily from <b>Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker </b>in one major - and annoying as fuck - aspect. This is a move that's tightly edited and relatively low on fluff. That's good except for one problem - it could use a good half hour of exposition to explain the stuff that happens. This strikes me as yet another movie where the big "What The Hell?" moments will likely be explained in the novelization ... which is a crappy thing to do for those of us who don't want to read it.</p><p>In the author world, they constantly beat us over the head with "Show, don't tell". Well, that doesn't mean you can't tell at all. In fact sometimes you HAVE TO, especially when it comes to major plot points we're expected to just accept like:</p><p>- Kong finding a giant radioactive glowing axe?</p><p>I mean seriously, it's the movie's MacGuffin, yet none of the scientists present barely bat at an eye at it. I mean, I'm no primatologist, but I'd like to think I'd be all, "Whoa?! Where the fuck did that come from? Were Kong's ancestors building fucking superweapons or something???"</p><p>But nope. It's there and we're just supposed to roll with it. <br /></p><p>Another issue is that it's been 5 years since <b>Godzilla: King of the Monsters</b>. Much like it was 5 yrs between that movie and <b>Godzilla</b>. In that time, humanity has made almost ridiculous strides in their technology. I mean, a running theme in the movie is finding a new power source to use against the Titans ... while at the same time ignoring that the world apparently has power aplenty to run an island-sized biodome for Kong, build a magnetic transport between Florida and Hong Kong, create anti-gravity engines, and design a Pacific-Rim-esque Mechagodzilla complete with neural / psionic interface. And that's not even counting the stuff from the previous movie like Castle Bravo (which gets zero mention in this one, much like a lot of the stuff from the previous movie).<br /></p><p>Speaking of all that, how the fuck much money does Apex have to be able to do all the shit they do??? We're talking a market cap here bigger than Google, Apple, and Amazon combined, especially since here in the real world we can't even get a fucking hyperloop around Las Vegas. This is one case where it would have probably made a LOT more sense to simply make the US Military the aggressors, being they developed the Oxygen Destroyer in the last movie - rather than a shady company with unlimited funds and not a single whistleblower among them. <br /></p><p>But okay, this is a Godzilla movie. I guess I can forgive that since it's really not much different than the Japanese Defense Force having maser cannons in 1960 via the ToHo films. Whatever. <br /></p><p>That said, what I have a harder time forgiving is Monarch and, more specifically, Dr. Mark Russell (Kyle Chandler). While the star of <b>G:KoTM</b>, here he's given about ten minutes of screen time, but damn, during those ten minutes he shows he's lost about 50 IQ points. His daughter Madison (Millie Bobby Brown) figures out the whole plot in the first 20 minutes. And what she comes up with makes perfect sense considering what we've learned about Titans in the last 2 movies. But, rather than give her the time of day and realize that yes Godzilla is acting out of character, he instead falls back on, "Godzilla's just mean now. Deal with it!" </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FEA__1CO_q8/YGXJCoIh_5I/AAAAAAAAC-c/bdR0nXQS3qQK6Q7L2VG6h7ysU6Rl4LfmQCLcBGAsYHQ/s500/g3.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="213" data-original-width="500" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FEA__1CO_q8/YGXJCoIh_5I/AAAAAAAAC-c/bdR0nXQS3qQK6Q7L2VG6h7ysU6Rl4LfmQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/g3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Those are my big problems with the movie. In short, it does NOT hold up well if you sit back and think about it. However, in this it shares head space with <b>Jurassic World</b> in that, yes it falls apart the moment you spend 30 seconds mulling it over, BUT you're probably having too much fun to care. <p></p><p>And that's where the movie shines. It's big, it's loud, it's colorful, and it's a lot of fun. At no point does it really take itself too seriously. And the monster battles are pretty damned awesome. No doubt about it. </p><p>The basic plot is that Monarch has built a giant Pauly Shore-esque biodome around Skull Island to both study and protect Kong. They know that Kong is another alpha titan and with Godzilla as the reigning alpha that shit won't stand. However, they also realize that Kong is a bit of a drunken frat boy. He thinks he's tougher than he is. So the biodome is to keep Godzilla from showing up and wrecking Kong's shit because .... um ... I have no idea why. I guess the world really likes giant monkeys or something. </p><p>Whatever the case, big bad Apex corp wants to reach the hollow earth ... the thing they were supposed to be able to get to via Skull Island as per the last movie, but which is conveniently forgotten in lieu of a magic space tunnel in Antarctica. They're doing stuff which is pissing off Godzilla and causing him to attack - which only Madison, her friend Fire Fist from Deadpool 2, and a paranoid conspiracy blogger (Brian Tyree Henry) figure out. Apex wants an energy source from the hollow earth so ... they can piss off Godzilla even more so. </p><p>Godzilla in the meanwhile, intercepts the ship carrying Kong and proves what a bad idea it is for Kong to fight him in the water - beating the crap out of and almost drowning him. </p><p>Kong survives and eventually makes it to the hollow earth, where he finds the above-mentioned giant axe. In the meantime, the evil Apex corp are using Skullcrawlers to test out the thing that's been setting Godzilla off - Mechagodzilla. And this Mechagodzilla is badass. It's wired to the skull of the dead Ghidorah and has been designed to compensate for Godzilla's main weakness - by having huge chiseled arms that can punch the shit out him. <br /></p><p>Godzilla shows up again, still pissed off, and somehow blasts a hole through the streets of Hong Kong down into the hollow earth where Kong is chilling with his magic axe. Yes, he somehow blows a hole through several hundred miles of rock right to where Kong is. And no, I'm not questioning it. <br /><br />Either way, Kong climbs out with his axe and they have their big showdown. Kong gets the upper hand, delivering a massive blow to Godzilla's head which ... he then shrugs off, gets up, and utter beats the shit out of Kong. </p><p>That's it folks. There's your winner: Godzilla. No doubt about it. Even with his magic axe made from a Godzilla fin (assumed, since it's never actually mentioned), Kong gets utterly crushed. This is probably why he didn't make a cameo in G:KoTM. Ghidorah would have fucked up his shit two ways to Sunday.<br /></p><p>Too bad it's not over, as Ghidorah's skull then pulls a Megatron from <b>Transformers Age of Extinction</b> and takes over Mechagodzilla (again assumed, since nobody barely blinks when it takes on a life all its own). Mechagodzilla proceeds to wreck Godzilla - pretty much using his face as a battering ram throughout all of Hong Kong. </p><p>However, then Kong gets back in the game, retrieves his axe, and he and Godzilla team up to take the robot down once and for all - proving the power of friendship is the best power of all ... I guess.<br /></p><p>Godzilla and Kong have a stare down, but then Godzilla turns and heads back out to sea. We cut to Kong, back in the hollow earth, having decided that's his new home and ... that's it. The END. It's kind of an abrupt ending to things - again suffering from the fact that the movie could've used a bit more fleshing out and exposition. </p><p>That all said, it's a wild, batshit, and ultimately fun ride. The monsters are the stars of this show and they very much deliver. It's pure joy whenever we cut from the human drama to something big smashing something. </p><p>Again, though, if you stop to think about it, it falls apart pretty quickly. </p><p>Because of that, I'm forced to rank it 3rd in the Monsterverse movies. </p><p><b>Godzilla: King of the Monsters</b>, then <b>Kong: Skull Island</b>, followed by <b>Godzilla vs. Kong</b>, and finally the 2014 <b>Godzilla</b> (which ultimately suffered from being kinda dull). </p><p>Don't get me wrong. <b>Godzilla vs Kong</b> is lots of fun. A definite popcorn movie for those looking for a good way to kill an evening. I am certainly going to watch it again. Just be sure to nod, go along with the ride, and try not to think too hard while you're in the middle of it all. </p><p>You'll be that much happier for it. <br /></p><p></p>Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-91102853890495447312021-03-01T16:27:00.004-05:002021-03-02T08:43:14.218-05:00The Top Ten Vampire Books You MUST Read Before You Die<p>Let's face facts, vampires are everywhere in the book world. They're in Urban Fantasy, Horror, Comedy, Horror Comedy, Romance, Thrillers, Suspense, Young Adult, and all sorts of other genres that make great search engine keywords for articles like this. <br /></p><p>As such, people often ask, "Rick, as a vampire author" what are the top vampire novels you think I should read before I pass from this mortal coil?" </p><p>It's a great and terrible burden to have foisted upon one's back, but one I am happy to shoulder. Because the truth, dear reader, is that not all vampire books are created equal.<br /></p><p>Thus, I present to you, the top ten vampire books you <b>need</b> to read before you die. </p><p>1) <a href="https://readerlinks.com/l/72097" target="_blank"><b>BILL THE VAMPIRE </b></a></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/bill-sm.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="375" data-original-width="250" height="200" src="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/bill-sm.jpg" width="133" /></a></div><p>Well, yeah, I suppose I may have written this one. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't read it. What? You're the one who asked me? I'm just giving you my unbiased opinion on the subject. <br /></p><p>No, I'm not being a self-indulgent clickbait writing prick by suggesting it. Well, okay, I might be, but that's beside the point.<br /></p><p>Anyway, yes, you should definitely read Bill The Vampire (The Tome of Bill -1), if only to find out why "<b>There are reasons we fear the night, he's not one of them</b>." <br /></p><p>Full of nerdy humor and pop culture awesomeness, it is the quintessential vampire comedy book, mostly because I said it is.<br /></p><p>
<br style="clear: both;" />2) <a href="https://readerlinks.com/l/72107" target="_blank"><b>SCARY DEAD THINGS</b></a></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/scary-sm.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="375" data-original-width="250" height="200" src="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/scary-sm.jpg" width="133" /></a></div>Yeah, I know what you're thinking, but hear me out. It would be the height of dickishness for me to tell you how awesome Bill the Vampire is without also mentioning its sequel. <br /><p>What kind of host would I be if I did that? </p><p>Scary Dead Things is my number 2 pick to read before you die, because it's funny as fuck. Bill Ryder is back, running like hell from the "love" of his life - an immortal princess stuck in a child's body. </p><p>If that doesn't scream vampire classic, then I honestly don't know what will make you people happy.</p><p><br style="clear: both;" />3) <a href="https://readerlinks.com/l/72094" target="_blank"><b>THE MOURNING WOODS</b></a> <br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/woods-sm.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="375" data-original-width="250" height="200" src="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/woods-sm.jpg" width="133" /></a></div>Okay, I sort of get what you're saying. But before you accuse me of writing an entire article devoted to jacking off my own ego, hear me out.<p></p><p>Vampires vs. Sasquatch!</p><p>Seriously, how fucking cool is that? I mean, that alone should propel it to anyone's top three. Hell, if you don't love that concept, all I can say is begone because you obviously have no soul to speak of. </p><p>This book has it all, chills, thrills, laughs, gore, and did I mention vampires fighting Bigfoot? Because it has that, too. Now shut up and go read it.<br /></p><p><br style="clear: both;" />4) <a href="https://readerlinks.com/l/72108" target="_blank"><b>THE WICKED DEAD</b></a><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/wicked-sm.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="375" data-original-width="250" height="200" src="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/wicked-sm.jpg" width="133" /></a></div>Why is The Wicked Dead (Tome of Bill 7) here? You mean besides being awesome as shit? Well, it's simple. It's penultimate book in the Tome of Bill series. I mean, heck, I can't just send you straight to the finale without setting it up.<p></p><p>That would be seriously uncool.</p><p>Oh, yeah, it was also written by an awesome author .... me! And I say that with complete humility.<br /></p><p>The end of the world has never been so much fun. Don't believe me? Read it and prove me wrong. I dare you!<br style="clear: both;" />5) <a href="https://readerlinks.com/l/72099" target="_blank"><b>THE LAST COVEN</b></a><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/last-sm.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="375" data-original-width="250" height="200" src="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/last-sm.jpg" width="133" /></a></div>This is it! The final chapter in the saga of Bill Ryder ... until the next chapter anyway. But seriously, the finale of the Tome of Bill series has it all. <p></p><p>You've seen other book series finales, right? You know they suck. Characters dying who should have lived, other characters doing dumb shit, and people being introduced just they can steal away other people from the characters they're supposed to fall in love with.</p><p>Fuck that noise. </p><p>This is the series sequel you need. It even has a final chapter called "The Hate Mail Inducing Epilogue" because, damn it, I came prepared. <br /></p><p><br style="clear: both;" />6) <a href="https://rickgualtieri.com/a-higher-calling/" target="_blank"><b>A HIGHER CALLING</b></a><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/higher-calling-lg.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="500" height="200" src="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/higher-calling-lg.jpg" width="133" /></a></div>Did I say that last book was the final story of Bill Ryder? Huh. I must've been mistaken. This little ditty here - A Higher Calling (Bill of the Dead 0.5) serves as a bridge between The Tome of Bill and Bill of the Dead series.<p></p><p>So why is it here? Because it's wonderful, duh! It's also <b>FREE</b>, as in beer. </p><p>All you gotta do is sign up for a certain author's mailing list, and this little beauty is all yours. Go on, click the title. You know you want to.<br /></p><p>Not only is it one of the top ten vampires books you MUST read before you die, but it doesn't cost you a dime. You're welcome. <br /></p><p><br style="clear: both;" />7) <a href="https://readerlinks.com/l/504313" target="_blank"><b>STRANGE DAYS</b></a><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/strange-days-small.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="533" height="200" src="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/strange-days-small.jpg" width="133" /></a></div>The true horror of a series ending is it leaving you wanting more. Fortunately some authors (like me) are listening to your pleas of, "We need more Bill!!!"<br /><p></p><p>Introducing Strange Days (Bill of the Dead 1). It's 5 years since the Tome of Bill ended, and shit is about to get surreal again. </p><p>And yes, it is worthy of both the Tome of Bill name and being on this official list. And I say this being 100% objective on the matter. Seriously, if another book deserved to be in this spot, it would be ... but it doesn't, because it probably sucks - which is great if you're a vampire, but less great if you're reading about them. <br /></p><p><br style="clear: both;" />8) <a href="https://readerlinks.com/l/910165" target="_blank"><b>EVERYDAY HORRORS</b></a><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/botdeverydayhorrors-lg.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="500" height="200" src="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/botdeverydayhorrors-lg.jpg" width="133" /></a></div>Once again, I'd be remiss to talk about the first book in a series without mentioning the kick-ass followup to it. <p></p><p>Everyday Horrors is book 2 of Bill of the Dead. And it deserves its spot on this list for the character of Glen alone. Seriously? It's damned near impossible to read about that creepy little eyeball blob without falling in love with it.</p><p>Of course he's not a vampire, but fortunately there are still plenty of those here too, which makes this book eligible to be on this list. <br /></p><p>Hell, you've made it this far. Why start turning your nose up now?<br style="clear: both;" />9) <a href="https://readerlinks.com/l/607404" target="_blank"><b>SECOND STRING SAVIOR</b></a><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/sss-lg.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="500" height="200" src="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/sss-lg.jpg" width="133" /></a></div><p>Okay, enough! I heard you. I'm being 100% fair in my choices here and to prove it, here's Second String Savior (False Icons 1) - written by someone else - R.E. Carr (and also co-written by me).</p><p>Err ... anyway. </p><p></p><p>This spinoff to the Tome of Bill series, focuses on the exploits of a wannabe vampire slayer / superhero. Yeah, yeah, I know. But you can't have a vampire slayer without vampires ... duh!</p><p>It's also a wonderfully written coming of age story ... with a high body count. Because, well, what else do you really want from the teenage years? <br /></p><p><br style="clear: both;" />10) <a href="https://readerlinks.com/l/1424049" target="_blank"><b>BOTTOM FEEDERS</b></a><b> </b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/bottomfeeders.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="400" height="200" src="https://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/bottomfeeders.jpg" width="133" /></a></div><p>Finally, we round out this list with Bottom Feeders, which is book 1 of the Bill of the Dead Adventures novella series. </p><p>Amazing isn't it? But what I can I say? If those other vampire writers really wanted to make it to this list, well, they'd have seriously upped their game. </p><p>Don't look at me. This is entirely their own fault.<br /></p><p>As for this fun tale, once again we step into the shoes of a legendary vampire slayer ... just one who's maybe a bit stupider than the job really calls for. </p><p>Will they survive? There's only one way to find out....</p><p><br style="clear: both;" />And that brings us to the end of our list. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did putting it together. If so, all my painstaking research and effort wasn't for naught. </p><p>And don't worry. Plenty of other vampire novels came close to making it ... even including a few I didn't write. But, well, close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. Go figure. Better luck next time, fellas! </p><p>Until then ... go and grab you some vampire books!<br /></p><p><b> </b><br /></p>Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-76828208045722075672020-01-06T10:02:00.000-05:002020-01-06T10:02:15.703-05:00What's your Tome of Bill Bigfoot Name?It's almost time for <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0821MHRBZ?tag=rickgcom-20" target="_blank">EVERYDAY HORRORS</a> (Bill of the Dead 2) to launch. <br /><br />
And to help celebrate the mood, I figured a little fun was in order. You already know <a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2018/09/how-did-you-die-in-tome-of-bill.html">how you died in the Tome of Bill</a>, as well as <a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2017/06/whats-your-tome-of-bill-vampire-name.html">what your vampire name would be</a>. Now discover who you would be if you had chosen the other side. It's time to be recruited into the ranks of THE FEET!<br /><br />
Click on the chart below to enlarge it and discover exactly how you bit the big one in the <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01MZFOCKA" target="_blank">Tome of Bill</a> series!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Txe-bzUPvPY/XhNLWEZJ9AI/AAAAAAAACyg/fh0O-5ijF44D8mLKNHoUHwIMEwTBHcydgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/TOB-Bigfoot-generator.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="1328" height="301" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Txe-bzUPvPY/XhNLWEZJ9AI/AAAAAAAACyg/fh0O-5ijF44D8mLKNHoUHwIMEwTBHcydgCLcBGAsYHQ/s400/TOB-Bigfoot-generator.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-34369711592690955482018-09-01T09:25:00.000-04:002018-09-01T09:26:33.993-04:00How did YOU die in the Tome of Bill?So, you finally made it into a book series. Awesome!<br />
<br />
Less awesome is the fact that, well, unlike your expectations, you're not really the star. In fact, you might actually be little more than an expendable extra.<br />
<br />
But hey, if you gotta go, then you might as well go out in a blaze of glory or ... err ... donkey punching.<br />
<br />
Anyway...<br />
<br />
Click on the chart below to enlarge it and discover exactly how you bit the big one in the <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01MZFOCKA" target="_blank">Tome of Bill</a> series!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dTIZou6mNsI/W4qTK2BzlGI/AAAAAAAACgE/5aINj2nhL7EmgaLJdnhayzEg7nuebxXUwCLcBGAs/s1600/TOB-death-generator.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="669" data-original-width="1600" height="268" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dTIZou6mNsI/W4qTK2BzlGI/AAAAAAAACgE/5aINj2nhL7EmgaLJdnhayzEg7nuebxXUwCLcBGAs/s640/TOB-death-generator.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-68775008710728673332018-06-27T17:00:00.001-04:002018-06-27T17:00:40.099-04:00Rebranding Bill ... againYou might recall that in 2015 I finished a total <a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2015/05/a-new-look-and-feel-for-tome-of-bill.html" target="_blank">rebrand</a> of the Tome of Bill series. The goal then was simple: I had good covers, but I didn't have good series covers. I worked with <a href="https://rocksolidbookdesign.com/" target="_blank">Mallory Rock</a> to make it happen and she delivered in spades. <br />
<br />
Well, it's been 3 years since then. The ToB books have sold a lot of copies with those "new" covers and all was well with the world.<br />
<br />
So why change again, now?<br />
<br />
