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May 3, 2013

To that person who left me the lousy review...

I just wanted to say that I will find you.  I will hunt you to the ends of the earth.  I will make you beg like a dog while I proceed to skin you alive in front of your family.  I will chew on your face like bubble gum while I strap a...

Oh wait, no I won't.

What I meant to say was thank you.  Thank you for giving my book a chance.  I very much appreciate it and I'm sorry that it didn't work out for whatever reason.  Nevertheless, I value your opinion and you can be sure that I take any and all critique seriously, even those I don't necessarily agree with.  Cheers to you and I hope your next read will be an enjoyable one.  Maybe one day we'll meet again in this not-so big world.  If so, perhaps my next endeavor will be more to your liking.

Confused yet?  Hopefully most of you aren't.

You see, I'm fairly (sometimes) rational, often self-deprecating, and generally at least try to pretend to act like a professional. I'm very proud of my novels, but they aren't my children.  Despising them isn't even remotely in the same league as running over my pets.  You may hate them with a fury that makes the sun seem like a snowball and I will respect that.  Should you point out a typo to me, I won't chew off your head.  Tell me my characters are flat, I won't invoke primal gods to strike you down.  Let me know my sense of humor is about as funny as a pack of starving orphans, I won't race to my Facebook page and demand that you be made to pay for your "crimes".

In short, I am an adult.  I don't promise to always act like one, but I will always at least try to not be that spoiled child who didn't get a pony for their birthday.

Happy reading to you all, and to a few of my fellow authors out there: lighten up.  They're just stories (mine most definitely included).  Give your family or friends a hug and remind yourself that real life isn't made of paper. There are far better reasons to get angry.

19 comments:

Greta said...

Lots of applause. You're absolutely right.

However...
I'm sure you don't appreciate the "review" written by somebody who hasn't read the book or who just thinks your rating is too high. Of course, we can't ever prove that assertion - so all we can do is let those slide off like the water on a duck's back.

Rick Gualtieri said...

There are always going to be those. Not much you can do except have faith that most people will disregard it too.

Matt said...

Well I've enjoyed the books, unfortunately Bill reminds me just a little too much of myself :)

That being said regarding the end of the book...Die you horrible bastard die (jk) but not until you finish the next book ;)

Rick Gualtieri said...

I was waiting for the death threats to come rolling in. ;)

ps: who's to say how I'll end the next one? Hah! My survival is guaranteed!

Janie Junebug said...

Sometimes people write stupid reviews for stupid reasons. You might get a bad review from a girl you dumped during ninth grade. Who knows?

Love,
Janie

Rick Gualtieri said...

That's highly unlikely, Janie. I didn't get a whole lot of dates in ninth grade. ;)

Jeff Gandy said...

Sir, may I just say, I absolutely LOVED Bill the Vampire. Once I finished the first one, I got the others back-to-back-to-back, and read them all over the course of two days. Now, I am very unhappy, as I am out of Bill, so to speak. Is there a 5 coming, and if so, when perhaps? If need be, I'm sure we can take up a collection and hire someone to lock you in a basement somewhere while you churn them out. :) Dude, seriously, please keep them coming. I await the next installment on pins and needles. Er....and....these pins and needles hurt, so hurry up. Thanks!

Jeff

Rick Gualtieri said...

Hey Jeff!

Glad to hear you're enjoying the series. There will definitely be a book 5. I do have some projects I need to finish first, but rest assured book 5 is on my radar.

Rick Gualtieri said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeff Gandy said...

Great! In the meantime, suggest another one of yours that I might enjoy, along the same lines, if you don't mind. Thanks!

Rick Gualtieri said...

Hmm, I tend to write cross genre so a lot of my other stuff isn't along the same lines.

Poptart Manifesto is comedy, but mostly true short stories,
Bigfoot hunters is horror
And Necromantic is...err...slightly risqué.

Yeah sometimess I focus and sometimes I just write what the 'voices' tell me too. :)

Fer Al said...

Rick,

I've enjoyed the Bill series so far. Being able to read them without checking all the nerdy quotes, games, hobbies etc probably labels me I guess. I felt the last couple were much better then the first two.

One thing - if we are meant to care for Sheila you might need to work on that harder. I could care less what happens to her. No interest at all.

So kill her off. All good. :]

John

Rick Gualtieri said...

Okay, one vote to ice the Icon it is. :)

Thanks John! Glad to you're enjoying the series

Steven Neal said...

Jesus Christ John you ruthless bastard! Dont listen to him Rick! He is jealous that he doesn't have woman parts!


Steve your 12th biggest fan :)

Marc Angeli said...

remember Rick, "you are always right"

Narcisse Navarre said...

Right on! This post made me smile, thank you.

Bobby Nash said...

Well said, sir. Well said.

Jim Reed said...

Rick, you have a unique story line with Bill the vampire and I look forward to each new book. I suggest that you not put too much weight on the comments of others as they only represent one of many. You are a great storyteller and your other offerings are great reads as well.
THANKS, Jim Reed

Rick Gualtieri said...

Hey Jim!

Thanks. Actually the above wasn't really directed at anything of mine. It was more in response to my having seen other authors completely lose their minds over reviews. :)