It's simple. 3 years is a long time in the book business and I've watched the Urban Fantasy genre evolve. While I still think the branding of those covers is top notch, I began to feel that perhaps they were no longer indicative of the market / genre itself.<br />
<br />
So I reached out to some cover designers and illustrators with my thoughts ... mainly being that I wanted covers that conveyed three things: an urban fantasy feel to them, a sense of branding, but also that unique blend of horror and comedy that I've tried to instill into my series. No small order for anyone, no matter how talented.<br />
<br />
The results were ... mixed, let's say. <br />
<br />
Why did I search elsewhere? I don't know. I guess a part of me felt I needed a new look, and a new look required talking to new people.<br />
<br />
That was a mistake on my part, and I'm happy to admit it. I already had a strong relationship with my existing cover artist and she knew both my books and the type of stuff I typically asked for.<br />
<br />
So I sat down with Mallory, we discussed updating the ToB, and I think we both came away excited at the task before us.<br />
<br />
It's still a work in progress, and we're moving slowly so as to get each new iteration just right. That said, the first three are below and I think she's knocked it out of the park.<br />
<br />
I'll be updating ebook first with these, with print to come later (so I don't end up selling people half a series with one brand, and the other half with different covers). <br />
<br />
I hope you're excited by what you see. I know I am. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cEArd1AcWcM/WzP5VMuwIoI/AAAAAAAACc8/j6mbs0NpkTAos_NBQSG0crlseqgNeWFGACLcBGAs/s1600/rebrand1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="1000" height="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cEArd1AcWcM/WzP5VMuwIoI/AAAAAAAACc8/j6mbs0NpkTAos_NBQSG0crlseqgNeWFGACLcBGAs/s400/rebrand1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From shadows to stepping into the light ... albeit not sunlight</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-A_0EB1dfl1k/WzP5YtZ-xoI/AAAAAAAACdA/HaHJObv-2hwCX-Au1v_iUIaB8cAnbWpyACLcBGAs/s1600/rebrand2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="1000" height="300" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-A_0EB1dfl1k/WzP5YtZ-xoI/AAAAAAAACdA/HaHJObv-2hwCX-Au1v_iUIaB8cAnbWpyACLcBGAs/s400/rebrand2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bad guys are great ... but Gan is better. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yMp8vaG2-Tw/WzP5cNN3jRI/AAAAAAAACdE/jAYxZJhnGu4L_vdNUghkbFGC9d8kBevMQCLcBGAs/s1600/rebrand3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="1000" height="300" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yMp8vaG2-Tw/WzP5cNN3jRI/AAAAAAAACdE/jAYxZJhnGu4L_vdNUghkbFGC9d8kBevMQCLcBGAs/s400/rebrand3.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You wanted more Turd. Admit it!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-54150594314779920122018-05-29T09:03:00.005-04:002018-06-15T13:57:04.793-04:00Teaser Chapter for GET BENT!I am pleased to offer you a small taste of things to come for my new novel:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.rickgualtieri.com/reader/219569" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>GET BENT!</b></span></span></a> (the Hybrid of High Moon book 1)<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>THEY SAY I'M AN ABOMINATION.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>I SAY WORDS HURT ... BUT NOT AS MUCH AS MY FISTS. </b></span><br />
<br />
My name is Tamara Bentley, Bent to my friends, and I’m not supposed to exist. I was born of the forbidden union between a witch and a werewolf, and they’ve been trying their damnedest to hide my existence ever since.<br />
<br />
But now my secret is out, and my uncle, the leader of the wolf pack, is pissed beyond belief. In his eyes, I’m something that should’ve never been born. He wants me dead and doesn’t care who he has to sacrifice to get the job done.<br />
<br />
I’m far from helpless, though. Not only am I a champion athlete, but I’m strong enough to punch out a bus. Good thing, too, because a rare lunar event is about to increase my uncle’s already terrifying power. I’ll have to call on every last ounce of strength I have to survive the night and save the lives of everyone counting on me.<br />
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<a href="http://www.rickgualtieri.com/reader/219569" target="_blank"><img alt="http://www.rickgualtieri.com/reader/219569" border="0" data-original-height="315" data-original-width="850" height="237" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cROiZbFVxZE/WwgT-chhWfI/AAAAAAAACbI/92f4D_c8gkIvR0tyXkEy5oPHKteoGl_pwCPcBGAYYCw/s640/getbentFBbanner.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
Rough hands reached out to grab hold of me, changing into ragged claws in the time it took the brute in the Phillies cap to close the distance between us.<br />
<br />
For a moment, I was too stunned to react, but then he blinked and the dull brown of his eyes was replaced with bloodshot yellow – the same eyes I’d seen staring back at me from multiple hairy heads the night before. <br />
<br />
<i>No flipping way!</i><br />
<br />
How? The full moon was last night. It was over, it wouldn’t happen again for...<br />
<br />
The questions would have to wait. Whether or not I believed what I was seeing, my reality was about to become seriously hairy. <br />
<br />
The man’s ... err, wolf’s claws tore painfully through my shirt and started to drag me from my seat. I instinctively grabbed hold of the table to stop myself from being pulled out and felt its moorings groan in protest. <br />
<br />
That gave me an idea. <br />
<br />
“Lean back,” I said to Riva.<br />
<br />
There wasn’t time to say more. I just had to hope she trusted me. I gave a yank, adding my own strength to my attacker’s, and the table tore free from the wall. I flipped it up and slammed it into the waiting faces of both our would-be assailants, sending them staggering back. <br />
<br />
Impossible as it had seemed only moments ago, apparently whatever I had in me functioned just fine in the light of day, too – a handy thing to know. <br />
<br />
Pity that the same could also be said about our gracious hosts.<br />
<br />
I turned to find the waitress and cook both changing. And I don’t mean their clothes. <br />
<br />
Both of them were growing taller, more muscular, and a lot furrier.<br />
<br />
“I told you we should have gone to Gib’s!” Riva screeched, huddled in her seat. <br />
<br />
“Fair enough. Next time, you can choose where we eat. Stay behind me!”<br />
<br />
Both Phillies Cap and Wife Beater recovered quickly and likewise continued to change. Hands became claws, ears became longer and pointier, and clothes ripped to shreds, affording me a far better view of them than I really wanted.<br />
<br />
While I’d seen my fair share of horror movies, I didn’t really consider myself a connoisseur. Still, one of the more obvious mistakes in them is that people always stand around gaping when they should be moving. It’s like that old Michael Jackson video <i>Thriller</i>. The girl stands there for like five minutes as he turns into a monster, when she could have been halfway to the next county.<br />
<br />
It was a lesson I took to heart. <br />
<br />
The two truck stop werewolves were still busy snarling, snapping, and growing extra hair when I charged. I plowed into Phillies Cap, the larger of the two, shoulder-first. I half expected to rebound off the much bigger man – my mind still insisting we were playing by the normal rules. Instead, I took him off his feet, carried him across the room, and plowed into the mirrored wall of the diner hard enough to make the building shudder. <br />
<br />
Glass shattered all around us and he let out a great big belch of air. Not satisfied that he was properly dissuaded, I drove a fist into his gut, the oddly undulating flesh giving way as I pushed the contents of his stomach up against his spine. <br />
<br />
I backed up a step and he fell to his knees retching, just in time for me to sense movement from behind. <br />
<br />
Wife Beater had double-timed his change, seeing that I wasn’t going to stand there and scream like a good victim. <i>Eww</i>, a werewolf with a beer belly – not a good look. <br />
<br />
He raced forward and I half turned so that my profile was facing him. At the last moment, I bent low, letting his momentum carry him into me. <br />
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<br />
<i>Oof!</i> Damn, these things were strong. <br />
<br />
I lifted him up in a fireman’s carry, meaning to dump his ass on the floor and put him in the danger position. But I underestimated my own strength and sent him flying instead. Oops. <br />
<br />
“Um, I meant to do that.” Oh yeah, some practice was definitely in my future ... if I lived through this.<br />
<br />
Fortunately, if there was only one upside to fighting monsters, as opposed to wrestling, there was no such thing as being called for an illegal move. So I, in a rare display of unsportsmanlike conduct, hurried across the room before Wife Beater could get up and planted my foot into his face with a satisfying crunch. <br />
<br />
Two down – for now anyway. That left two more asses to kick. <br />
<br />
“Bent! Look out!”<br />
<br />
Or not. <br />
<br />
Yeah, that’s what I’d been afraid of. Seeing that I was no pushover, it was only a matter of time before the other side threw the Marquess of Queensberry Rules out the window and rushed me all at once. <br />
<br />
The others weren’t stupid either, not like their hick cousins. There was no grandstanding, no attempt to intimidate me. They simply slammed into me as I turned their way, one high and one low. <br />
<br />
It was like being hit by a fur-covered truck. <br />
<br />
The wind was driven out of my lungs and I landed atop of the one I’d just given the boot to, the meat in a werewolf sandwich. I didn’t consider myself a prude, but this was one kink I really didn’t see myself getting into. A little hair on a man’s chest was one thing, but even I had my limits.<br />
<br />
Mind you, that was the least of my problems right then. <br />
<br />
Fire raced up my leg as one of the wolves, the waitress I think, bit into my thigh, her teeth shredding my jeans and probably not doing wonders to the flesh beneath.<br />
<br />
Before I could cry out, the one atop me – the cook most likely – slashed my face. There came a spray of blood, almost certainly my own, and my cheek instantly felt like it was on fire.<br />
<br />
<i>See if I leave you assholes a tip now.</i><br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
Buy now for <a href="http://www.rickgualtieri.com/reader/219569" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>Amazon Kindle</b></span></a> <br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="color: black;">Coming Soon to Paperback and Audio</span><b> </b></span>Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-22933287858445218042018-05-15T09:33:00.002-04:002018-05-15T09:33:56.739-04:00Teaser Chapter - Are You Ready to Chase the Devil? <span style="color: #990000;"><b>DEVIL HUNTERS</b></span>, the long-awaited sequel to Bigfoot Hunters is here!<br />
<br />
<b>Deep in the woods, mankind is the endangered species.</b><br />
<br />
Derek Jenner, the Crypto-Hunter, is back! Something is terrorizing the inhabitants of the Garden State, leaving a trail of missing persons and mutilated bodies in its wake. All signs point to the Jersey Devil, a creature long considered a hoax even in the cryptozoological community. Desperate for answers, the authorities summon Derek and his team to investigate.<br />
<br />
Now, the hunters are about to become the hunted because what lurks in the forest is more horrifying than they could ever imagine – a nightmare of man’s own making that’s about to set its sights in their direction.<br />
<br />
Sadly for them, a corrupt government official will do everything in his power to cover up the terrible secret that lies at the heart of the Pine Barrens … even if it means sacrificing Derek’s team to a fate worse than death.<br />
<br />
Check out a small sample chapter below....<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
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“What have you got there?”<br />
<br />
“I think these are footprints,” Danni replied, “but it’s kind of weird.”<br />
<br />
“What are they from?”<br />
<br />
“That’s the problem. I’m not sure. Whatever it is, it’s pretty messed up.” She pointed to a large print in the mud that was more defined than the others. “See this? That looks like a fairly well-defined toe. But then here, that’s a claw mark. And this bump here, maybe an old break.”<br />
<br />
“Or a deformity,” Derek said. <br />
<br />
“Maybe. Whatever it is, it’s big and heavy. Look how far down that print goes. I’d say two-fifty, probably closer to three-hundred.”<br />
<br />
Francis joined them in peering down at the strange tracks. “It’s on the low end, but still within squatch range. Juvenile, maybe? Could’ve had something wrong with it and was driven out of the clan.”<br />
<br />
“Not usually their style,” Derek said. <br />
<br />
Danni pointed to other parts of the print. “I don’t think so. Look at this indentation in the back. Could be a dew claw. Never seen a bigfoot with one of those, deformity or not.”<br />
<br />
Derek leaned over and studied it as well. She was right. It did look like a dew claw, but more reptilian than anything. The rear of the foot was similar to the prints of a megalania, a giant monitor lizard thought to be extinct. They’d tracked one in New Zealand about three years back, but this print was far smaller. Definitely not a twenty foot dinosaur throwback. It was as if this print was cobbled together from different unrelated species ... which probably meant it was. “A fake?”<br />
<br />
Danni stood up and wiped her hands on the seat of her jeans. “Could be. I mean, the way the ground is depressed looks like this came from a real foot, but then there’s the shape. If it is a fake, then whoever carved this was either really good at what they do or really lousy.”<br />
<br />
“Oh, man!”<br />
<br />
Derek and Danni turned toward Francis, but the big man didn’t appear to be in any danger.<br />
<br />
“Sorry, guys. Leaned against a tree and put my hand in something nasty.”<br />
<br />
“It’s a bog,” Danni replied. “Pretty much everything here is nasty.”<br />
<br />
“You’re telling me.”<br />
<br />
Derek started to laugh, but was interrupted by the sound of his radio beeping. <br />
<br />
He motioned the others over and raised the volume so they could listen. “Derek here. Tell me you got something, Mitch. Over.”<br />
<br />
“Something is an apt description.”<br />
<br />
“Come again?”<br />
<br />
“I called Arthur. The results were in. I had him read them to me over the phone. Then I had him read them again.”<br />
<br />
“I take it they were interesting.”<br />
<br />
“That’s just it,” Mitchell replied over the radio. “I’m not really sure what to make of it. I asked him to rerun the sequence to make sure it’s not a glitch.”<br />
<br />
“What did they come back with?”<br />
<br />
“Human,” Mitchell replied.<br />
<br />
The three hunters shared a glance, as if they’d suspected all along.<br />
<br />
“Kinda, anyway.”<br />
<br />
“Wait, hold on,” Derek said. “Define ‘kinda.’”<br />
<br />
“That’s exactly it. Normally I’d expect high eighties or nineties, even with a contaminated sample. This came back as a sixty-three percent match with Homo sapiens.”<br />
<br />
“That’s not very high at all.”<br />
<br />
“No, it’s not. Problem is, the rest of the results are all over the map, and that’s not even including the non-organic material in the sample.” <br />
<br />
“Non-organic?” Francis asked. “So what you’re saying is the samples were fucked.”<br />
<br />
“Maybe.” Derek could hear the frustration in Mitchell’s voice. “I don’t know. From what Arthur read to me, it sounds more degraded than contaminated, which doesn’t make sense either. When you guys are finished chasing ghosts out there, I need to get back to the lab and read it myself.”<br />
<br />
“Not so sure about ghosts. Danni found some prints.”<br />
<br />
“From what?”<br />
<br />
“Hate to throw this one back at you, Mitch, but we’re not sure. They’re either faked or whatever made them is some god-awful mess that I don’t even want to imagine.”<br />
<br />
“What do you want to do?”<br />
<br />
“Start wrapping up on your end. We’ll head back, regroup, and double check those results. If it looks even remotely possible that we’re dealing with human DNA, then I think we hand this off to the cops where it belongs.”<br />
<br />
“Roger that.”<br />
<br />
“We’ll see you in a while. Over.”<br />
<br />
“So we’re calling this turd hunt?” Francis asked.<br />
<br />
“Yeah. I’m not seeing much reason to do otherwise. It’s a shit show out here. Let’s head in before we end up covered in leeches or something.”<br />
<br />
“What about those prints?” Danni asked. “There’s one other thing we haven’t considered about them.”<br />
<br />
“What?”<br />
<br />
“If they are fake, then why bother making them all the way out here where nobody is likely to see them?”<br />
<br />
Derek had to admit that was a good question, but he didn’t have a good answer to go along with it ... at least not yet. Still, she was right. In their line of work, one didn’t so easily dismiss potential evidence, even if later it turned out to be faker than a three-dollar bill. “Take casts of the best. We’ll take a look at them in the lab. Maybe in better light something will stand out.”<br />
<br />
Danni nodded. “On it.”<br />
<br />
She turned back toward the prints, while Francis took off his pack and began rooting inside of it. He knew the big man would be fishing out his handheld camera so as to get some footage on the way in. That way the journey wouldn’t be a complete loss. <br />
<br />
He was about to turn away to ask Danni if she needed any help when he heard Francis zip up his pack, loud in the quiet woods.<br />
<br />
Too loud. <br />
<br />
It took Derek a moment, but then he realized the forest had gone completely silent around them.<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
<i><b>Available now for:</b></i><br />
<a href="http://www.rickgualtieri.com/reader/203936"><i><b><span style="color: #990000;">Amazon Kindle / Kindle Unlimited</span></b></i></a><br />
Coming soon to paperback and audioRick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-16793476287993471462018-02-14T14:00:00.001-05:002018-02-14T14:03:52.778-05:00Diving into the comic book businessI'm pleased to announce that soon you'll get a chance to enjoy the story of Bill Ryder as you've never see him before.<br />
Introducing:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #990000;">BILL THE VAMPIRE - THE COMIC BOOK</span></b></span><br />
<br />
or Graphic Novel for those of you too "cool" to read comic books. Whatever floats your boat.<br />
<br />
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ISSUE 1 - A PARTY TO DIE FOR - is coming soon to <b>Amazon.com</b>, <b>Comixology</b>, and <b>Print</b>. <br />
<br />
<i>Bill Ryder has a blind date with destiny in the form of a voluptuous piece of eye-candy he meets on the subway. It’s an opportunity too good to be true, but too awesome for him to pass up. Pity, because he’s about to bite off far more than he can chew.<br /><br />Now, he finds himself trapped, surrounded by monsters, and with no pulse. He's about to realize that being a vampire doesn't mean much when you're still at the bottom of the food chain. </i><br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
FAQS:<br />
Q: So you're in the comic book business now?<br />
A: I guess so. Funny ole' world we live in, ain't it?<br />
<br />
Q: How many issues can we expect?<br />
A: TBD. A lot depends on the level of interest. If people are into it, then expect it to go on for as long as it can. If not, then consider this a cool collector's item.<br />
<br />
Q: Are these going to be the novels retold in graphic format?<br />
A: Initially ... at the very least Bill's origin story will be. My hope, however, is for this series to eventually encompass both - retellings of The Tome of Bill novels, as well as new adventures. As I said above, a lot depends on interest.<br />
<br />
Q: Who's the team behind the scenes, because we know you can't draw for shit.<br />
A: Quite true. Bill The Vampire issue 1 includes artwork by Antwon McNair and lettering by Percival Constantine.<br />
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Q: Hey! Bill / Sally / James / whoever, doesn't look like how I imagined they would.<br />
A: Sorry about that. Consider it artist license. Well, that, and you can at least rest safe in the knowledge that I'm not busy rooting around in your thoughts. <br />
<br />
Q: Yeah, really funny, smart guy. So how about at least a sneak peak.<br />
A: Ask and ye shall receive. Click on the image to the right for a larger sneak peak. <br />
<br />
<br />
Available for digital pre-order now from<br />
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B079QVJMP8"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>Amazon.com</b></span></a>Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-9291276937396557832017-12-29T10:53:00.002-05:002017-12-29T17:50:14.893-05:00Adventures in VR (and AR)While I can't exactly call it a theme with my Christmas presents this year, I did receive a couple of gifts aimed at either virtual reality or augmented reality. So I figured I'd so what anyone with a self-serving blog would do ... review them in a manner that's aimed at causing maximum ire.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>STAR TREK BRIDGE CREW</b></span><br />
I received a download code for Star Trek Bridge Crew for the Sony Playstation VR, an add-on system that's been somewhat underused since we got it last year. What better way to dust it off than to step into the shoes of a Star Fleet officer while doing my best to bed green alien women and take a big steaming dump all over the Prime Directive?<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">To boldly go where no dork has gone before</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Controls:</b> While it seems Bridge Crew should work with the Playstation move controllers, I didn't test it out. Instead I used the Dualshock 4. All in all it's a pretty painless, if limited experience. The thumb sticks control your right and left arms, and the trigger buttons do stuff when the game allows you ... although, despite being captain of this crew, it seems to spend an awful lot of time telling you what you can't do.<br />
<br />
<b>Gameplay:</b> It's fairly simple. You choose one of four stations and work the somewhat mundane controls. In essence manning a Federation Starship is the 24th century equivalent of writing Excel spreadsheets at the office, if your boss was capable of occasionally firing photon torpedoes at you.<br />
<br />
Looking down in virtual reality, I noticed a shapely set of legs beneath me. I was playing a female captain and wearing a miniskirt (because what else are you gonna wear when commanding a quarter mile long starship?). Alas, you only have so much freedom with your virtual hands ... which I guess is a good thing, because otherwise this would be a completely different game.<br />
<br />
Ultimately, this is an amusing way to kill a bit of time, but mostly comes across as more of a tech demo than a full game. There's no opportunity to roam the halls of your ship. You can't head down to sick bay and ask Dr. Crusher to examine the phaser in your pocket. And, despite being captain, there aren't any options to order Mr. Worf and Commander Data to fight to the death for your amusement. <br />
<br />
As an aside, perhaps it's just me, but I sort of resent the game's enforced morality. You can't just open fire on every civilian ship or starbase you come across. But then, I guess the assumption here is that Starfleet Academy's psych evals would have probably weeded people like me out long ago. Damn it! You win this round, Federation.<br />
<br />
<b>Verdict:</b> Geeky fun to kill an hour here or there, but not something I'd want to play for a marathon session. However, I see a lot of potential to expand this into a full-sized game.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>STAR WARS JEDI CHALLENGES</b></span><br />
Whereas Star Trek Bridge Crew assumes you're happy to sit in your chair, charting stellar anomalies until you can collect your Federation retirement check, Jedi Challenges offers a bit more options including the Holy Grail of gaming: fighting with a fucking lightsaber!<br />
<br />
<b>Controls:</b> The game is controlled mainly by your phone, the augmented reality headset it comes with, and a rather cool lightsaber prop. Most of what happens includes looking, clicking, and occasionally slicing the shit out of opponents. Needless to say, one of these control types is slightly more engaging than the others.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-va0R7niAbHU/WkZRts3_8UI/AAAAAAAACT8/QzcoJZmbsuEKkTKE8ohsI_5Sd5J7ksEqQCLcBGAs/s1600/vr.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1130" data-original-width="1094" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-va0R7niAbHU/WkZRts3_8UI/AAAAAAAACT8/QzcoJZmbsuEKkTKE8ohsI_5Sd5J7ksEqQCLcBGAs/s320/vr.jpg" width="310" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not pictured: dignity</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Gameplay:</b> Jed Challenges comes with 3 game modes. The first is a risk-type battle game, which at the time of this blog post I haven't tried yet. I hear it's fun, but can't comment quite yet.<br />
<br />
Next up is holographic chess as first seen on the Millennium Falcon in episode 4. This is cute, but ultimately it's a game of waiting to see who's going to make a stupid move first, you or the AI. Prepare to spend a lot of time moving the same piece and forth, while your AI opponent does the same. Fun to try, but I see this being the least used mode in the game.<br />
<br />
Yeah, yeah, I know. The only one people really give a shit about is lightsaber battles. Well, it's a mixed bag from what I can tell. For starters, clicking on your handheld lightsaber and watching the blade ignite in VR (along with sound) is cool as all fuck. There are no two ways about it. However, it quickly becomes obvious this is a game limited by its hardware and the capabilities of your phone.<br />
<br />
First off, the blade of the lightsaber has an odd tendency to stick out at an angle from your saber. I mean, I guess you could pretend to be using Count Dooku's weird-ass weapon, but it instantaneously makes things feel a bit off.<br />
<br />
The saber itself reacts to your commands and moves as you move your arms, but there's a noticable lag. It's not 1:1, sadly. It's not bad, don't get me wrong, but it's enough to remind you you're playing a game and not actually getting smacked around by Darth Maul. However, it's close enough to make me think that if they decide to release a Jedi Challenges 2.0, we'll finally be there and thus will have an excuse to forever more ignore this pesky thing called actual reality. <br />
<br />
<b>Other thoughts:</b> the upside of the AR headset is you can see your surroundings, so less chance of falling down a flight of stairs or force-punching your family in the mouth. Downside is that this thing eats up your phone's battery life and can cause it to heat up uncomfortably. It's also a bit of a pain to set up as installing your phone involves a good chance of hitting your screen or a button and turning off the game ... meaning you have to pull it out and start it again. <br />
<br />
<b>Verdict:</b> Soooo close. A lot of fun and done in a way where you can see your friends pointing and laughing at you. But that lack of 1:1 lightsaber movement is just enough to cause a small tear to roll down one's cheek.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>SKYRIM VR</b></span><br />
Finally, a full open world game ported to VR (or at least the Playstation VR). And, best yet, it's a game most of us have already sacrificed a significant chunk of life to. No introduction needed.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LrJ06V9Giow/WkZe1UkUmhI/AAAAAAAACUM/bJoW5YBqM4EYRf5XRETLNI3AiH5vbCszwCLcBGAs/s1600/skyrim.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="644" data-original-width="718" height="287" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LrJ06V9Giow/WkZe1UkUmhI/AAAAAAAACUM/bJoW5YBqM4EYRf5XRETLNI3AiH5vbCszwCLcBGAs/s320/skyrim.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sorry, dude, but I feel entitled to your stuff</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Controls:</b> right away, despite the awesomeness that is the land of Skyrim, the seams begin to show. You have a choice between using the traditional dualshock controller or the move controllers. The problem is, each involves a sacrifice of sorts. Using the normal controller is fine and dandy, but you lose a ton of immersion. There you are, smack-dab in the middle of Skyrim, but you can't forget you're using a game controller.<br />
<br />
The move controllers make combat itself awesome. There's almost a 1:1 aspect between using them and swinging a sword. Pity they suck for everything else. Using the menus is an exercise in hating life. And walking ... err, teleporting that is, just feels ridiculously unnatural, all because Sony has yet to update their move controllers with thumbsticks. Bottom line here is, either way, you're going to find yourself bitter.<br />
<br />
<b>Gameplay:</b> It's freaking Skyrim. If I have to explain to you, chances are you're just a spam bot. Combat is fun with the move controllers (even if the rest isn't), but aside from that the main appeal is you're standing right in the middle of freaking Skyrim. Giant monsters tower over you. Guards get right in your face. The graphics aren't great, limited by the PS VR's capabilities, but really the only thing missing is a friend to punch you in the face whenever your character gets hit.<br />
<br />
<b>Verdict:</b> Again so close. And I can't even blame Bethesda Studios, as Sony's the one who has put out an essentially hobbled VR kit by not updating their controllers with freaking joy sticks.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>Not Tested:</b></span> Gran Turismo VR and Accounting VR. Accounting looks fun, but short. And Gran Turismo is a racing game, which means don't hold your breath for me to test it. <br />
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>Bottom line:</b></span> VR and AR are here and they're pretty cool. But, outside of high end PC systems, I think we're perhaps one generation away from it being truly phenomenal. For now, accept it for what it is and that there probably will be some compromises along the way.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>Closing thoughts:</b></span> Why the fuck isn't Jedi Challenges available for PS VR???? The only issue with it is the lack of 1:1 movement, which the PS VR handles just fine. This game would absolutely rock on PS VR. Yes, I understand Sony and Disney probably hate each other, but c'mon. I can't be the only one here who sees this is pretty much a formula to print money. Get over yourselves and get on that shit, guys! <br />
<br />
Oh well. Until then, I hope everyone is having an awesome holiday season, and likewise wishing you all a Happy New Year!<br />
<br />
<b>UPDATE:</b> I got a chance to try the tower defense game that comes with Jedi Challenges and it's a lot of fun. The controls are fairly simple, albeit it can be easy to forget to lower your lightsaber and aim with your head at times. That said, there's a lot to like playing a holographic Star Wars tower defense. Definitely a recommended mode to try. Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-35288259075944567052017-11-06T09:11:00.002-05:002017-11-13T11:56:00.839-05:00Adding some swag to my bag ... custom USB drives. If you follow me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/RickgBooks/"><span style="color: #990000;">Facebook</span></a> or <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/RickgBooks/"><span style="color: #990000;">Team Twat-Waffle</span></a> you've probably heard me talking about wanting to increase my branded non-book offerings ... aka swag as it's known in convention circles. And believe me, I'm hard at work looking to expand my current meager offerings (although those of you who were at Con Carolinas have gotta admit the Cursed Dice were way cool.)<br />
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<a href="https://www.usbmemorydirect.com/products/twist_usb_drives.htm" target="_blank"><img alt="https://www.usbmemorydirect.com/products/twist_usb_drives.htm" border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="1000" height="640" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OQJ7bwz-3Rk/WgBpm3VtwuI/AAAAAAAACQw/r2ym4bZQxzErW242cdxbONyHUhs6VbtLACLcBGAs/s640/usb.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
Well, I just got in a batch of custom 8GB USB Flash Drives from <a href="https://www.usbmemorydirect.com/products/twist_usb_drives.htm" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>USB Memory Direct</b></span></a> and I have to say I'm seriously digging them. Bill The Vampire's life may suck, but these definitely don't. <br />
<br />
I can't wait to get them into people's hands. Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-7008375480533705512017-10-26T08:39:00.000-04:002017-10-26T08:39:11.073-04:00This Halloween there's plenty of reasons to DIE LAUGHING!Halloween is supposed to be terrifying, but some of us prefer our terror with a side of laughter. For those who like a good chuckle right before the masked killer steps out from behind the tree and takes them out for good we have a special treat this year...<br />
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<a href="http://larksandkatydids.com/dielaughing2017/" target="_blank"><img alt="http://larksandkatydids.com/dielaughing2017/" border="0" data-original-height="628" data-original-width="1200" height="335" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1AA7nxqKkf8/WfDeOFURAMI/AAAAAAAACQA/D1of5OeOezU7BcQH4N7BRvbXrCgL1O7pQCLcBGAs/s640/Die-Laughing-Graphic-Final.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
Ten books for under a buck each. We're talking:<br />
<br />
<b>Fat Vampire</b> by Johnny B. Truant<br />
<b>Hell's Tittie's </b> by Robert Bevan and Steve Wetherell<br />
<b>Bubba the Monster Hunter Season 1 </b>by John G. Hartness<br />
<b>Shoot the Dead</b> by Steve Wetherell<br />
<b>Smalls' Soldiers</b> by Renee Miller<br />
<b>Topher Nightshade vs. The Camp of The Undead Apocalypse</b> by Drew Hayes<br />
<br />
And the first four books of the <b>Tome of Bill</b> Series:<br />
<b>Bill The Vampire</b><br />
<b>Scary Dead Things</b><br />
<b>The Mourning Woods</b><br />
<b>Holier Than Thou </b><br />
<br />
<a href="http://larksandkatydids.com/dielaughing2017/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>CLICK HERE</b></span></a> to check it out!<br />
<br />
Already scoped out Bill and the rest? Well, good news! The <a href="http://mybook.to/ToBVol-2" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>Tome of Bill Vol-2</b></span></a> box set is also out. The final four books (5-8) of the series all in one set for one low price.<br />
<br />
Includes:<br />
<b>Goddamned Freaky Monsters</b><br />
<b>Half a Prayer</b><br />
<b>The Wicked Dead</b><br />
<b>The Last Coven</b><br />
Available in ebook and audiobook!<br />
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<a href="http://mybook.to/ToBVol-2" target="_blank"><img alt="Tome of Bill Volume 2" border="0" data-original-height="648" data-original-width="500" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ccml4-9-jQc/WfDgBuGs01I/AAAAAAAACQM/fIf4MaD3_YYUa3HI9l9RBkLw1Dx92N8pQCLcBGAs/s400/box2-lg.jpg" width="309" /></a></div>
Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-54090462795708596092017-10-12T10:18:00.002-04:002017-10-12T10:18:55.438-04:00Teaser Chapter for Midnite's Daughter<span style="color: #990000;"><b>MIDNITE'S DAUGHTER</b></span>, a manga-inspired fantasy adventure here!<br />
<br />
Check out a small sample chapter below....<br />
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<br />
<b>A Child of Two Worlds - Belonging to Neither, Dangerous to Both.</b><br />
<br />
All Kisaki really wants is to belong *somewhere*, but there are few places half demons can safely call home. Raised in isolation within the celestial palace, she longs to escape and explore the strange planet below - Earth. So when an opportunity presents itself, she takes it, inadvertently stealing her mother’s greatest treasure in the process – the Blade of Heaven.<br />
<br />
Exploring a whole new world is terrifying enough, but hot on her heels is her so-called guardian, the tiger-spirit Shitoro. If he catches her, he'll drag her straight back home. She thinks it’s to punish her. But in actuality it’s to save her.<br />
<br />
She doesn’t know it yet, but there’s a very good reason Kisaki has been kept hidden away. Half-breeds such as her are not tolerated by the demons lords. If they find her, they’ll stop at nothing to take the blade and erase Kisaki, her mother, and everyone she cares about from existence.<br />
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cinLrucl6sU/Wd94tqjhhrI/AAAAAAAACOg/tcj8JzyUfdgxVAxYeG52whRyX6o6AnRegCLcBGAs/s1600/midnite-lg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="500" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cinLrucl6sU/Wd94tqjhhrI/AAAAAAAACOg/tcj8JzyUfdgxVAxYeG52whRyX6o6AnRegCLcBGAs/s320/midnite-lg.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
Kisaki's head rocked to the side from the blow and she tasted blood.<br />
<br />
She staggered back several steps but managed not to fall.<br />
<br />
All at once, the world seemed to be moving in slow motion. Pain from the hit, the coppery taste of her own blood, her friend screaming her name, and the huffing laughter of the human who had dared lay a hand upon her – all of it happening simultaneously.<br />
<br />
It was the first time Kisaki had ever been struck. She'd often read about such punishments, and much worse, in her studies, but had never experienced it herself. She'd expected it to hurt, and it did. What she didn't expect, however, was the cold logic that descended upon her mind, nor how the world seemed to grey out around her.<br />
<br />
<i>He didn't hit me that hard, did he?</i><br />
<br />
Before her eyes, the world seemed to change. The sounds around her faded away and she was suddenly no longer in an alleyway. Instead, she stood in a large room. A man was there with her. He was wearing drab green clothes and seemed to be yelling at her for some reason. For a moment, she feared that she'd somehow accidentally activated her last crystal, abandoning the brown-haired boy as well as Tamiko and Shitoro. But then she realized something was wrong about what she was seeing. The man's lips were moving, but she couldn't hear his words. In fact, she couldn't hear anything.<br />
<br />
Her body raced forward, seemingly with a mind all its own. Kisaki could only watch as her fist shot out, but it was all wrong. The hand and arm attached to her was much larger and coarser than her own. <br />
<br />
None of this mattered to the yelling man, though. He grabbed hold of her and then she was airborne, flying over his shoulder to land roughly on the wooden floor where she... <br />
<br />
Just as quickly as the vision had come, it faded away and Kisaki was back where she'd been, tasting her own blood as color returned to the world and sounds started up again. <br />
<br />
The world was still moving way too slowly, but that cold logic in her mind demanded that she use the time to study the foes around her. She became acutely aware of everything about them – their size, their weight, the way they moved, how quickly they did so. All of it registered in her senses within the space of a split second, locking itself into her memory with perfect clarity as if she'd spent months, maybe years, studying nothing but these humans. <br />
<br />
With that clarity came understanding. She realized how sloppy the attack against her had been. It was a miracle she'd been struck at all, probably more a result of her outrage than any real attempt on his part. If anything, she didn't feel anger against him so much as embarrassment for herself. Such a blow was easily countered. Everything that these men... <br />
<br />
No. Warriors were men. These were boys, peasants, children – warriors in their minds only.<br />
<br />
It was time to teach them the error of their ways.<br />
<br />
Time sped up again to its normal pace, but still that cold logic remained. She stepped forward again. The male who slapped her saw her coming. He looked surprised for a moment before covering it up with a veneer of arrogance.<br />
<br />
"Want some more, bitch? Good, because I'm serving it up all day."<br />
<br />
This time, he balled his fists, but it didn't matter. Kisaki somehow understood what he was going to do, perhaps even before he did. <br />
<br />
She raised an arm and easily blocked the punch. Her attacker's eyes opened wide in surprise. Then, just as quickly, she threw a blow of her own, an open-handed shot to his throat. It caught him dead on, as she knew it would, and he doubled over, gasping for breath. <br />
<br />
As he did, she brought a knee up into his jaw. She heard teeth crack and then he dropped to the ground. Unlike when he'd shoved her, though, it didn't appear he would be getting back to his feet nearly as quickly.<br />
<br />
Kisaki had barely a moment to be amazed at what she'd done. She'd never been allowed to study fighting or weaponry, no matter how much she had begged. Her mother had forbidden it, and Shitoro wasn't the type to go against her wishes. <br />
<br />
But then the moment was over, as the other boy next to Robbie rushed at her. This one was short, but thickly built. He moved as one who knew what he was doing. Not a warrior, but perhaps one in training. <br />
<br />
None of that mattered. Kisaki analyzed his moves in the time it took him to pass Robbie and came up with a counter strategy.<br />
<br />
She feinted to the right, but he seemed to anticipate that, which was precisely what she expected him to do. She cut hard left, sidestepping him. As he passed by, she shoved him from behind, using his own momentum to propel him into a pile of refuse along the side of the alleyway.<br />
<br />
Rough hands grabbed her from behind in a bear hug, lifting her from the ground. Blast! She'd forgotten about the pony-tailed one, Jack. Perhaps sensing she was a greater threat than her friends, he'd come up from behind her unawares as she battled the other two.<br />
<br />
"The hell?" he cried. "You some kind of ninja?"<br />
<br />
Kisaki allowed herself the ghost of a smile. Ninja had been mentioned in her studies. They were said to be masters of stealth and combat arts. It was something she'd never considered herself to be, but she was currently too distracted to disagree with him at that moment. Instead, as way of response, she threw her head back, catching him on the nose with a satisfying crunch. <br />
<br />
He screamed and let go, allowing her to throw a kick back into his leg, which dropped him to one knee. <br />
<br />
She immediately realized that these three had been little more than the warmup. The real fight lay before her. Robbie and his two remaining friends had disengaged from the brown-haired boy. She now had their undivided attention. The first two, mere minions, wore uncertain looks upon their faces. Their leader Robbie, however, looked sure of himself, a fact attested to by his wide grin. <br />
<br />
He had a confidence about him that suggested he didn't expect to lose. Robbie had the look of one who was used to having the advantage. Indeed, he was larger than most of the humans she'd met, including fully grown males such as Mr. Yoshida. For all intents and purposes, Kisaki should have been terrified of him. But she wasn't. She didn't know what was happening to her, but whatever it was, she reveled in it.<br />
<br />
<i><b>Available now for:</b></i><br />
<a href="http://mybook.to/midnite"><i><b><span style="color: #990000;">Amazon Kindle / Kindle Unlimited</span></b></i></a><br />
<i><b><a href="https://www.audible.com/pd/Sci-Fi-Fantasy/Midnites-Daughter-Audiobook/B0769YYVB7/"><span style="color: #990000;">Audiobook </span></a></b></i><br />
<i><b><span style="color: #990000;"> </span> </b></i>Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-38546556217413410942017-09-14T09:37:00.001-04:002017-09-14T09:37:44.290-04:00Making The Orville funnier ... one comedy writer's conceit. <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jNLbBeQsEL4/Wbp9GB7C4KI/AAAAAAAACNQ/QyJGhLGY8As6ZIYYuRvF1cPQjy-hcaCmQCLcBGAs/s1600/orville.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="404" data-original-width="720" height="180" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jNLbBeQsEL4/Wbp9GB7C4KI/AAAAAAAACNQ/QyJGhLGY8As6ZIYYuRvF1cPQjy-hcaCmQCLcBGAs/s320/orville.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The ship is nice looking ... but not funny</td></tr>
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I watched the premiere of <b>The Orville</b> last night, Fox's attempt at a comedic Star Trek take off - not dissimilar to what Galaxy Quest did, but in TV form.<br />
<br />
It was pretty good. I'll definitely be tuning in again. However, I can't help but feel they missed a ton of opportunity to make what was a good show into a great one.<br />
<br />
I think the biggest miss there was in the rather light sprinkling of comedy, which was amusing at times but never even close to what I'd consider hilarious. <br />
<br />
Now, Seth MacFarlane's resume is a shitload longer than mine, so it's probably arrogant of me to say this, but I can't help but think their biggest mistake is in trying to give The Orville a heart. The problem is, for me at least, feel-good comedies more often than not lose sight of the comedy part in favor of making us root for the heroes. That's a shame, because this isn't serious sci-fi. There's no reason for us to root for anyone. <br />
<br />
Consider <b>Spaceballs</b>, Mel Brooks' spoof of the Star Wars franchise. The thing is, is works, and often works well. Why? Because it's not afraid to embrace its absurdity. It doesn't care if we love Lone Star or are hissing at Dark Helmet, because they're both equally inept. The thing that matters is they're making us laugh, which they do often. <br />
<br />
The Orville instead tries to give us a serious universe with some quirky characters. There's definitely potential there but, if the premiere was any indication, they were far more focused on making us like the cast than making us laugh ... and in what is essentially a spoof of a well-established genre, I'm not sure that's good enough.<br />
<br />
Being I allegedly know a thing or two about comedy myself, I thought I'd take a stab at fixing this.<br />
<br />
That said, here are some missteps and/or changes I would make to the characters of The Orville which I think would up the funny considerably, while still leaving it safe for prime time TV.<br />
<br />
Note: <i><span style="color: #990000;"><b>SPOILERS BELOW....</b></span></i><br />
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<b>Captain Mercer</b>: I think the show's number one mistake was in making him a competent officer going through a bad stretch. That right there makes it far too easy for him to reach down inside and ultimately do the right thing / find the right path. Can't say that works for me. Instead, make this guy a total fuck-up and an irredeemable one at that. Either Peter Griffin in space or a live action Zap Brannigan. Have him win the day by dumb luck, barely learning a damn thing as his crewmen get vaporized around him yet he collects the accolades.<br />
<br />
<b>Commander Grayson</b>: The cheating ex-wife. Sadly, the way they're playing it here makes me think they have two choices plot-wise: either she and her husband eventually get back together after a series of Friends-like blunders or they merely stay friends and learn to work with each other. Unfortunately, the first is cliche and the second simply isn't funny. Go 100% Married With Children here, I say. Make these two loathe each other, yet be forced to work together. Heck, maybe the reason she's even on the ship is she has a huge life insurance policy out on him and is doing her damnedest to get him killed in a way that lets her collect. <br />
<br />
<b>LT. Malloy</b>: The mistake here is that both he and the Captain are both super competent, but a bit screwed up. Again, that allows them to fix things because ultimately they're both capable officers. I'd say, of the two, let him stay competent, but make it so that he's loyal to a fault to his friend. His entire career has been killed because he's constantly covering for Mercer and suffering the consequences as a result.<br />
<br />
<b>Bortus</b>: Interestingly enough, I wouldn't change him too much. He played straight man in episode 1. Keep him that way. Make him the equivalent of Alan Rickman's character from Galaxy Quest. In fact, make him far more competent than either the Capt or 1st officer, yet they always get the credit. Deep down he hates them both, since he's more fit for command, but he believes in duty too much to do anything about it ... save hope they both die horribly in a way in which he can't save them. <br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Currently in no danger of being dethroned</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Lt Lamarr</b>: If they made the changes I suggested to Malloy, then I'd keep him as is. One jackass at the navigation station is cool, but not two. His snark was amusing, just don't turn him into a stereotype in space. That'll quickly tire. <br />
<br />
<b>Isaac</b>: Talk about the biggest wasted potential of the premiere. Me, I'd go full-on Marvin the paranoid android's arrogant brother with him. <i>Everything</i> he says and does would be a dig at how much the others suck. Heck, maybe I'd make him the big bad enemy of the season, constantly reporting back to his superiors so they can invade the Union ... but ultimately sending them shitty info since the people he's reporting on are all inept. <br />
<br />
<b>Dr. Finn</b>: I would make her as she appears in the premiere, but to the Nth degree. Have her be writing a research paper on why the Union needs better screening and this crew are the main subjects. Make her always studying them, even when they're injured, but treating them more like lab rats than people. <br />
<br />
<b>Alana Kitan</b>: The first thing I'd do is have her be a LOT more ignorant in the ways of how other species work. Her strength should cause more problems than it solves. She's always hurting people, smashing equipment, or crushing her laser gun at the wrong moment. It's a bit cliche, but maybe have her eventually discover the joys of sex and go all overboard, ensuring that half the crew are in sickbay at all times because of her voracious appetite. <br />
<br />
<b>The Krill</b>: They had zero personality in the premiere - generic bad guys, who stopped long enough to have one civil conversation, which was supposed to be funny, but wasn't. Rewrite them so that they're hyper violent. Make them Klingons on steroids. Everything about their culture is violent. Their solution to every problem is to shoot, stab, or punch it. The captain's answer about marriage would have been far more hilarious had he explained, how he blew up his first wife, shoved his second out an airlock, and is currently fending off multiple assassination attempts from his kids.<br />
<br />
Those are just my off-the-top-of-my-head thoughts. Hopefully subsequent episodes can kick the tires a bit and find a better pace for the humor. As I said, I'll be continuing to watch it, but as of right now it's with an eye more toward hoping they don't miss as many opportunities than actually laughing out loud. <br />
Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-32653618408311632092017-07-29T16:20:00.001-04:002017-10-20T09:11:25.897-04:00Teaser Chapter for Lycan MoonI'm pleased to announce that <span style="color: #990000;"><b>LYCAN MOON</b></span>, a new dark fantasy adventure by yours truly and Ruby Cruz, is almost here!<br />
<br />
Coming <b>Aug 11th</b>. Available for Pre-Order from <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Lycan-Moon-Urban-Fairy-Tale-ebook/dp/B074CKJCC3/"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>Amazon.com</b></span></a> now. Check out a small sample chapter below....<br />
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<br />
Rowan Sinclair has trained for a life in the shadows. As a member of the Guild, she's vowed to mercilessly hunt werewolves or die trying. But when one approaches her, claiming to know her missing father's fate, she decides to do the unthinkable - work with one of the very monsters she’s sworn to destroy.<br />
<br />
Dean Mason is a man living with a curse, doing whatever he can to keep the beast inside from sating its bloodlust under the light of the full moon. When a chance meeting offers a tantalizing glimpse of a potential cure, he’ll do anything to end the nightmare.<br />
<br />
Now destiny has united these two predators, each possessing the key to something the other desperately needs. Their partnership will lead to either their salvation or mutual destruction in this urban fairy tale where there's no such thing as happily ever after. <br />
<br />
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-C4DiRL2MzhY/Wen1-GmTfsI/AAAAAAAACPc/JhbpnHfifHwK8m2kBNNdOu9kWa8YupTSQCLcBGAs/s1600/lycan2-lg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-C4DiRL2MzhY/Wen1-GmTfsI/AAAAAAAACPc/JhbpnHfifHwK8m2kBNNdOu9kWa8YupTSQCLcBGAs/s320/lycan2-lg.jpg" width="213" height="320" data-original-width="500" data-original-height="750" /></a></div>Ro stopped moving as she heard what sounded like multiple soft footsteps padding through the underbrush. As she ceased her movement, so did they, mirroring her. She’d been right. These wolves seemed much smarter than the average packs she and her father had hunted in the past.<br />
<br />
“Hello?” she called out timidly. “Is anybody there?” She almost had to stifle a chuckle at the horror movie cliché.<br />
<br />
Before entering the park, she’d purloined an oversized coat and hat from a nearby Goodwill box. She figured her best bet for blending in would be to either appear as a jogger out for a late night run or as a homeless person in the wrong place at the wrong time. She’d decided on the latter, as it made her appear weaker, not to mention offered plenty of camouflage for her weaponry.<br />
<br />
Though she had her tracker on her, she didn’t dare look at it. To do so now would give away that she was more than she appeared. Besides, with her senses on edge as they were, she didn’t need it.<br />
<br />
She took a step, then another, when the hairs on the back of her neck stood up straight and a corresponding spike of adrenaline hit her brain.<br />
<br />
Ro sidestepped, more out of instinct than having heard the actual attack. The wolf was both smart and fast. Had she been anything less than she was, it would have taken her and carried her off into the bushes before she’d even had a chance to scream.<br />
<br />
Pity for it that, smart as it was, luck wasn’t on its side this night.<br />
<br />
She spun as it leapt at the spot she’d been a mere moment before and brought her fist up, slamming it into the back of the beast’s thick skull. Normally such a blow would be laughable in the face of a monster wolf, but she’d used its momentum against it. Off balance as it was, her hit sent it staggering to its knees as it tried to cease its own forward motion.<br />
<br />
Ro jumped on its back, simultaneously drawing her knife. She was sticking to her personal promise. Besides, it was too soon for the gun. She could sense this wolf wasn’t alone. Though double-tapping it in the back of the head with nine millimeters of silver was by far the safer course of action, she didn’t want to prematurely scare off the pack-mate she was certain was close by. She wanted it to think this was a fluke – that she’d gotten lucky.<br />
<br />
After everything she’d gone through the past few weeks, one kill was not going to suffice for this moon.<br />
<br />
Before the first wolf could regain its feet, she slammed the weapon into the base of its skull. Despite the toughness of its skin, the silvered blade sank into it like a hot knife through butter. With a quick twist of the grip, she severed its spinal cord, killing it instantly.<br />
<br />
It hadn’t even had time to whimper.<br />
<br />
Ro pulled out the blade and palmed it, drawing it into the oversized sleeve of the coat. She backed away from the downed wolf and started trembling. Though she knew it was likely that whatever else was out here with her wouldn’t be taken in by the ruse, she had to try. If another wolf was close by and truly in the grip of its beast form, it might not possess the higher brain functions to put two and two together.<br />
<br />
She didn’t think that likely, though. Everything she knew about these Los Colmillos wolves told her they weren’t animals, at least not in their thinking. The first one had been sloppy, overconfident, but there was little chance of another being so reckless in the face of the obvious – that she was still standing while its pack-mate lay dead on the path.<br />
<br />
Still, Ro kept up the illusion. She backed away from the monster, staring at it wide-eyed, a feigned look of horror upon her face as if she was too terrified to even scream.<br />
<br />
Several moments passed when suddenly the hairs on her neck stood up again and she sensed movement from ahead.<br />
<br />
<i>That’s it. Come to mama.</i><br />
<br />
She’d purposely backed herself up against a rocky outcropping. It served to protect her backside, even if it boxed her in. That was fine, however. She had no intention of running.<br />
<br />
The wolf stepped from the brush on the opposite side of its dead companion. It was huge, considerably larger than the one she’d just dispatched.<br />
<br />
She took a quick look at the dead wolf, taking note of its smaller size and lighter coloring. Probably a female. The one before her now was most definitely a male which, for some reason, made the coming fight even more exciting.<br />
<br />
The beast lowered itself to all fours and approached the downed wolf slowly, its eyes never leaving her. Its stance suggested it was ready to spring into action at any moment. Ro stared back at it wide-eyed, as if in disbelief, but in actuality waiting for it to be in a position where she was unlikely to miss her shot.<br />
<br />
Slowly, she reached down with her free hand and slid it beneath the hem of the coat to where her holster lay.<br />
<br />
<i>Just a little more, you son of a bitch.</i><br />
<br />
The wolf nudged the other with its nose, as if checking to see if it were merely stunned.<br />
<br />
<i>Good luck with that.</i><br />
<br />
Even as the male continued to sniff its companion, the dead wolf began to change. The hair retreated from its body. Its stature began to shorten, and its features began to take on a human-like form. Within moments, Ro’s instincts were confirmed as the body of a naked woman lay where the wolf had been a moment earlier.<br />
<br />
The other beast lifted its head and bared its teeth at her.<br />
<br />
“Come on,” she whispered. “Here I am. So tasty and helpless.”<br />
<br />
Rather than charge her, though, the wolf looked around as if considering its options.<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Damnit! </i>“Not fooling you for a second, am I?” she asked aloud. “Fine. The hard way it is.”<br />
<br />
Ro flung the coat off her, revealing her lithe form. In the same movement, she drew her gun. When the dead wolf had shrunk back to human size, it had greatly diminished the cover it provided its companion. She didn’t think she was going to get a clearer shot.<br />
<br />
This wolf proved to be much smarter than its companion, however. It reared up to its full height and kicked out, sending the dead woman flying toward Ro just as she pulled the trigger.<br />
<br />
Ro dove out of the way, her shot missing by a mile. She rolled and came up to her feet just as the wolf lunged for her. There was no hesitation from it as there had been that night with Dean. This one meant to have its pound of flesh.<br />
<br />
That was fine by her. She likewise felt absolutely no sympathy in this fight, either for herself or the creature.<br />
<br />
Only one of them would walk away from this.<br />
<br />
There was no time to aim properly. She pulled the trigger as she sidestepped, catching a hairy elbow in her midsection, hard enough to almost knock the wind out of her.<br />
<br />
She staggered and backpedaled, putting some distance between her and it. Clear shot or not, it was suicide to stay within arm’s reach of a monster like this.<br />
<br />
As she did, she saw the creature stumble into the tree line. It put one of its paws over its thigh and let out a brief whimper. She’d winged it.<br />
<br />
The male wolf turned toward her wide-eyed, the anger in its eyes replaced by a look of pain and, although she couldn’t be certain, she was convinced she saw fear, too.<br />
<br />
It had just enough cover to potentially ruin her shot. She had to finish it off before it could bolt. If it ran, it was unlikely she’d be able to find it again before it could hole up somewhere.<br />
<br />
“So, that other mutt?” she asked, hoping this thing was smart enough to understand her. “She your mate, or just your fuck puppy?”<br />
<br />
Its eyes narrowed and its lips pulled back from its teeth.<br />
<br />
<i>Pride before a fall, motherfucker.</i><br />
<br />
“Sorry to break it to you, Fido, but I’m pretty sure all dogs don’t go to heaven.”<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><b>Available now for:</b></i><br />
<i><b><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Lycan-Moon-Urban-Fairy-Tale-ebook/dp/B074CKJCC3/"><span style="color: #990000;">Amazon Kindle / Kindle Unlimited</span></a></b></i><br />
<i><b><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Lycan-Moon-Urban-Fairy-Tale-ebook/dp/B074CKJCC3/"><span style="color: #990000;">Amazon UK</span></a><span style="color: #990000;"><br /></span></b></i><br />
<i><b><span style="color: #990000;"> </span> </b></i>Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-58266733032713850072017-06-08T13:47:00.000-04:002017-06-08T15:01:13.370-04:00What's YOUR Tome of Bill Vampire Name?So, you want to be "recruited" into Village Coven so you can hang with Bill, Sally, and all of their friends? Well, there's two problems.<br />
<br />
1) You're alive.<br />
2) You need a cool coven name.<br />
<br />
Assuming some vampire decides to take pity on your blood-filled self and relieve you of that first part, you still gotta work on number 2.<br />
<br />
But, fortunately for you, here's your handy dandy guide to solving that dilemma for all of eternity.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ey2rMwHIrl0/WTme7cMvFOI/AAAAAAAACJ4/NiYYsqdVOTkJ3kg9WJhhNPlMTQLGfVwUQCLcB/s1600/TOB-Vamp-Name.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ey2rMwHIrl0/WTme7cMvFOI/AAAAAAAACJ4/NiYYsqdVOTkJ3kg9WJhhNPlMTQLGfVwUQCLcB/s640/TOB-Vamp-Name.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-2669568977602865892017-05-26T09:54:00.000-04:002017-05-31T13:56:19.609-04:00Con Carolinas ... here I come!It's about time for me to crawl out of my cave and be social again and I have a pretty good venue coming up to do it at.<br />
<br />
I'll be at <a href="http://www.concarolinas.org/"><b><span style="color: #990000;">Con Carolinas</span></b></a> next week. It's being held <b>June 2 - 4</b> at the <b>Hilton Charlotte University Place</b> (their spelling not mine).<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WH4pjWJozp0/V4ZAEs_abOI/AAAAAAAAB5A/bEO0brNY5_Yb7JoY6AFma0RwR5puIgz8wCPcB/s1600/pika-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="999" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WH4pjWJozp0/V4ZAEs_abOI/AAAAAAAAB5A/bEO0brNY5_Yb7JoY6AFma0RwR5puIgz8wCPcB/s320/pika-2.jpg" width="308" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Because who wouldn't want to buy stuff from this guy?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In addition to hawking my books along with my near illegible autograph in the vendor area for the entire weekend, I'll be participating in several panels and events. <br />
<br />
Here's where you can find me:<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><i>Friday, June 2, 2017</i></span><br />
<br />
<b>The Dreaded Synopsis (moderating)</b><br />
4-5 PM<br />
<br />
Official blurb: Almost as bad as the query letter is the synopsis. Our authors will go through the process they follow when writing a synopsis, including differences in techniques used when writing the synopsis before the manuscript versus after the manuscript. <br />
Moderator.<br />
<br />
My take: Join me as I try to figure out exactly what a moderator does at these things ... err that is, as I lead a panel comprised of: Quincy J Allen, Samantha Bryant, David B. Coe, Jason T. Graves, and Grey Rineheart in discussing book blurbs and stuff. <br />
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><i>Saturday, June 3 2017</i></span><br />
<br />
<b>Going for the Laughs</b> (with most of the Authors and Dragons crew)<br />
10-11 AM <br />
<br />
Official blurb: Writing humor isn't easy. How do you create funny stories without completely bombing?<br />
<br />
My take: Yeah, we're gonna bomb. I mean, heck it's me and the majority of my Authors and Dragons cast mates making a fuckery of things along with one non-A&D author who is almost guaranteed to hate us by the end of things. <br />
<br />
<b>Literary Malpractice</b><br />
12-1 PM<br />
<br />
Official blurb: The movies get medicine wrong all the time, and so do books. Let’s talk about some of the most egregious mistakes you've read, and ways to avoid them yourself. <br />
<br />
My take: "Hey, Rick, did you know you got your guns wrong on page...?" This is what we in the author world call delicious irony. <br />
<br />
<b>Author Dating Game</b> <br />
1-2:30 PM<br />
<br />
Official blurb: Can't decide what to read next? Join our game and make a date with a character from the works of some of our celebrated author guests! <br />
<br />
My
take: You wish to talk to Rick, you stay away. You wish to talk to mighty Turd then come and have your head smashed! <br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Sexual Identity in Speculative Fiction</b>7-8 PM<br />
<br />
Official Blurb: Have we finally reached an era when the protagonist's sexual identity has no affect on the book's readability? Or do queer characters still run the risk of marginalizing the book into a "niche" shelf? <br />
<br />
My Take: Having a character's defining trait be "gay" makes no more fucking sense to me than having a character who's entire personality is "black" or "likes spaghetti-o's", aside from sloppy writing. If they're not a fully fleshed out person, like any other character, then the author has failed IMHO. Now to see if I can express this in a way that doesn't piss off an entire room of people. <br />
<br />
<b>Authors & Dragons Live Podcast</b><br />
10 - 11:30 PM<br />
<br />
Official Blurb: A Podcast Where A Party Of Fantasy Authors Try To Make It Through A Game Of Pathfinder Without Dying. Will They Succeed? Probably Not! <br />
<br />
My Take: A live Podcast where a party of fantasy authors will probably embarrass the shit out of their drunken selves, probably culminating in us all passing out in a mass pool of vomit. And fun was had for all!<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8Z7liaN5EeA/VpWLzKPyjjI/AAAAAAAABco/rLeBgyem70I04u8TyO6jQ-OKMF05kQTJACPcB/s1600/sjw.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1014" data-original-width="852" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8Z7liaN5EeA/VpWLzKPyjjI/AAAAAAAABco/rLeBgyem70I04u8TyO6jQ-OKMF05kQTJACPcB/s320/sjw.jpg" width="269" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Self Censorship, something I excel at</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="color: #990000;"><i>Sunday, June 4, 2017</i></span><br />
<br />
<b>Self-Censorship</b><br />
12 - 1 PM<br />
<br />
Official Blurb: Have you ever written something and realized there is no way you could possibly publish it? Should you censor yourself? Are there subjects that are simply too taboo? Should emotional triggers be avoided at all cost? <br />
<br />
My Take: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This should be a ton of fun. <br />
<br />
<b>Star Trek: Which Generation is This?</b><br />
1 - 2 PM<br />
<br />
Official Blurb: Star Trek Discovery is currently in production. Discussion of the latest
film and the newest television show and the alternate movie universe.
<br />
<br />
My Take: Fuck CBS and their All Access bullshit! Oh wait, did I give away my stance on this? Oops. Spoilers. :)<br />
<br />
I hope you can make it! Pop by. Say hi! Grab one of my not-so-patented cursed dice. It's bound to be a blast. <br />
<br />Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-75483461922288952202017-04-09T18:32:00.001-04:002017-04-09T19:17:55.406-04:00Back in the Dungeon Master Saddle Again!Fellow author and all around cool dude, Robert Bevan, recently posted a<a href="http://www.caverns-and-creatures.com/blog/2017/3/24/the-fine-art-of-game-mastering-and-why-im-shit-at-it" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b> blog entry </b></span></a>on exactly why those wondering what kind of Dungeon Master he is would have to keep on wondering.<br />
<br />
Interestingly enough, his post on the subject pretty much coincided with my return to the other side of the gaming screen after over <i>two decades</i> of life as a mere player.<br />
<br />
Why the long absence of allowing my ego to run wild as god of my own world, surrounded by minions put there for no other reason than my torturous amusement? Simple. With maybe one or two exceptions, the last group I DM'd kinda sucked giant hairy capybara scrotum. Sorry if any of them are reading this, but it's the truth. You guys made me wish for a TPK to the point where when the lone competent player left you to be executed while he watched, I was secretly cheering him on.<br />
<br />
Now, I'd be lying if I said a few crappy players sent me running screaming from the game master seat. The truth of the matter is running a game takes a lot of time and even more commitment. I'm the type who's more than happy to let someone else shoulder that burden, even if it's just to use those free hours staring slack-jawed at the TV. Then, following college, life stepped in, and those hours became even more precious. But now, at long last, I'm back.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SJfVqxKnvJE/WOqEvuqx9tI/AAAAAAAACHk/0PXRndOb_EQQOCQiqzKStjjNQZp2LdZhgCLcB/s1600/DM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="317" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SJfVqxKnvJE/WOqEvuqx9tI/AAAAAAAACHk/0PXRndOb_EQQOCQiqzKStjjNQZp2LdZhgCLcB/s320/DM.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The mighty game master at work</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
So what's changed? Simple. I'm older, potentially wiser, but most importantly I'm a full-time author now, working for myself, and setting my own hours. This allows me a bit of flexibility, especially since, at the very least, this frees up roughly five hours a week that I would have otherwise spent in my car commuting. Secondly, I'm only running a game every other week. Tough as it is to run a campaign, I find those ten extra hours are enough to prep for it ... mostly.<br />
<br />
All that said, I thought I'd give my observations on my grand return to game mastering after all this time and what's changed between the days of yesteryear and now. <br />
<br />
<b>1) THE PLAYERS AND I</b><br />
This is perhaps the biggest change from my college days. I'm no longer playing with a group of twenty year old assholes. No. Now I'm playing with a bunch of forty year old assholes. However, twenty years of experience is sometimes enough for a person to develop the ability to switch off asshole mode if needed. We can have tons of laughs around the table, but everyone there knows it's a commitment, shows up, and contributes ... and if they're doing dumbass things, it's purposeful, usually with some end point in mind ... even if it's just to piss me off. Gotta have goals, I say.<br />
<br />
Perhaps the most striking difference between now and then is free time, or lack thereof. Back in college, players showed up maybe because they had nothing better to do. Fast forward twenty years and people have lives, families, places they need to be. If there is one advantage to running a game with adults, it's that you know they want to be there (or <i>really</i> want to get away from their families). <br />
<br />
<b>2) MY CAREER</b><br />
I write fantasy books for a living. That means I make my money coming up with fun scenarios of life and death for heroes, monsters, and misfits. I'm capable of both plotting and pantsing, meaning I can work off an outline, but sometimes I just make shit up as I go. That latter is key for dungeon mastering, because the players are more cats than lemmings. Good luck trying to herd them toward that nice friendly tavern when they're hellbent on exploring the Cavern of Fiery Suffering.<br />
<br />
My job as a writer is to also create atmosphere, something that is absolutely essential to a night around the game table. Trust me on this. I've played with people who thought a bad Monty Python accent equaled atmosphere. My goal is to not be them. <br />
<br />
Is writing a book vs. running a game vastly different? Of course. Thinking on the fly doesn't always give you the luxury of knowing where you're taking something. There's also the fact that I'm a shit note-taker, meaning that random name I just made up for that drunk at the bar is probably forgotten when you ask me what it was ten minutes later. But sometimes that random thing that gets made up in a panic when the character asks "So, what's your favorite food, nameless NPC?" can pay itself back tenfold in a plot point that otherwise didn't exist five minutes prior.<br />
<br />
There's also the opposite to take into account ... paying attention and mining what my gamers do, for potential story ideas down the road. Sure, this could be considered shameless dickery on my part, but playing a game like <i>Dungeons & Dragons</i> or <i>Pathfinder</i> is a social experience. And, much as I love to shunt myself away from the world most days, social experiences are fodder for story ideas.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UPbE-K8JBPs/WOqE6xK7v_I/AAAAAAAACHo/VfM1_IZHbbQo8NaC6S91mShDwFYetb0jwCLcB/s1600/fumble.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UPbE-K8JBPs/WOqE6xK7v_I/AAAAAAAACHo/VfM1_IZHbbQo8NaC6S91mShDwFYetb0jwCLcB/s320/fumble.jpg" width="287" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Galinga, god of fumbles, frowns upon your dice</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>3) THE TECHNOLOGY</b><br />
I'll be the first to admit, I was never into collecting D&D minis. I'm that leech at the table who borrows your box of figurines to find one for my character. Conversely, at least I'm not going to sit there and whine because my elven archer has blond hair and all the figures are brunettes. That's only a small part of old school game prep, though. The rest is in building your world ... i.e. drawing dungeons. Hours upon upon hours of tracing fucking rooms on graph paper, only for the characters to walk right the fuck past the entrance when they blow their perception roll. Truth be told, if we were still playing this way, I would almost certainly not be dungeon mastering right now. I have a little free time, but fuck that noise.<br />
<br />
Fortunately, my group has been moving away from that and toward the virtual tabletop that services like <a href="https://roll20.net/"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>Roll20.net</b></span></a> offer. Don't get me wrong, it's still a time commitment, but it's amazing how much a little technology can help with game prep. As for minis, a virtual game world like this also allows the players to upload their own avatars, so that Craig's fucking elf can have his fucking blond hair and he can finally shut the fuck up.<br />
<br />
There's also the added advantage of distance not being an issue. One of my players Skypes in from a thousand miles away. While he's at the mercy of my kids not picking that moment to stream forty different movies at once, it's definitely cool to have him back at the table, despite the distance. <br />
<br />
<b>4) PRESSURE AND RESPONSIBILITY</b><br />
Yeah, I'm stealing this one straight from Bevan's post. The truth of the matter is yes, there's a lot of pressure to be entertaining for 5 or 6 hours around a game table where you're proctoring the action. There's also the responsibility of being ready for game day. Screw it up and you've screwed up the game. <br />
<br />
That said, it's a freaking <i>game</i> and the guys playing it are adults. If they're not enjoying things, they'll tell me. If I'm not ready in time for that week, I'll tell them and we'll cancel until the next week. And if the game truly sucks, I'll nod, take my lumps, and end the campaign. We'll survive.<br />
<br />
I have a full time job, a house, bills and taxes to pay, 3 kids - 2 of whom are special needs - etc etc. <b>Those</b> are responsibilities. Spending a few hours debating between having the group torn apart by a dragon or a pack of gnolls is a relative cakewalk comparatively.<br />
<br />
Speaking of which, there's the added stress release associated with said bloodbaths. Having a bad week? Oops, sorry. Rolled a double zero on the random monster table. A passing green dragon is hungry and you fuckers look like appetizers. Truly a victimless crime if ever there was one.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-F2UNnn-HeYw/VnC77E3GDCI/AAAAAAAABbU/ClTc4SuJ45QSAoh7OwwBxyL47zqcVU36gCPcB/s1600/dumbass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-F2UNnn-HeYw/VnC77E3GDCI/AAAAAAAABbU/ClTc4SuJ45QSAoh7OwwBxyL47zqcVU36gCPcB/s320/dumbass.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So let me get this straight. you're arguing with God?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>5) THE RULES</b><br />
This is the part where I probably struggle most. There's no debating that RPGs are more complex now than they were back in the 90's. We've gone through multiple editions of D&D, a shit-ton of new source books, and even more rules errata. Gone are the days when you had a Player's Handbook, a Dungeon Master's Guide, and 1 Monster Manual. I'll be the first to admit, I was never a rules whore. I always enjoyed the role playing aspects of running Gorm, the barely literate Orc cannibal, rather than memorizing the finer nuances of the perpetual Feeblemind spell affecting him.<br />
<br />
If there's one area where I think I might get the crap kicked out of me around the table it's this, especially since I play with a couple of power gamers (including one who's a lawyer). This is potentially daunting, but I look at it as just another challenge to overcome. There's also something to be said about knowing what battles to fight. Am I going to stop game play for an hour every time one of the PCs wants to argue that the price for an ale at the pub is 1 copper piece instead of 2? No, not really.<br />
<br />
There's also fairness take into account, as well as comeuppance. When a rule is agreed upon, that rule forevermore goes both ways ... however that might play itself out. Payback, as they say, is a bitch with six arms, multiple Vorpal swords, and that Stunning Strike decision you argued me to a standstill over six weeks back. <br />
<br />
That all said, so far it's been fun. Two game sessions in and I've made some mistakes, but I believe the story I'm trying to unfold is coming along nicely, which is what I'm focusing on. At the very least, the players all haven't quit on me ... yet.<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
Your life might not be truly complete until you've had a chance to be eviscerated by an orc party in one of my games, but until then you can fill that hole in your life with the complete <b>Tome of Bill Series</b>. Available now!<br />
<br />
<center>
<a href="http://rickgualtieri.com/bill-the-vampire-the-tome-of-bill-1/"><img alt="Bill The Vampire" border="0" src="http://www.rickgualtieri.com/books/new/bill-sm.jpg" title="Bill The Vampire" width="133" /></a> <a href="http://rickgualtieri.com/night-stalker-a-tome-of-bill-companion/"><img alt="Night Stalker" src="http://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/stalker-sm-1.jpg" title="Night Stalker" /></a> <a href="http://rickgualtieri.com/scary-dead-things-the-tome-of-bill-2/"><img alt="Scary Dead Things" border="0" src="http://www.rickgualtieri.com/books/new/scary-sm.jpg" title="Scary Dead Things" width="133" /></a> <a href="http://rickgualtieri.com/the-mourning-woods-the-tome-of-bill-3/"><img alt="The Mourning Woods" border="0" src="http://www.rickgualtieri.com/books/new/woods-sm.jpg" title="The Mourning Woods" width="133" /></a><br /><a href="http://rickgualtieri.com/holier-than-thou-the-tome-of-bill-4/"><img alt="Holier Than Thou" border="0" src="http://www.rickgualtieri.com/books/new/holier-sm.jpg" title="Holier Than Thou" width="133" /></a> <a href="http://rickgualtieri.com/sunset-strip-a-tome-of-bill-companion/"><img alt="Sunset Strip" border="0" src="http://www.rickgualtieri.com/books/new/strip-sm.jpg" title="Sunset Strip" width="133" /></a> <a href="http://rickgualtieri.com/goddamned-freaky-monsters-the-tome-of-bill-5/"><img alt="Goddamned Freaky Monsters" border="0" src="http://www.rickgualtieri.com/books/new/freaky-sm.jpg" title="Goddamned Freaky Monsters" width="133" /></a> <a href="http://rickgualtieri.com/half-a-prayer-the-tome-of-bill-6/"><img alt="Half A Prayer" border="0" src="http://www.rickgualtieri.com/books/new/prayer-sm.jpg" title="Half A Prayer" width="133" /></a><br /><a href="http://rickgualtieri.com/the-wicked-dead-the-tome-of-bill-7/"><img alt="The Wicked Dead" border="0" src="http://www.rickgualtieri.com/books/new/wicked-sm.jpg" title="The Wicked Dead" width="133" /></a> <a href="http://rickgualtieri.com/shining-fury-a-tome-of-bill-companion/"><img alt="Shining Fury" border="0" src="http://www.rickgualtieri.com/books/new/shining-sm.jpg" title="Shining Fury" width="133" /></a> <a href="http://rickgualtieri.com/the-last-coven-the-tome-of-bill-8/"><img alt="The Last Coven" border="0" src="http://www.rickgualtieri.com/books/new/last-sm.jpg" title="The Last Coven" width="133" /></a></center>
Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-76313052346145847962017-03-20T09:18:00.001-04:002017-03-20T13:52:12.775-04:00Rating the Marvel Netflix Universe (so far)I just finished watching the first season of Iron Fist on Netflix, aka another lost weekend spent staring slack-jawed at my TV. That brings me up to speed with all 4 shows and 5 seasons of the Marvel Netflix Universe. Yeah yeah, technically these, the movies, and Agents of Shield all exist in the same universe, but let's face facts, that's on paper only as there seems to be little chance of either of the two others acknowledging any of these shows whatsoever. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to see a quick Iron Man or Captain America cameo in the Defenders, but I'm pretty sure I have a better chance of seeing these characters have a crossover with Supergirl. <br />
<br />
Anyway, just to recap, the MNU so far is:<br />
<b>Daredevil </b>(seasons 1 & 2)<br />
<b>Jessica Jones</b><br />
<b>Luke Cage</b><br />
<b>Iron Fist</b><br />
<br />
Now, I'll get this out of the way first. I don't think there are any stinkers in the bunch. All of them are fine shows and very watchable. All of them are also quite different, which is nice. There's something there for everyone ... everyone who likes super hero shows anyway. Even the least of the bunch is well worth watching. <br />
<br />
That said, I wanted to rate each show according to several metrics, and then talk about where the Netflix shows in general win and where they still need some work, IMHO.<br />
<br />
Note: there may be <span style="color: #38761d;"><i>spoilers ahead...</i></span> <br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Q3Of8ysr54w/WM6zRubfiGI/AAAAAAAACFQ/ylYVwGClQPgx039SesAuNAhuq0rszAe8QCLcB/s1600/devil.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Q3Of8ysr54w/WM6zRubfiGI/AAAAAAAACFQ/ylYVwGClQPgx039SesAuNAhuq0rszAe8QCLcB/s320/devil.jpg" width="309" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Costume isn't red, I just bleed...A LOT</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>DAREDEVIL</b></span>: The first of the MNU shows and the one that set the bar for the rest. The adventures of Matt Murdock - blind attorney by day, radar-sense equipped badass by night.<br />
<ul>
<li><b>Plot</b>: 3 stars. Pretty general superhero origin. A man gets frustrated by the evil pervading his town, so he begins to fight back ... a lot ... which ultimately brings him into contact with bigger and badder players, who he then also tries to kick the shit out of. Season 2 expands upon this with more heroes and more villains as the quest to clean up Hell's Kitchen continues, along with doubts as to the main hero's state of mind, in that he's not certain who he prefers to be: Batman or ... err Daredevil that is, or Matt Murdock. </li>
<li><b>Action:</b> 5 stars. Easily the most brutal of the MNU. This show doesn't hold back any punches ... or kicks, or bullets etc etc. Daredevil gets into tons of fights and they are ugly fights, definitely not the *pew pew* lasers and lightning of the MCU. It all looks like it hurts. If there is any nit, however minor, it's that fight scenes are just that - fights between normal powered people. Sue me for being a super-power whore, but that's what I'm here to see. </li>
<li><b>Costume:</b> 4 stars. The only issue I have is they wait until the very end of season 1 to put DD into his familiar costume. And yes, I realize he ran around dressed as a ninja in the comics too, but damnit, man, when I watch a superhero, I want that hero in a costume! That said, once it's introduced, it is nice and he does wear it all throughout season 2. Bonus, we get the Punisher's costume near the end of season 2 as well. </li>
<li><b>Villains:</b> 4 stars. Vincent D'onofrio's Kingpin is pretty much spot on. No issues there. Also, Madame Gao is creepy as all fuck. Both present a nice threat to Daredevil, but in different ways. The rest ... minor bosses who exist to be beaten up.</li>
<li><b>Superpower stuff</b>: 1 star. We get 1, *ONE* shot of how Matt Murdock "sees" the world and it's a brief shot of his then-girlfriend Claire. Sometimes less is more, but they could have at least thrown us a few bones of DD vision now and then. It might be a petty concern, but again ... <i>superhero</i> show.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>JESSICA JONES:</b></span> Jessica Jones has superpowers, but they weren't enough to save her from months of psychological torture at the hands of the Purple Man. Now she just wants to survive, drink her troubles away, and occasionally touch Luke Cage's pecs.<br />
<ul>
<li><b>Plot:</b> 5 stars. An excellent, and often uncomfortable, portrayal of a woman who is one of the most powerful beings on the planet, yet is still haunted by PTSD following psychological and physical abuse at the hands of a man who's capable of dominating others with but a word.</li>
<li><b>Action:</b> 3 stars. Jessica is often reluctant to throw down. She doesn't want to be a superhero. She doesn't want to be bothered with anyone else's shit. She just wants to forget her own past. There are some notable fight scenes, though, especially when she goes up against Luke Cage, but this is definitely one of those reluctant hero tales.</li>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eiEw9lOH-78/WM609Ua_laI/AAAAAAAACFg/Rz-yj_uYGvkx_GWWrigyHwA0GkBmUazJACLcB/s1600/jessica.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eiEw9lOH-78/WM609Ua_laI/AAAAAAAACFg/Rz-yj_uYGvkx_GWWrigyHwA0GkBmUazJACLcB/s320/jessica.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm a PI, not a stripper, perv!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<li><b>Costume:</b> 2 stars. Jessica Jones doesn't often wear a costume in the comics these days, probably with good reason. Her original comic costume is little more than skin-tight lingerie. Considering her powers of flight, she'd either have to use really strong glue to hold it in place or end up flashing NYC every time she fought crime ... which would probably make this a completely different type of show. There is a fun scene where this is addressed, though, so an extra point for that.</li>
<li><b>Villains:</b> 5 stars. David Tennant's Purple Man / Killgrave is just fucking awesome. He is equal parts uber-creepy and sympathetic. But he absolutely dominates every scene he's in. Almost loses a point for a subplot involving a character named Nuke, who is ultimately not much more than filler, but Killgrave is one of the best marvel villains so far in any of their properties. Hell, give me a movie where he teams up with Hugo Weaving's Red Skull and I'd watch the shit out of that.</li>
<li><b>Superpower Stuff:</b> 3 stars. Jessica Jones is super strong and they don't shy away from that. However, they kind of gloss over her flight abilities, mostly with 1 or 2 cheap cutaways. But again, this is a reluctant hero. She doesn't want to use her powers (unlike a person like me, who'd spend the entire series punching out bulldozers).</li>
</ul>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9RZYC03PZuE/WM62bGMs-dI/AAAAAAAACFs/4hj1JD1ouiMAi-0B6-fdY2Ne5ZZuQyBwACLcB/s1600/cage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9RZYC03PZuE/WM62bGMs-dI/AAAAAAAACFs/4hj1JD1ouiMAi-0B6-fdY2Ne5ZZuQyBwACLcB/s320/cage.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not a man you want turning the other cheek</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>LUKE CAGE: </b></span>A man with steel skin and super strength who just wants to be left alone ... to sweep hair in a barber shop. Hey, I don't judge.<br />
<ul>
<li><b>Plot:</b> 2 stars. Starts off fairly strong, as a small story of a man just trying to keep his neighborhood safe while staying under the radar. Then kind of goes off the rails, and finally introduces us to the main villain late in the game.</li>
<li><b>Action:</b> 4 stars. Features probably the only true "superhero" fight in the MNU as Cage and Diamondback (in a super-suit) face off, trading super-powered punches and not trying to hide it in the least. Also, it never gets dull watching Cage kick the crap out of people. There's a lot of broken bones by the end of this one.</li>
<li><b>Costume:</b> 2 stars. Modern Luke Cage doesn't really wear a costume either. That's fine. We do get a little fan wank in the form of his earlier Power Man costume, with Cage basically making fun of how he stupid looks in it. </li>
<li><b>Villain:</b> 2 stars. Alfre Woodard is quite good as Mariah. However, she's never actually a physical threat to cage. Cottonmouth is so-so at best. Honestly, it was hard for me to figure out what his motivation was at all ... and then he dies halfway through the series. Diamondback exists to give Cage a physical challenge, however, he shows up very late in the series and his reasons for hating cage end up being kind of lame. </li>
<li><b>Superpower Stuff:</b> 4 stars. It's a show about a guy who is super strong and nearly indestructible and Netflix seems to understand that you can't hide that and make it effective at the same time. I never got the sense that MNU Luke Cage is as powerful as comic Cage, but they do an effective job of getting it across that this is a guy who can step into a room with a dozen pissed off enemies and still be the only one to walk out again. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<span style="color: #990000;"><b>IRON FIST:</b></span> Danny Rand returns to NYC after 15 years of being stranded in the Himalayas, where he was raised by kung-fu monks and defeated a dragon to gain super chi powers ... and a title that I'm sure some pornos are dying to use. Eh, whatever. Works for me.<br />
<ul>
<li><b>Plot:</b> 3 stars. Another pretty general superhero plot. Danny returns home to reclaim his identity, only to find that his life has been a lie and those who he thought were his friends were mostly not ... all while he's kinda too dumb to notice it until the very end. Speaking of the end, IF loses at least a half point for episode 13 which both felt tacked on and offered an opponent for Danny who had about as much chance of winning as a toddler ... and was about as convincing. </li>
<li><b>Action:</b> 4 stars. Lots of kung-fu action and a touch from Marvel's mystical side. Mind you, not all of the kung-fu is convincing, and it is never as brutal as Daredevil's action, but it's mostly fun to watch. Jessica Henwick's Colleen Wing is pretty much pure awesomeness, though. </li>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cNwi0PS0FNk/WM64om6cmBI/AAAAAAAACF4/JMRjBGYx9r4fOZlH65oyvbiVQbUldqragCLcB/s1600/fist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cNwi0PS0FNk/WM64om6cmBI/AAAAAAAACF4/JMRjBGYx9r4fOZlH65oyvbiVQbUldqragCLcB/s320/fist.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm a Billionaire, I'll wear whatever the fuck I want</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<li><b>Costume:</b> 1 star. Yes, he has the dragon tattoo, but of all the costumes to put together for a superhero show, you'd think his would be the easiest. Christ, just run out to Target and buy Finn Jones some PJs. We do get a tease of an earlier Iron Fist wearing the traditional costume, but it's in the form of a grainy film - boo! </li>
<li><b>Villain:</b> 3 stars. Madam Gao continues to be creepy as fuck, but the rest are a mismatch who are either two dimensional or not really a threat unless the hero is dumb as shit. Oddly enough, despite the Hand being a major threat in this series, there are far fewer ninja for Iron Fist to fight than there were in Daredevil. Maybe the Punisher killed them all?</li>
<li><b>Superpower Stuff:</b> 5 stars. Danny's hand lights up and pulverizes pretty much anything it hits. It's definitely cool to watch. Yeah, they do the lame "he loses his powers" thing that every hero show does and then, later on, how he gets them back isn't entirely clear. Still, it probably has the best effects scene of any of the MNU shows when he uses it to utterly obliterate the floor of a building. Yeah, show me the money, baby!</li>
</ul>
<br />
My favorites in order:<br />
<b>Iron Fist</b><br />
<b>Daredevil</b><br />
<b>Jessica Jones</b><br />
<b>Luke Cage</b><br />
<br />
Probably a controversial choice for that top spot, and a tough one. DD might be a better show, but ultimately Iron Fist is more fun and makes with the powers more often. As such, I gotta rank it the better <i>superhero</i> show (Mind you, it's a very close call, especially considering episode 13 of IF). Jessica Jones is a powerful show with an A+ bad guy, but at times it can be rough to watch. As for Luke Cage, it gets the superhero part right, but seemed to waffle with everything else. <br />
<br />
<b>What they all do well: </b> These are all fairly gritty shows that try to be grounded in our world. While they never stray too far into R-territory, the action and language tends to be much saltier than the MCU movies, lending some good realism and some really nice scenes. 10+ episodes gives us a lot of screen time to get to know these characters, which is doubly cool (except for those characters who suck). <br />
<br />
<b>What they all need to work on</b>: I think we need more diversity. And no, I don't mean in casting choices. I mean heroes and their powers. While I've
greatly enjoyed the MNU, their four main heroes all have powers that are
essentially minor variations on "punching stuff". Considering Agents of Shield features Quake and had a half season of
a passable Ghost Rider, I don't think this is beyond Netflix's capabilities or budget. Marvel has a
rich cast of characters with some quirky powers. Pick one or two who do different
things. <br />
<br />
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, realism is good to a degree, but these are freaking superhero shows, which means I want to see more superhero'ing. Let's face facts, you have The Flash on the CW devoting entire shows to talking gorillas or giant man-sharks, yet Netflix seems reluctant to even put their heroes into a freaking costume. At times it's almost like they're embarrassed of the source material. Yes, that's fine that they want these to be character pieces, but when I turn on a show like Luke Cage, you can bet I'm not going to be happy until he throws a truck at someone.<br />
<br />
Seriously, Netflix! <i><b>The Defenders</b></i> is up next. So work on that shit!<br />
<br />
<br />Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-19373512487157698192017-02-08T09:32:00.001-05:002017-02-25T10:57:04.908-05:00The Road to Armageddon - Alex<span style="color: #990000;"><b>THE LAST COVEN</b></span>
- The Tome of Bill 8 - is coming <b>FEB 10</b> to all major ebook platforms. It's the end of this crazy road, so
to speak. To help celebrate the grand finale, I've been posting short
stories detailing snippets from the lives of various characters from
series. And finally, here we are, at the big cheese himself...<br />
<br />
I hope you've enjoyed these small side journeys. I've had a lot of fun writing them.<br />
<br />
<i>-The below story takes place concurrent with Part1 of The Last Coven </i><br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gjylanVw1Sk/VGKl8-nddDI/AAAAAAAAA_M/frGRhOLMV8s-VcrgiU6qmp06kPlcz-i7wCPcB/s1600/alex.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gjylanVw1Sk/VGKl8-nddDI/AAAAAAAAA_M/frGRhOLMV8s-VcrgiU6qmp06kPlcz-i7wCPcB/s320/alex.jpg" width="297" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Can You Guess Which Color is my Stink Eye?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>ALEXANDER</b></span></span><br />
<br />
"Leave me."<br />
<br />
"But, brother Alexander, this is a matter of grave..."<br />
<br />
"Not now, Yehoshua," I said, waving him off. "Trust me, none are more aware of the gravity of the situation than I."<br />
<br />
He appeared to consider arguing the point further, but then – after a measured, no doubt purposeful, beat – he nodded and left me alone in my chambers. <br />
<br />
As I often did, I allowed myself a moment of consideration toward my <i>brother</i>. Only a few scant centuries younger than I, others might have considered him a threat. Indeed, his was often the most vocal opposition toward my ambitions for our race. With Theodora by his side, her fire added to his stoic logic, they had managed to form a vexing check to my plans for far longer than I would have preferred. <br />
<br />
The warrior and the diplomat, together a formidable force<br />
<br />
But now Theodora was no more, a victim of her own rash anger. Still mourning her death, much of the fight had since gone out of Yehoshua's arguments. Even in my proposed response to the recent report from the Boston Prefecture, his opposition had been greatly minimized compared to what I would have anticipated only a few months prior. <br />
<br />
All according to my plan, of course.<br />
<br />
Yet, despite this, I couldn't help but feel a familiar stab of jealousy and regret. Though their eventual disposal was inevitable, I was still forced to admit to being envious of their relationship. In each other, they had found something. Though their ways differed greatly, they could relate by their shared history, being among the few of our kind remaining from those ancient days. <br />
<br />
In truth, I understood Yehoshua's pain. <br />
<br />
Once, very long ago, I had envisioned a similar cadre around myself – I and my childhood friends turned generals, together as we ruled this world for all of eternity. What a glorious fate that would have made.<br />
<br />
I turned in my seat and looked up at the painting that hung above me, letting my thoughts fly to the distant past as I marveled at the gleaning black coat of the stallion who raced across the painted landscape. <br />
<br />
Ah, to feel Bucephalus beneath me once more as I road into battle. A finer steed has never tread upon this Earth since. Over two-thousand years and I have not met his equal. <br />
<br />
Remembering him brought with it thoughts of the others and I allowed myself the momentary luxury of getting lost in memories of the past.<br />
<br />
We had been so close to complete victory, only to be denied by the impossible itself. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
* * *</div>
<br />
If one were to believe contemporary historians, one might think it was Coenus who convinced me to turn back as we stood on the shores of the Hyphasis – the furthest reaches of my vast empire. Hah, as if he, silver-tongued as he was, could have swayed my mind once it was set to action.<br />
<br />
I glanced back toward my desk for a moment, my eyes straying to the locked drawer on the bottom right. Within it lay the last surviving copy of Ptolemy's history, the rest having been destroyed long ago. A regrettable, but necessary loss. <br />
<br />
Ptolemy was a good friend, a fine general, and by all accounts a successful king in his own right. However, his account of our days together was far too honest to have survived the test of time. Though it would have, in all likelihood, been dismissed as little more than legend or metaphor, it was best removed from the consideration of those who might take such information and dig deeper than was best for them. <br />
<br />
I considered what he wrote, having memorized the words. Though there was little need for me to do so, having experienced them firsthand, reading our adventures as he wrote them allowed me to once more hear his voice in my head.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-py6y1w8sBIM/WDxFaAxnsLI/AAAAAAAAB_Q/TbZdQcacWLoJyP4HHd3_eOPnUrQNayMFACPcB/s1600/thelastcoven3-draft-sm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-py6y1w8sBIM/WDxFaAxnsLI/AAAAAAAAB_Q/TbZdQcacWLoJyP4HHd3_eOPnUrQNayMFACPcB/s320/thelastcoven3-draft-sm.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
Up until those final days in India, the two histories – the official account and the truth – matched relatively well. But what the history books omit is of how Poros warned me against marching further east into the lands controlled by the Nandas, telling me of a great darkness that lay in the direction of the Ganges. <br />
<br />
I thought him merely to be protecting some treasure that lay hidden. Though I respected him for his deeds in battle, enough so to spare both his life and title, that did not mean I trusted him. <br />
<br />
But then we saw it for ourselves. A small force, laughably few in number, met us at the Nanda border at dusk. We thought them brave, if somewhat suicidal, so I dispatched a small contingent to offer them the option of surrender. <br />
<br />
My men never stood a chance. They were torn asunder as if they were scraps of meat thrown to wild dogs. <br />
<br />
Annoyed that my gesture had been so rudely rebuffed, I ordered my infantry to dispatch these animals in the guise of men, to put each and every last one of them to the sword. It was then that I and my generals witnessed the impossible.<br />
<br />
The enemy, though small in number, each seemed to possess the strength of ten men. We watched aghast as again and again they were struck down with fatal blows, only to arise anew as if they hadn't been touched.<br />
<br />
I was not so easily routed, though, and I forced my men onward despite the unease I felt, knowing that my station demanded no less of me. Outnumbered ten to one and with no strategy other than murder on their side, our foes continued to fight us throughout the night. <br />
<br />
It was only come the morning, when the sun shone down upon us, that the true horror of what we had witnessed began to sink in. No bodies, save the dead of my own army, could be seen, despite the blood on the battlefield being almost ankle deep. <br />
<br />
Never before had I seen such a thing, never dreamt it was possible. It was as if the gods themselves had sent divine warriors to slow our advance.<br />
<br />
I ordered our dead to be burned and summoned Poros, demanding to know more. <br />
<br />
Though he was hesitant at first, his tongue eventually loosened. He told me tales of creatures of the night, man-devils who feasted on the blood of the living, and a curse of eternal life. One would have thought he was telling stories meant to frighten children. Considering what we had witnessed, though, even I was forced to admit his account could not be easily dismissed.<br />
<br />
It was loyal Hephaestion who, later in my tent, first put breath to the opportunity that lay before us. If we could capture one of these man-devils, perhaps we could wrest its secrets, secrets that we could then utilize ourselves. It was a tempting proposition – to live forever with my friends by my side. As mere mortals we were nigh unstoppable, but here was a chance to become gods amongst men. There would be nothing that could stand in our way.<br />
<br />
Sadly, my troops were too frightened to continue, shaken as they had never before been. Word had spread among them. Tired from our endless campaigns and terrified by something new and previously unknown, they threatened to revolt. <br />
<br />
So it was that I ordered us to turn west. My plan was to regroup, send for fresh soldiers, and study whatever legends I could find about these creatures. Then I would return. These man-beasts were simply another foe to be conquered, nothing more. Once defeated, their secrets would be mine to do with as I saw fit.<br />
<br />
Little did I realize both how wrong and how right I was. <br />
<br />
Unbeknownst to me, the creatures who served the Nanda followed us in our retreat. Their king, Dhana Nanda, surmised that I would return in force. I have little doubt he realized that he had the means at his disposal to not only avoid the fate of all who'd stood against me, but to bring about the downfall of the greatest conqueror the world had ever known. I was a prize too tempting to ignore.<br />
<br />
For all the hatred I have felt for him in the years since, I cannot deny he was a man of ambition. <br />
<br />
Poor Hephaestion was the first to fall. They came for him at night, easily slipping through our defenses. That first morning, I thought him merely ill. But each day he grew paler and weaker than the morning prior until finally he awoke no more. His servants found him drained, a mere husk. <br />
<br />
In my grief over his loss, I did not consider what this meant. <br />
<br />
His death haunted me for months, stalling my grandiose plans. It was only in my wine cup that I found true solace. Finally, when I was at my lowest, they came for me ... each night taking more as I slept in a drunken stupor, until at last I lay at death's door. <br />
<br />
Unlike my friend, however, I was not allowed to die. <br />
<br />
No. A much crueler fate was chosen for me.<br />
<br />
My body stolen, I was compelled to be a mere slave upon my awakening. For months, my new masters laughed as they brought me word of my crumbling legacy: Perdiccas's cruelty, Cassander's betrayal, the death of my mother, my wives, and the son I never knew. <br />
<br />
All of it done to humiliate me, make me realize how truly helpless and alone I was – to make me aware of how far I had fallen.<br />
<br />
For decades I was nothing to them but a former king reduced to being little better than a dog.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
* * *</div>
<br />
I took a moment to consider the years since, then smiled as I turned and viewed the opulence around me. <br />
<br />
Despite everything, all that they did to me, I survived where my so-called masters did not. <br />
<br />
They'd underestimated the will of Alexander. They thought time would make me humble, force me to accept my lot, cause me to forget my destiny.<br />
<br />
They were wrong.<br />
<br />
My time in the shadows taught me patience. I gathered my strength, laid my tormentors low one at a time, and began to slowly claw my way back to my rightful place.<br />
<br />
And now, finally, I am on the brink of recapturing not only that which was once mine, but so much more. <br />
<br />
I considered my conversation with Yehoshua. There are those who will look at what I am about to do as a sign of weakness, that I am once again putting myself in a position to be struck down from the height of my rule. But they will learn how wrong they are. <br />
<br />
I am Alexander. History speaks of me as a great leader, a conqueror. However, I have also learned from that history and this time I shall not repeat my mistakes.<br />
<br />
I have no one left to mourn. No tragedy to distract me. Any weakness others perceive is but an illusion. This time there shall be no retreat. Not now, or ever again.<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
The Road To Armageddon:<br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2016/12/the-road-to-armageddon-christy.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>CHRISTY</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2016/12/the-road-to-armageddon-gan.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>GAN</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2016/12/the-road-to-armageddon-ed.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>ED</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2017/01/the-road-to-armageddon-james.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>JAMES</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2017/01/the-road-to-armageddon-colin.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>COLIN</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2017/02/the-road-to-armageddon-alex.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>ALEX</b></span></a><br />
<br />
The Last Coven. Available for pre-order now from:<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01N9VVE9D/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B01N9VVE9D&linkCode=as2&tag=thepoptmani-20&linkId=883d78d510cc1e080bb52f7f692f4a61"><img alt="amazon" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-78" src="http://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/kindle-button.jpg" /></a> <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B01N9VVE9D/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1634&creative=6738&creativeASIN=B01N9VVE9D&linkCode=as2&tag=rickgual-21"><img alt="amazon UK" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-78" src="http://rickgualtieri.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/kindle-uk-button.jpg" /></a>Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-17039967684954448212017-01-19T09:14:00.000-05:002017-02-08T09:32:04.849-05:00The Road To Armageddon - Colin<span style="color: #990000;"><b>The Last Coven</b></span>
- The Tome of Bill 8 - is coming <b>FEB 10</b> to all major ebook platforms. It's the end of this crazy road, so
to speak. To help celebrate this grand finale, I'll be posting short
stories detailing snippets from the lives of various characters from
series. We've heard from Bill, Sally, and Sheila. Now it's time to get
inside the head of some of the others, and let them take center stage
for a few moments.<br />
<br />
<i>-The below story takes place immediately following past events chronicled in Sunset Strip </i><br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UJ9DVP46EO0/WH_V9EdL7dI/AAAAAAAACDw/PL7vxd1u1C8gSVdiBMydlRsztSxqyEArACLcB/s1600/colin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UJ9DVP46EO0/WH_V9EdL7dI/AAAAAAAACDw/PL7vxd1u1C8gSVdiBMydlRsztSxqyEArACLcB/s320/colin.jpg" width="234" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>This is my smug look</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>COLIN</b></span></span><br />
<br />
<i><b>1979</b></i><br />
<i>"Now now, none of that, Lucinda. This is an imported shirt. Italian silk. Blood simply won't come out of it. I'm sure you can understand."</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"I don't understand any of this!" she mewled.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"That's regrettable. You had such potential once upon a time. Now ... well, look how far you've fallen..."</i><br />
<br />
The memory from earlier this evening was a bitter pill to swallow. Oh, I'd managed to salvage the unfortunate debacle as best I could, never once losing control of either my temper or the situation. But then, it was what I did, what I excelled at. <br />
<br />
Nevertheless, I very much disliked being wrong. Two centuries of scouting for hopefuls for the prefectures of this country and I could count on one hand the number of times I'd misjudged a potential candidate. <br />
<br />
I wasn't particularly worried about any backlash from the Wanderer, even regarding the unexpected restitution we would be forced to pay Marlene. No. That was simply not his style. Though I couldn't claim to be entirely enamored of his leadership, even I had to admit there was a certain logic to be had in his methods. Though others of his rank were more than willing to indulge in petty punishments for even the slightest failure, it often served little more than to gratify their egos while wasting everyone else's time.<br />
<br />
Speaking of which, it was time for me to report in on the results of this evening's foray. I was quite certain the Wanderer would not bat an eye if I chose to hold off until the next day, but I prided myself on maintaining a tight schedule even in the face of failure, no matter how minor they might be.<br />
<br />
I spied an unoccupied payphone. That would do nicely. Though I typically preferred to go straight back to my hotel room, where I could properly catalog the evening's thoughts in my notebook, I favored the dry air of this climate. It was so much more preferable than either of the coastlines. Alas, therein lay the conundrum. If one wanted to get ahead in a position such as mine, one needed to look to either Boston or Santa Clara. Yes, there was Excelsior Springs too, but I would have sooner insulted the First Coven to their faces than relocate to Kansas. <br />
<br />
I proceeded to wipe down the receiver with a clean handkerchief then dropped a dime into the slot so as to dial James's direct line. He'd recently returned from an extended trip in the Amazon basin bringing along with him several trinkets of purported historical value. A waste of time if you asked me, but he seemed to enjoy his silly hobbies. As such, I knew it was likely he'd be sequestered away in his office cataloging them. <br />
<br />
The line connected and began to ring. "Two," I said quietly to myself.<br />
<br />
As expected, he answered on the second ring. It was useful to be aware of the habits of one's employers.<br />
<br />
"Hello?"<br />
<br />
"May the glory of the First smile eternally upon thee, Wanderer."<br />
<br />
"Ah, Colin. Good evening to you," he replied, sounding in an upbeat mood. "You do know a simple hello will suffice, yes? We need not be slaves to the more tiresome aspects of protocol, especially when it is just the two of us." <br />
<br />
"As you wish, Wanderer," I replied. Had he been any other, I would have assumed his <i>advice</i> was an order and followed it to the letter. But I knew that wouldn't be the case with him. As such, I would feel free to ignore it and continue utilizing proper protocol the next time we conversed.<br />
<br />
"So how goes it out there? I do hope Jeffrey has not been causing any problems."<br />
<br />
"Nothing that I wasn't able to smooth over."<br />
<br />
He groaned softly on the other end. "Marlene and her rules. You did warn him, did you not?"<br />
<br />
"Copiously," I replied. However, even at the time I was well aware that my words would not be heeded. That one was going to prove problematic. My only solace in him succeeding Quentin as master of Greenwich Coven was knowing that there was little chance of him ever obtaining a position in Boston. James respected the rules of intra-coven combat, but it was doubtful even he could stomach a lout like Jeffrey for more than moments at a time.<br />
<br />
"How bad?" <br />
<br />
"Two turned, two dead. All of them earners. She is, of course, demanding proper compensation."<br />
<br />
James sighed into the receiver. "I imagine we'll be hearing about that for some time to come. Alas, regrettable, but I trust our budget can swing it."<br />
<br />
"I will be sure to hand her a cashier's check before I leave."<br />
<br />
"Good man. Those who were turned, what of them?"<br />
<br />
I covered the receiver with my hand so as to mask the deep breath of annoyance I took. "One was the potential I'd been scouting."<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-py6y1w8sBIM/WDxFaAxnsLI/AAAAAAAAB_Q/TbZdQcacWLoJyP4HHd3_eOPnUrQNayMFACPcB/s1600/thelastcoven3-draft-sm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-py6y1w8sBIM/WDxFaAxnsLI/AAAAAAAAB_Q/TbZdQcacWLoJyP4HHd3_eOPnUrQNayMFACPcB/s320/thelastcoven3-draft-sm.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
"Oh. Did they survive?"<br />
<br />
"Yes."<br />
<br />
"Excellent. Shall I reserve a spot on our staff for..."<br />
<br />
"That will not be necessary." I stopped and silently cursed myself for cutting him off. That was uncalled for on my end. I knew he wouldn't care, but I did. "My apologies, Wanderer."<br />
<br />
"What happened?"<br />
<br />
"Considering the circumstances I found the subject in and the subsequent actions undertaken on their part, I am electing to write this one off. Jeffrey has agreed to absorb her as well as the other recruit into his coven."<br />
<br />
"I'm sorry to hear it. You've been grooming this one for a while now, haven't you?"<br />
<br />
"Over a decade."<br />
<br />
"That is unfortunate. What is her name? Perhaps in the future we could consider revisiting her file."<br />
<br />
"Shall I consider that an order?"<br />
<br />
"Of course not, my friend. Your methods are sound. They have served us well. I was simply thinking..."<br />
<br />
"Then I shall politely decline," I replied, again cutting him off. I needed to check myself with that. It was a poor habit to develop with one's superiors. "I make it a point to never revisit a failed prospect. I shall instead move on to the next potential."<br />
<br />
"Very well. I will trust your judgement. And this next individual?"<br />
<br />
"He should be ready to revisit in another five years or so."<br />
<br />
"Noted," he said. "Although, I dare say that gives us plenty of time to prepare their desk."<br />
<br />
I knew he would take it in stride, but that didn't make the sting of my failure feel any less painful. Lucinda had been such a promising candidate. Intellectually, she was more than a match for the standards I'd set for recruitment. She had blossomed quite admirably in a physical manner too. Such a combination could have made her a formidable force in time.<br />
<br />
Sadly, she was a textbook example of how nurture could win out over nature. Some were able to overcome the obstacles thrown in their path, while others were crushed as surely as a dog trying to cross a busy street.<br />
<br />
What irked me most, however, is that I saw it coming. I'd known her father, Roger, would be potentially problematic, small minded that he was. I'd even briefly considered arranging for an accident so as to remove him from the equation. In the end, though, I'd decided to respect my methodology rather than my instincts. Such a pity. She could have been so much more than she was.<br />
<br />
"So tell me, my friend," James continued, "are you coming back right away or will you be taking in a few nights on the West Coast."<br />
<br />
"My mission here is finished, Wanderer. My place is by your..."<br />
<br />
"Nonsense. You do nothing but work. Take some time off. Enjoy yourself. I'm sure your sister would be pleased to see you. Trust me, Boston will still be here when you return, as much as I'm sure you don't believe that." James chuckled at his own joke.<br />
<br />
"If it is all the same to you, there is much to be done..."<br />
<br />
"You're going to make me order you, aren't you?" His laugh turned to a sigh. "I swear, if only everyone had your work ethic, Colin. But you know what they say about all work and no play."<br />
<br />
"A crude colloquialism."<br />
<br />
"But apt," he was quick to reply. Apparently the matter was settled in his opinion. "Do send Yvonne my regards if you get out that way."<br />
<br />
I gritted my teeth at the mention of my sister's name, but forced my voice to remain neutral. "As you command, Wanderer."<br />
<br />
The call ended and it was all I could do to keep my temper in check. My younger sister had, up until this century, been in my shadow – rightfully so if one were to ask me. Yet she now reigned as Prefect, while I continued to serve. It was a position that would have been mine had I not decided that opportunities on the East Coast looked more promising. <br />
<br />
For three years, it appeared as if I'd made the right choice as the First Coven looked upon Boston as the jewel in the crown of North America.<br />
<br />
Then came the Earthquake of 1906 and the unfortunate turnover at the top of Santa Clara's ranks. <br />
<br />
Now, she ruled over her domain, while I continued to be a mere subordinate, seeking out suitable candidates for recruitment ... and being forced to tolerate the times when all of my hard work was for naught. <br />
<br />
The cheap plastic of the receiver cracked in my hand and I forced myself to calm down.<br />
<br />
"Hey, you looking for a good time?"<br />
<br />
"Huh?" I turned toward the source of the question to find a blonde-haired woman addressing me. From the short cut of her skirt, the over application of makeup, and false smile pasted across her face, it was easy to discern she was a human whore, one of the many who scurried to eek out a pathetic existence in this town. <br />
<br />
I was about to tell her to begone when I looked closer. Though it was superficial at best, she possessed a slight resemblance to Lucinda. <br />
<br />
My annoyance at her failure to meet my standards, coupled with the anger at my enforced vacation came to a head and I forced a grin upon my face. <br />
<br />
Although I didn't often give in to my base desires, it was healthy to let loose once in a rare while. Besides which, blood had already been spilled in this city by our kind this past day. Already the authorities would be scrambling to clean up Marlene's mess. What was one more broken body on an already existing pile?<br />
<br />
Tomorrow I would board a flight to visit my dear sister and then I would return home, ever the dutiful employee. <br />
<br />
The Wanderer would not hold his position forever. Eventually, one of his many journeys would end badly or he would simply be promoted. And then, finally, I would obtain that which I had earned and never again would I need dirty my hands with disappointments such as she.<br />
<br />
I allowed myself the ghost of a smile. My time would come. Of that, I had no doubt.<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
The Road To Armageddon:<br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2016/12/the-road-to-armageddon-christy.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>CHRISTY</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2016/12/the-road-to-armageddon-gan.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>GAN</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2016/12/the-road-to-armageddon-ed.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>ED</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2017/01/the-road-to-armageddon-james.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>JAMES</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2017/01/the-road-to-armageddon-colin.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>COLIN</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2017/02/the-road-to-armageddon-alex.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>ALEX</b></span></a>Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-21639033709048676132017-01-07T11:23:00.000-05:002017-02-08T09:31:53.552-05:00The Road To Armageddon - James<span style="color: #990000;"><b>The Last Coven</b></span>
- The Tome of Bill 8 - is coming <b>FEB 10</b> to all major ebook platforms. It's the end of this crazy road, so
to speak. To help celebrate this grand finale, I'll be posting short
stories detailing snippets from the lives of various characters from
series. We've heard from Bill, Sally, and Sheila. Now it's time to get
inside the head of some of the others, and let them take center stage
for a few moments.<br />
<br />
<i>-The below story takes place approximately 730 years before Bill The Vampire. </i><br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zxboFup-7GM/WHANQHn2RYI/AAAAAAAACDY/PHKgv4ieRAkvMx5NgMcGCcITc5obOa8rgCLcB/s1600/james.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zxboFup-7GM/WHANQHn2RYI/AAAAAAAACDY/PHKgv4ieRAkvMx5NgMcGCcITc5obOa8rgCLcB/s320/james.jpg" width="237" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shown Here in Non-Period Clothing</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>JAMES (The Wanderer)</b></span></span><br />
<br />
"Enough, Giacomo! You have been given a task to do, so do it. No more of this nonsense. People are starting to talk and not in a kind way."<br />
<br />
"Yes, Niccolò," I replied. "I understand my duties, but this..."<br />
<br />
He clapped a hand on my arm and sighed. After a moment, the crossness on his face disappeared and was replaced with something else ... understanding. "This is not the grand adventure you were hoping for?"<br />
<br />
"How did you know?"<br />
<br />
Niccolò laughed and took a seat next to me. "You think I wasn't young and eager once like you? How do you think I came to this place the first time?"<br />
<br />
He didn't need to remind me. His earlier journey was the reason I was here. Where my sisters were content with their suitors in Venice, he'd inspired me, ignited a desire to see this great wide world. Listening to the stories of his first voyage had convinced me to throw away my apprenticeship. Upon hearing his intention to set out again, I'd begged for them to take me.<br />
<br />
"Your father was every bit the brother to me that Maffeo is, you know that, don't you?" he continued. "It is why I agreed to allow you to accompany us. But you must understand, there is a purpose to our travels. One cannot simply wander the world aimlessly and hope to get far."<br />
<br />
"Yes, I understand," I replied. "But eight years and we are little more than prisoners to the Khagan."<br />
<br />
"You know that is not true."<br />
<br />
"Some days I'm not so certain. I want to see the expanse of his empire, not help manage the books for that godless dog of his."<br />
<br />
Niccolò's visage grew stern at my words. "You would do well to mind your tongue, boy. Ahmad holds great influence in the Khagan's court and he is not as forgiving as our host. It would be unwise to make an enemy of him."<br />
<br />
After a moment, I nodded. He was right, of course. Despite our station here, we were outsiders far from home. Should fortune turn against us, we would have no one but ourselves to count on. <br />
<br />
I glanced at the finery of my room, feeling somewhat foolish in my complaints. Surely, there were men who would stone their own mothers for but one night in a place such as this. Regardless, no matter how gilded the cage, it still felt like a cage. "Perhaps I could ask Marco if he would..."<br />
<br />
"Marco may have the Khagan's ear, but it is not to be filled with the foolishness you speak of."<br />
<br />
A wiser man would have bitten his tongue and agreed, but I couldn't. "But they say he has a dragon. I only wish to know if that is..."<br />
<br />
"I said that is enough, Giacomo." Niccolò shook his head and stood up. "Open your eyes, boy. If one were to believe every tale told to them by a wide-eyed servant girl, then one would think the Khagan himself has eight arms and shoots lightning from his cock."<br />
<br />
I couldn't help but grin at the imagery. "How do you know it was a girl who told me this?"<br />
<br />
He crossed his arms and laughed. "I may be getting old, but I am not yet blind."<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
* * *</div>
<br />
The days seemed to meld together as I helped calculate the discrepancy in taxes owed versus those paid from the Huguang province. I knew the Khagan's empire was not endless, but one would not guess that from the number of books to be maintained. I had left my home, journeyed thousands of miles, seen such marvelous sights along the way, and for what? To end up with the very tedium I had run from. Exotic as this land might seem to outsiders, behind it all was the same dull monotony.<br />
<br />
More and more my thoughts turned to the tales I'd been told. Niccolò was not incorrect. It had all started with a girl I'd fancied for my bed. One night, she'd regaled me with tales of monsters and demons as I drifted off to sleep. Had it been she alone who said such things, I would have easily dismissed it. However, the longer I listened, the more I noticed others speaking of such things as well. It was mostly in hushed whispers and usually only after much wine, but what struck me was they all said the same thing. They spoke of how Kublai's armies and vast wealth were only part of his power. According to the tales, the official history of how he had laid low his brother's insurrection some years back was only the partial truth. In reality, he had done so with assistance ... assistance, they claimed, which had come in the form of a dark power.<br />
<br />
I was no child. I did not believe in ghost stories or magic, but I was also not foolish enough to believe I had seen all this world had to offer. As fantastic as the stories were, they ignited something deep inside of me. If there was even a chance such things could exist, I had to know. Who cared if my entreaties were dismissed with a laugh? As emissaries from far away was it not our job to at least ask?<br />
<br />
But Niccolò seemed intent that we not embarrass ourselves with such folly. He wished me to stay my tongue. Do not get me wrong, I understood his concern. By staying within the Khagan's good graces, we stood to return home as very rich men ... assuming we were ever allowed to return home. <br />
<br />
However, I was no longer sure I even wanted to. The three long years it took to reach this place were the most terrifying of my life, but also the most exciting. It had taught me that I wanted to see more in the short time I was allotted on this world. I...<br />
<br />
A noise from behind interrupted my thoughts. Assuming it was one of Ahmad's ministers coming to check on my progress, I quickly resumed my place cataloging taxes. Niccolò was right about another thing too. I didn't want to end up on Ahmad's bad side.<br />
<br />
Whoever had entered walked up behind me and stood there for several long seconds before loudly clearing their throat. It seemed they were intent upon getting my attention. I turned, prepared to let them know they were disturbing my work, when the words died in my throat.<br />
<br />
It was Kublai, the Khagan himself, who stood before me. Though I had seen him in person on other occasions, it had always been at feasts and other such state functions. Unlike my benefactors, I had never held a private audience with him. I had never even dared to ask, assuming it would not be granted. <br />
<br />
Another moment passed before I realized that, in my amazement, I was staring one of the most powerful men in the world straight in the eye. Not wishing to offend the ruler of these lands, I quickly averted my gaze and dropped to my knees before him. <br />
<br />
I struggled for a moment with the words. In my nervousness, I almost addressed him in my native tongue before catching myself. "Great Khagan, you honor me," I said at last, the words feeling inelegant coming from my mouth. <br />
<br />
I knew enough of his people's language to converse, but was used to the presence of translators when dealing with those of rank, so as to avoid even the potential for insult. Daring a quick look from my prone position, though, I saw no such were present. The Khagan was alone.<br />
<br />
"On your feet," he said dismissively, his tone far from formal.<br />
<br />
I stood hesitantly, not knowing what to expect. Had he purposely sought me out or was this merely a chance encounter? From the lack of guards present, it suggested the latter. Perhaps the Khagan had been merely wandering his grounds, come across me, and was curious as to what I was doing.<br />
<br />
He looked me over once, then said, "My master wishes to meet you."<br />
<br />
Almost immediately I rued the lack of a translator. Surely my poor mastery of his language was going to lead to offense as I was certain I'd heard him wrong. <br />
<br />
"I am your humble servant, my lord."<br />
<br />
"Word has reached my master of your questions."<br />
<br />
Again, I must have misunderstood him. Damn my eyes! Too busy looking toward the next hill when I should have been studying the one I was already standing upon.<br />
<br />
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"Which questions do you speak of, great Khagan?" With some dread, I realized I most likely already knew. Niccolò had warned me, but I hadn't listened. I'd been so caught up in the potential wonders of this land, that I hadn't stopped to realize what a fool I must have been making of myself.<br />
<br />
Kublai grinned as if he found my nervousness amusing. I suppose he had that luxury. Nobody was going to behead <i>him</i> if he accidentally said the wrong thing.<br />
<br />
"You have been asking questions about the other world."<br />
<br />
There was no doubt that my poor grasp of his tongue was to be my undoing. "Other world?" I asked tentatively.<br />
<br />
"They say you wish to be told of dragons. Is this not true?"<br />
<br />
"I meant no offense, great..."<br />
<br />
"Enough! Are you a prisoner groveling for mercy before my throne?"<br />
<br />
"Um ... no, great Khagan." I hoped that wasn't about to change.<br />
<br />
"Then speak as a man." Despite his tone, though, the grin never left his face. <br />
<br />
I debated for a moment what to say next. This was my chance, the one I had been hoping for. If such things as I'd heard were true, then here was the man who could confirm it. But if not, then I risked being made a laughing stock. For all he had done for me, I would be embarrassing Niccolò with my foolishness, perhaps jeopardizing the position he had obtained for me. <br />
<br />
Damn it all, though. We had traveled so far, survived so much. After all of that, could I truly choose to be timid?<br />
<br />
No. I could not. I said a silent apology to Niccolò as I replied, "My apologies ... err ... yes. I have asked. I wish to know if the rumors are true. Do you truly have a dragon?"<br />
<br />
Kublai studied me for a moment before answering, although whether his gaze held approval or not, I couldn't tell. "I do not."<br />
<br />
So, it was a laughing stock I was to be then. "I offer my deepest..."<br />
<br />
"The beast in question belongs to my master."<br />
<br />
What?! It was true? But the rest? Certainly there was some inflection I was getting wrong.<br />
<br />
"Forgive me, mighty Khagan, but my knowledge of your tongue is woefully inadequate. I have surely heard wrong as I know you serve no master."<br />
<br />
At this, he laughed. When he was done, he clapped me on the shoulder as if we were old friends. "You know, do you? Your knowledge is indeed inadequate, albeit not of my tongue." He must have seen the confusion which filled my face for he continued. "I have sought emissaries from your lands so that I might know more of your people, your God, the goods you have to trade. So too does my master seek such an emissary ... one who has wandered afar. The others fulfill my needs, but, of them, you alone have dared to question the world around you. I am here to tell you that all you have heard is true."<br />
<br />
"It is?"<br />
<br />
"Yes, and it is only the very tip of the spear."<br />
<br />
My eyes opened wide at this revelation. "There's more?"<br />
<br />
He nodded. "So much more, more than even I know ... or wish to know."<br />
<br />
I wasn't certain I understood that last part, but I didn't care. Excitement filled my very being at the prospect of what he was saying. It was entirely possible this was some joke on his part, but I was willing to risk it. "I wish to ... know it all, that is."<br />
<br />
Rather than laughing at me, though, he smiled. "Very well, but the first lesson you must learn is that there is a price."<br />
<br />
"A price?"<br />
<br />
"Once you accept what my master has to offer, you can never turn back. There is only forward. Your life as you know it will be over, but what awaits you..." He spread his arms wide as if to emphasize a greater whole.<br />
<br />
My life as I knew it? I glanced back at the papers upon my desk, the endless numbers written in the journals. Those would not be missed. As for my family back home, the Khagan had shown little interest in letting us leave these past few years. I did not see any sign that he would change his mind. Was this choice any different?<br />
<br />
As for what was being offered, I wanted ... no, <i>needed</i> to find out. I repeated my words. "I wish to know."<br />
<br />
He nodded once, then turned away. "Come."<br />
<br />
"Where?"<br />
<br />
"To Karakorum, the place of power."<br />
<br />
"But Shangdu..."<br />
<br />
"Is where I sit, but not where <i>he</i> sits."<br />
<br />
"He?" I asked following.<br />
<br />
"Yes. It is time you met my uncle."<br />
<hr />
<br />
The Road To Armageddon:<br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2016/12/the-road-to-armageddon-christy.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>CHRISTY</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2016/12/the-road-to-armageddon-gan.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>GAN</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2016/12/the-road-to-armageddon-ed.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>ED</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2017/01/the-road-to-armageddon-james.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>JAMES</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2017/01/the-road-to-armageddon-colin.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>COLIN</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2017/02/the-road-to-armageddon-alex.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>ALEX</b></span></a>Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-40984741980623349932016-12-30T10:32:00.000-05:002017-02-08T09:31:43.926-05:00The Road To Armageddon - Ed<span style="color: #990000;"><b>The Last Coven</b></span> - The Tome of Bill 8 - is coming <b>FEB 10</b> to all major ebook platforms. It's the end of this crazy road, so
to speak. To help celebrate this grand finale, I'll be posting short
stories detailing snippets from the lives of various characters from
series. We've heard from Bill, Sally, and Sheila. Now it's time to get
inside the head of some of the others, and let them take center stage
for a few moments.<br />
<br />
<i>-The below story takes place immediately following the events of The Wicked Dead. </i><br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's hard to be surrounded by idiots</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>ED</b></span></span><br />
<br />
I so fucking hated playing the damsel in distress. Yet, somehow, that seemed to be the card I'd drawn as of late. Shit, I mean in the last day alone I'd been adopted by Sasquatches, kidnapped by a guy who looked like the second place winner in a Glenn Danzig lookalike contest, and now I was being carried like a ragdoll by Bill's fucking dungeon master of all people.<br />
<br />
Talk about adding insult to injury.<br />
<br />
Still, maybe I shouldn't complain. After all, I was alive. That's more than I could say about a lot of people. Hell, I couldn't even say for sure my friends survived, being that the roof of a fucking cavern had been dropped on top of them. <br />
<br />
No. That was the wrong attitude to take. <br />
<br />
Say what you will about my friends, but damn if they weren't survivors ... amazing as that might be at times. Besides, I had to hold out hope. From the look of things, it was all I had ... aside from the company of rock monsters, compelled vampires, and some psycho chick who, up until a short while ago, I'd assumed was no more than a middle manager in the vamp hierarchy.<br />
<br />
"I can walk you know."<br />
<br />
Dave gave no response, continuing to march forward like a mindless android. I let out a sigh. It wasn't his fault he was currently enslaved. Sure, he was an abrasive ass, but I doubted he'd willfully ever fall in line with this lot.<br />
<br />
I couldn't see much from my vantage point, slung over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes. Go figure, I was apparently the only one in this traveling freak show without night vision. The only illumination in the tunnel came from the glowing eyes of the Jahabich marching with us and it wasn't much. I could barely make out the walls on either side of us, much less how far back our procession stretched. <br />
<br />
Where my eyes failed, however, my ears did not. I could tell there were a lot of us - not from the witty banter going on, mind you, but from the footfalls of many feet marching along. Amazingly enough, it wasn't so much the company that creeped me out, nor the fact that I was being kidnapped again for whatever the fuck reason. It was the silence. My voice had been the first since we'd started this trek through the bowels of the Earth.<br />
<br />
Other than footsteps there had been nothing except ... hold on. I had to go and think that, didn't I? No sooner had I rued the silence than came a low rumble from somewhere behind us. I was no spelunker, but that sure as shit sounded like something collapsing. <br />
<br />
"Um, you might want to walk faster, man," I said from over Dave's shoulder. <br />
<br />
Again, no response. I looked around at the vacant eyes of the vampires who'd been unlucky enough to have been ensnared, hoping to see a glimmer of ... anything really. But they might as well have been mannequins from the uncanny valley looks on their faces.<br />
<br />
"I don't suppose it's any concern to you fuckers, but I'm pretty sure that's a cave-in we're hearing."<br />
<br />
"Of course it is, child," an unconcerned female voice replied from somewhere up ahead. "Who do you think ordered the tunnel to be collapsed behind us?"<br />
<br />
I guess that made sense. Would keep us from being followed. Speaking of behinds, though...<br />
<br />
"As much as I appreciate you talking to my asshole, it's kind of hard to carry on a meaningful conversation this way."<br />
<br />
Before I could say anything further, Dave bent down and deposited me onto my feet - where I was almost immediately bowled over. The procession as a whole didn't bother to stop moving, forcing me to quickly match pace or be trampled. <br />
<br />
I spared a quick glance at his slack-jawed face. "Thanks for nothing, asshole."<br />
<br />
The tunnel lit up ahead and I turned to see the source. Unsurprisingly, it was the woman in the white dress who'd recently kicked everyone's asses upstairs ... Calibra. A small orb of glowing energy floated next to her.<br />
<br />
"My concession to your frail mortal eyes."<br />
<br />
"You're too kind."<br />
<br />
She was leading the way ... somewhere. The light cast by her magic trick didn't illuminate much, just enough for me to keep from tripping over my own feet. <br />
<br />
Unless I decided to take my chances at being a human gopher, there wasn't much I could do but bide my time and hope for a chance to run later. Where to? I had no idea. Hopefully a plan would present itself. Until then...<br />
<br />
I caught up to Calibra, being she was both holding the flashlight and seemed the lone other person in the group whose tongue the cat hadn't gotten.<br />
<br />
"Hey. What's a nice guy like me doing in a shit-hole cave like this?"<br />
<br />
"I see you're a flippant one, like your friend the Freewill," she replied, still facing forward. "Tis a sign of this age, I suppose. Once upon a time, men knew their place when among their betters."<br />
<br />
"Ah, I see. I'll be sure to add m'lady when I tell you to go fuck yourself."<br />
<br />
"You dare?!" a different voice snarled from somewhere behind us.<br />
<br />
I spun to see one of the vamps from Bill's coven pushing her way through the crowd … the hot redhead who seemed to put out for everyone but him. Mind you, she looked a bit less hot with her eyes blackened and her fangs bared. <br />
<br />
"There will be no need for that, Elizabeth."<br />
<br />
The redhead stopped dead in her tracks. I expected her to offer some sort of protest about not being allowed to play with her toys, but all she did was nod respectfully and fall back again. Wuss.<br />
<br />
"Got that one on a short leash, I see."<br />
<br />
"She knows her place," Calibra replied. "Something you might do well to consider."<br />
<br />
I decided to try my luck. After all, there was obviously a reason they'd taken me. "See, that's the thing. I don't think I need to."<br />
<br />
"Oh?" she asked, a bemused quality to her voice. That was fine. Amused was potentially a lot less painful for me than enraged. Still, it helped reinforce what I'd been thinking.<br />
<br />
"Yeah. I can't help but notice how everyone seems intent on using me as the trophy in a massive game of capture the flag. Translation for the ancient monsters in the room…"<br />
<br />
"I know what you mean," Calibra said. "Unlike some of my children, I have made it a point to stay abreast of current affairs."<br />
<br />
Oh. Well, that saved me the trouble of explaining the finer points of online gaming. "Good to know. Anyway, I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume it's not my charming personality that you're all after. <br />
<br />
"Your insight is truly fascinating."<br />
<br />
"Be that as it may, you need me for something. I don't know what that is, but since I'm still breathing I'm going to assume it's important to you."<br />
<br />
"Oh, it goes far beyond me, I can assure you, boy."<br />
<br />
She stopped short of telling me what that was, though, leading me to believe I wasn't going to get some super villain soliloquy outlining her evil plot. Nevertheless, she seemed to be in a conversing mood, which was a fuck-load better than a killing one. <br />
<br />
"Whatever it is, you have to know it's not going to work."<br />
<br />
"I assume you are speaking of your friend the Freewill. How do you even know he's still alive?"<br />
<br />
"Bill seems to have a guardian angel hanging over him, several probably, in the form of that big prophecy you all seem to like crowing about. Oh, and I'm not just talking about him. You didn't get to meet her up above, but trust me when I say a certain girl with a flaming white aura will probably be very eager to make your acquaintance."<br />
<br />
"The Icon and the Freewill?" she mused. <br />
<br />
"Yep. Despite what you might believe, they're working together, and don't doubt for a second they're going to come looking for me." I left out a silent I hope. No point in showing her that in actuality I was pretty close to shitting my pants.<br />
<br />
"And that's the best you've got to threaten me with?"<br />
<br />
"You're kidding, right?" I asked. "Need I remind you that those two are kind of a big deal in your world? Their big showdown during the end times and all that. Oh, and since I haven't heard anything in those prophecies about you, that tells me maybe you should be worried about still being around to see it."<br />
<br />
"I would remind you, child," she replied. "That the prophecies, and I can assure you I am far more intimately familiar with them than you are, also fail to mention you."<br />
<br />
"Why would they? Effervescent as my personality is, I'm not a player in this supernatural circle jerk."<br />
<br />
For the first time, she turned to look at me, her eyes gleaming in the dim light. "Oh, how wrong you are. You, my child, are the harbinger of a new age. Despite everything you've heard, your friends are the inconsequential ones. Freewills and Icons, their kind have come and gone before. Aberrations they may be, quirks of magic, but nothing more. Why, did you know that the very first Icon fell to my hands?" She shook her head dismissively. "Of course you wouldn't. But it's true. It was an amusing altercation, truth be told, an interesting diversion, but nothing more. Do not think your friends will be any different."<br />
<br />
I tried not to show it, but the utter confidence in her voice was causing a bit of a pit to form in my stomach. <br />
<br />
"You, on the other hand, are unique," she continued. "Nothing like you has ever appeared on the face of this world. Trust me, I have been looking."<br />
<br />
"I like to think I'm..."<br />
<br />
"I don't care what you think. Your wants and needs are irrelevant. You will foster a new beginning, but do not think that makes you its master. You are a pawn and will be used as such."<br />
<br />
"And if I refuse?" There. It had to be said. Mind you, I was alone and surrounded by a small army of beings of which I was physically the weakest. As far as bluffs went, it was pretty goddamned pathetic.<br />
<br />
"Is this supposed to be the part where I threaten the lives of your friends?"<br />
<br />
"You could, but there isn't anyone present I'm willing to take a bullet for."<br />
<br />
"Pity."<br />
<br />
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"Oh, so then we've reached an impasse?" That's me, the eternal optimist.<br />
<br />
"Hardly," she replied with a grin, eyeing me up and down.<br />
<br />
"What are you doing?"<br />
<br />
"What is the colloquialism? Ah, yes. I am ... checking you out."<br />
<br />
What?! That was her gambit? I mean, sure, she was cute in a crazed sort of way, but seriously? "I'm flattered, really I am. But, unlike at least one of my other friends, I'm not about to sell out the world for a quick lay."<br />
<br />
She let out what sounded almost like a genuine laugh. I tried not to be insulted. "Oh, silly boy, that wasn't what I was looking at."<br />
<br />
"What then?"<br />
<br />
"Your arms and legs, of course. Limbs are an interesting evolutionary achievement. They allow us to walk, run, fight, build, all of the things that have allowed mankind to rise above the muck."<br />
<br />
"And?"<br />
<br />
"And," she replied, her eyes darkening, "they are entirely superfluous for the purpose for which you are here. You would suit my needs just as well as the equivalent of a human slug. And if you think I am in any way bluffing, I implore you to say another word to the contrary."<br />
<br />
In the last year I'd helped face down monsters for whom I wouldn't have hesitated to flip off at such an ultimatum. This time, however, I didn't get the vibe that there was any sway whatsoever to the threat laid out before me. <br />
<br />
I didn't consider myself a coward, but I'm not a fucking idiot either.<br />
<br />
Considering the alternative, I zipped my lips and fell into stride beside her. <br />
<br />
I had no idea what Calibra had planned for me, but at least for now I was alive and whole. I hoped to stay that way, but that didn't mean I wouldn't keep my eyes open for an opportunity. If one arose, I'd take it. And if not, I'd do what I could to muck things up for her while patiently waiting for my friends to come for me.<br />
<br />
Now to only hope they didn't take their sweet fucking time doing so. <br />
<hr />
<br />
The Road To Armageddon:<br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2016/12/the-road-to-armageddon-christy.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>CHRISTY</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2016/12/the-road-to-armageddon-gan.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>GAN</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2016/12/the-road-to-armageddon-ed.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>ED</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2017/01/the-road-to-armageddon-james.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>JAMES</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2017/01/the-road-to-armageddon-colin.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>COLIN</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2017/02/the-road-to-armageddon-alex.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>ALEX</b></span></a>Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-53996238572631470032016-12-22T09:49:00.001-05:002016-12-22T11:14:05.818-05:00Grinching the Christmas CookiesThey say there are two types of people in this world - those who are awesome enough to selflessly bake cookies to share with their friends, and then there are the assholes who contribute nothing to society but eating those cookies and casting baleful judgement upon them.<br />
<br />
This is a tale from the latter.<br />
<br />
Every year, my wife goes to a Christmas Cookie swap party, and every year I wait eagerly for the tribute she returns with. This year the bounty was plentiful. But I am an angry god and my judgement is harsh. Thus, I thought it fitting to be a total cock-nozzle and post my thoughts for your amusement.<br />
<br />
I didn't know what most of these were called, so rather than be industrious and look it up, I decided to give each it's own name based on appearance and/or taste.<br />
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Let the judgement begin!<br />
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<b>Dingleberry Chip</b> - You can tell when someone knows their chocolate chip cookies are good when they give absolutely no fucks to how they look. This cookie tells me "I am the baker of chocolaty goodness and you better well fucking know it. Here! Eat what I have shat out for you and enjoy it."<br />
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<b>Surprise Turd</b> - Normally, I'm neutral on rum balls, or things like them. But these motherfuckers throw you for a loop with a big chunk of caramel inside. It's like getting a lump of coal for Christmas, then dropping it to find a diamond in the center. So awesome.<br />
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<b>Satan's Twat Waffle</b> - In keeping with my fine tradition of being a piss-poor Italian, I can't stand Pizzelles. I don't know who first thought, "Gee, what the world needs are licorice flavored cookies", but I can tell you they had a soul as dark as the underside of the Devil's scrotum.<br />
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<b>Cavity Bar </b>- A cookie bar drowned in caramel. My teeth are rotting just thinking about this. If diabetic shock were given cookie form, this would be it. Damn good, but pretty sure more than one of these would have instantly kill most people.<br />
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<b>Petrified Man</b> - A basic gingerbread humanoid from the Paleozoic era. His kind were known for their sloping foreheads and hunter / gatherer lifestyle. Sadly, they were eventually wiped out by tastier cookies who had the evolutionary advantage of frosting. <br />
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<b>The Fuck?!</b> - A not-cookie, covered in caramel, chocolate, and what appears to be mercury shavings. My tongue wasn't upset upon eating this, don't get me wrong, but it was left very very confused. <br />
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<b>Intestinal Tract Diorama</b> - Nothing says Christmas Spirit quite like a sonogram of your innards in generic sugar cookie form. <br />
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<b>Nuts To That!</b> - A generic sugar wafer ruined by the addition of lots of crushed walnuts or whatever the fuck they are. Don't know, because I find nuts to be an abomination on the face of a cookie. Damn you to Hell, cookie nuts!!!! Still better than raisins, though.<br />
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Edit: I have been yelled at that these are actually mint chips, not nuts. Oops. Still looks like nuts to me, though. <br />
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<b>Snow Poop</b> - Covering a relatively tasteless ball of dough in powered sugar just leaves it a slightly more sweet tasteless ball of dough. Speaking of which...<br />
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<b>Blob of Dough</b> - No idea what this was or what it was supposed to taste like. Nearest I can tell, they ran out of time to actually bake these, just said "fuck it"and hoped nobody noticed.<br />
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<b>Who Ate Half The Fucking Chocolate?!</b> - Screw dipping your chocolate bar in my peanut butter. This is a linzer tart dipped in chocolate. A surprisingly kick-ass combination. And much Christmas cheer was had.<br />
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<b>Bizarro World Who Ate Half The Fucking Chocolate?!</b> - Pretty much the mirror universe version of the above, minus the linzer tart filling. Tasty, but lack of filling shall always equal a wee bit of heartbreak.<br />
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<b>Festive Snot Ball</b> - These kinda look like someone sneezed into a jar of sprinkles, but they were surprisingly good. Lemon cookies that simply do not give a shit what you think of their appearance. Peering into my wardrobe, they're kinda like me in cookie form.<br />
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<b>Chocolate Distraction</b> - I find that cookies with big lumps of chocolate in the middle of them are often there to hide the fact that the cookie itself is pretty meh. Oddly enough, I am seldom wrong in these matters. <br />
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<b>I'm a Tree, Damnit!</b> - Really I am! No, what you are is a pretty generic sugar cookie. Fortunately, generic sugar cookies are still more than fine in my book. Know that there shall always be a place in my stomach for Christmas Tree deformities.<br />
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<b>Rudolph The Red Nosed Spear-Tip</b> - Cute to look at, but pretty meh as far as eating goes. Problem with generic chocolate type cookies is that they really don't taste like much of anything. <br />
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<b>Goddamn It! We Ran Out of Sprinkles!</b> - I hope nobody notices. Sadly, yes I did. Although, I may keep a few of these around in case I need replacement googly eyes for my kids' stuffed animals.<br />
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<b>Did I Forget To Clean the Cat Box Again?</b> - It is said these cookies are deceivers. They murder men in the night. I know nothing. Don't be fooled by it's appearance. It is definitely no brownie. <br />
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<b>Spooge Wafer</b> - I imagine that this is what DVD covers look like when they're returned to the adult video store. It's like St. Nick decided to bake some cookies and then got overly jolly while doing so. I am forced to admit, though, his "icing" is pretty darn good. I can see why Mrs. Claus stays with him. <br />
<br />Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5164588272845310569.post-16027454588400171632016-12-14T09:40:00.001-05:002017-02-08T09:31:32.930-05:00The Road to Armageddon - Gan<span style="color: #990000;"><b>The Last Coven</b></span> - The Tome of Bill 8 - is coming <b>FEB 10</b> to all major ebook platforms. It's the end of this crazy road, so
to speak. To help celebrate this grand finale, I'll be posting short
stories detailing snippets from the lives of various characters from
series. We've heard from Bill, Sally, and Sheila. Now it's time to get
inside the head of some of the others, and let them take center stage
for a few moments.<br />
<br />
<i>-The below story takes place roughly halfway between Holier Than Thou and Sunset Strip. </i><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It has been too long, Beloved.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>GAN</b></span></span><br />
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"You are acting the part of the fool."<br />
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Silence descended in the room. Such disrespect would have never been uttered in the presence of my father. But then, considering the would-be usurper who sat upon his throne now - looking down upon me - I should have expected no better.<br />
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Predictable.<br />
<br />
I knew this was coming. It was only a matter of time.<br />
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All assembled were waiting to see how I would respond to this challenge. It was time to play my part. "What would you have me do, uncle?"<br />
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* * *</div>
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Arghun's stance bespoke of arrogance, of one who was certain of his station. For centuries, he sat at my father's side, advising him. He'd even served as a tutor to me in matters of state. Although, I would have to have been blind to not see, even then, that he felt such tasks beneath him.<br />
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All of that I could easily forgive. What I could not, though, was his belief that he and he alone was heir to title of Khan. <br />
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And yet he dared call me a fool.<br />
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My father had always been an outlier amongst the First Coven. Under him, our lands were ruled in the traditional manner of our great heritage, eschewing their methods. Fear has always been part of the equation of leadership, but others of our kind rely on it exclusively, ignoring loyalty and honor. So drunk are they with power, they don't see how weak it ultimately leaves them. <br />
<br />
I could see this same weakness in Arghun's eyes. He wished to lower us by conforming to their ideals. And why not? Such a thing would benefit him greatly. It was common practice among those who served the First that the strongest, the oldest, should lead. What they all failed to realize was that age simply turned one who was born a fool into little more than an older fool. <br />
<br />
Arghun was older than I. He was stronger, more experienced, and could compel more to his side. <br />
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What he did not see, though, was that this did not make him better. <br />
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* * *</div>
<br />
He leaned forward in my father's seat and tented his fingers, as if what he was about to say had not be rehearsed a hundred times. "I would have you call off this search for the Freewill, quit wasting resources that could be better spent elsewhere. I would have you admit that you still have a great deal to learn, child."<br />
<br />
I glanced over my shoulder at the spoils of war I had returned with. The gleaming skulls appeared to be smiling, as if laughing at the foolishness playing out before them. Fitting in a way. "The Children of Erlik might disagree, had they still tongues with which to speak. I have not wasted so many resources as to be unable to defend our borders."<br />
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"You think a single victory over our ancient foes means you are ready for the burden of leadership? What would have become of us had your rash offensive failed?"<br />
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"I would be spared this tiresome folly."<br />
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Arghun's face contorted in rage at my reply. That alone should have told him and all present that he was unfit to rule. All around us, my followers - servants and soldiers alike - stood in silent attention; unmoving, unblinking, refusing to allow their emotions to show through. Low as some of them might be, they were more worthy than he.<br />
<br />
"Your father would see you whipped for such insolence. Perhaps I should too."<br />
<br />
There it was, the challenge I'd been expecting. What my dear uncle failed to realize, though, was that he was too late. <br />
<br />
Had he openly expressed a desire to lead immediately following my father's death, perhaps he could have made a serious case for such. But this, waiting until I was away leading our troops in battle? It spoke of treachery. Even if he was able to persuade those who remained behind, a dubious proposition at best, he had to know that the soldiers I led to victory would not so easily flock to his side. They were men of action, warriors who knew of our grand history. <br />
<br />
I had seen these same men bristle at my father's inaction these many long years, ruling his lands from the shadows. However, the part he played in history as heir to the great Temüjin spoke for itself. None would have ever raised a hand against him. But with his passing, the time for sitting idle so too ended. It was a lesson Arghun had failed to learn.<br />
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I stepped forward, holding his gaze. "You are welcome to try."<br />
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* * *</div>
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Though the dictates of the First lacked wisdom, there was one tradition which even I would not dare deny - the right of ritual combat. Though I knew my men would have cut Arghun down where he sat, had I given even the slightest sign, that would not do. I had earned the loyalty of many who once followed my father, but it was not enough. I would not allow there to be any doubt among them.<br />
<br />
I only realized now, as loyal subjects and cattle alike spread out around us, forming a wide circle, that the room had already been cleared. They had been expecting this. That meant Arghun managed to convince himself he actually stood a chance. <br />
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Still, it would have been foolish of me to dismiss him entirely. He had long been trained in the art of war, as were all of my father's advisors. But, where he spent many a night by my father's side drinking wine and telling tales of past glory, I continually trained, honing myself. My father would have me do no less.<br />
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Perhaps he foresaw this day coming. <br />
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Arghun stepped forward and attempted to stare me down, no doubt hoping to win this battle before it had even begun. Feh! Hope was the bastion of fools. A true leader took what was theirs by divine right.<br />
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He smiled, thinking to intimidate me. "I could compel you to your knees."<br />
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"Perhaps," I replied. "Indeed, you could compel many of those present to their knees. But you cannot command them all. For those who remain standing, there shall be doubt. And where there is doubt, there will always be a hidden dagger waiting to slit your throat."<br />
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"Spoken like a true student of your father," he said with a curt nod of his head. "But a student is all you are. <br />
<br />
In a way he was right. But there always came a day when the student became the new master. Arghun did not realize it yet, but that day had come.<br />
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My silence was answer enough for him, though. Predictably, he broke eye contact fist, closing the distance between us with all the speed his age afforded him, unaware that he had already lost this battle.<br />
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Nevertheless, I would not underestimate him. Interestingly enough, for all I learned under my father's tutelage, that was a lesson that could not be attributed to him, at least not in a manner I could fully appreciate. No, that honor fell to my beloved. I had seen foes demean him, treat him with all the respect an elder would treat a youngling - all to their eventual detriment.<br />
<br />
True fools failed to realize that even the youngest of vipers still possessed venom.<br />
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<br />
Arghun's attack was sloppy, off balance. His form belied the fact that his knowledge had not been put to practical use in some time. I let him strike me regardless, wishing to know the mettle of my opponent. The blow itself was formidable, although, far less so than it could have been. <br />
<br />
Pathetic.<br />
<br />
I dutifully took a stagger step back, allowing him to think he had injured me - a small concession to him on my part. Arghun served my father faithfully for many years. Such service should not be so easily forgotten. I owed him an honorable death, one that would allow him to be remembered as a warrior. <br />
<br />
He quickly stepped in, hoping to press the advantage, but my respect had its limits and he had reached them. With one quick move, I sidestepped and delivered a blow of my own.<br />
<br />
His was sloppy, mine was not. <br />
<br />
Arghun fell to his knees, the base of his spine severed with one quick swipe of my claws. Though his death would be more honorable were I to draw this out, there would be little benefit to me. Ending this quickly would dissuade other pretenders to the throne. All present would accept me as the new Khan and know my rule was absolute. <br />
<br />
My opponent, however, was not quite finished yet. "<i><b>SURRENDER!! BOW BEFORE YOUR RIGHTFUL MASTER!!</b></i>"<br />
<br />
I had thought it best to not underestimate Arghun. As it were, I had done quite the opposite. I attributed to him enough honor to accept his fate with dignity. Instead, he wasted that with one last pathetic gambit to compel me into submission.<br />
<br />
For a moment, I felt my legs buckle beneath me, but I quickly steadied myself. The fool. His greater age afforded him the power, but my father had prepared me well. Decades of compulsion from him, building up my defenses, forcing me to develop the will to resist all but the most powerful of our kind. It all culminated in one final test – being left bound in the desert, sunrise only minutes away, compelled to lie there peacefully and accept my fate.<br />
<br />
I survived, stronger for the ordeal.<br />
<br />
Arghun would not, nor would any who dared challenge me. <br />
<hr />
<br />
The Road To Armageddon:<br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2016/12/the-road-to-armageddon-christy.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>CHRISTY</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2016/12/the-road-to-armageddon-gan.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>GAN</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2016/12/the-road-to-armageddon-ed.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>ED</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2017/01/the-road-to-armageddon-james.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>JAMES</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2017/01/the-road-to-armageddon-colin.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>COLIN</b></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.poptartmanifesto.com/2017/02/the-road-to-armageddon-alex.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>ALEX</b></span></a>Rick Ghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07703091917685458099noreply@blogger.com5