Books

As Rick Gualtieri:

	BILL THE VAMPIRE (The Tome of Bill, Part 1) There are reasons we fear the night. He isn't one of them. Bill Ryder was a dateless dweeb...then he died. Unfortunately for him that was just the beginning of his troubles. He awoke to find himself a vampire, one of the legendary predators of the night. Unfortunately for him, he was still at the bottom of the food chain. Now he finds himself surrounded by creatures stronger, deadlier and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst yet, they all want him dead...permanently this time. Bill isn't exactly average, though. A vampire like him hasn't been seen in centuries. He's got a few tricks up his sleeve, unlikely allies, and an attitude problem that makes him too damn obnoxious to quit. Join him in this hilarious tale of monsters, mayhem, and the unlikely hero who's not afraid to tell them all off...even if it gets his teeth kicked in. ********** Bill the Vampire (the Tome of Bill, part 1) is 80,000 words of foul-mouthed horror comedy Available for: Kindle | Nook | Kobo | Google Play | iBooks | Paperback | Audiobook | Smashwords
	SCARY DEAD THINGS (The Tome of Bill, Part 2) There are reasons we fear the night. He STILL isn't one of them. Bill Ryder, the trash-talking undead geek from Bill the Vampire, is back and about to find himself in a whole new world of side-splitting insanity. One of the most powerful vampires on the planet has given Bill a death sentence. Meanwhile, an immortal princess wants him for an entirely different purpose, one which makes his first issue seem almost preferable. All the while, new and powerful forces have begun to emerge from the shadows around him. Are they friend or foe? Knowing his luck, do you even have to ask? Bill's only hope is to marshal his friends, master his powers, and somehow prove that he's the scariest dead thing of them all. ********** Scary Dead Things (The Tome of Bill, part 2) is 80,000 words of foul-mouthed horror comedy Available for: Kindle | Nook | Kobo | Google Play | iBooks | Paperback | Audiobook | Smashwords
	THE MOURNING WOODS (The Tome of Bill, Part 3) Three words: Vampires versus Sasquatch. Bill Ryder: undead geek, dateless dweeb, and legendary vampire is back in his wildest adventure yet. A war is brewing between ancient enemies from the dawn of time. If it can’t be stopped, the veil will be lifted and all of humanity’s darkest nightmares will be unleashed to wreak havoc. Bill and his friends are the only chance we have...Lord help us all! The vampire nation dispatches Bill to a faraway land to broker peace, but it’s not going to be easy. His enemies want him dead. Hell, some of his allies do too. Danger lurks at every turn and in places where he least expects it. Now Bill must rely on his friends, master his fledgling powers, and use every four-letter word in his arsenal to stop the war, uncover the conspiracy, and solve the mystery that lies at the heart of the Mourning Woods. ********** The Mourning Woods (the Tome of Bill, part 3) is 90,000 words of foul-mouthed horror hilarity Available for: Kindle | Nook | Kobo | Google Play | iBooks | Paperback | Audiobook | Smashwords
	HOLIER THAN THOU (The Tome of Bill, Part 4) There are reasons the undead fear the night. Bill Ryder - gamer, geek, and legendary vampire - has woman troubles. The girl he wants is deadly to him. The girl who wants him is deadly to everyone else. He’s trapped in the most lethal love triangle he can imagine and it’s only going to get worse. On the eve of war, The Icon - ancient foe of the vampire race - has arisen. Panic is about to break out within the undead ranks and Bill is caught smack dab in the middle of it. Destiny has placed them on a cataclysmic collision course, but there’s just one small catch: he’s in love with her. Now he finds himself in a race against supernatural assassins to save the person who’s fated to destroy him. Talk about being damned if you do... Unsure of his allies and outnumbered by enemies, Bill must dig deep within himself and find the faith to succeed - because if he fails, it’ll be more than just his social life in tatters. ********** Holier Than Thou (the Tome of Bill, part 4) is 100k words of foul-mouthed undead insanity Available for: Kindle | Nook | Kobo | Google Play | iBooks | Paperback | Audiobook | Smashwords
	SUNSET STRIP: A Tale From The Tome Of Bill My name is Sally. For over thirty years I've prowled the night, one of the undead. In that time I've walked amongst you - a wolf in sheep's clothing - doing unspeakable things, killing countless people. Now, on the eve of Armageddon, a chance for redemption presents itself. My past has come looking for me, beckoning me back to the city of my rebirth. Those who killed me the first time are intent on finishing the job. I'm outnumbered and outgunned, but they've got another thing coming if they think I'm outclassed. Unspeakable horrors, both old and new, await me in the City of Sin, but in the end they're all going to learn one very painful lesson: Payback is a Bitch. ********** Sunset Strip (a tale from the Tome of Bill) is 60k words of paranormal fantasy with attitude. Available for: Kindle | Nook | Kobo | Google Play | iBooks | Paperback | Audiobook | Smashwords
	GODDAMNED FREAKY MONSTERS (The Tome of Bill, Part 5) There are reasons we fear the night. Now he's trying to stop them. Three months have passed since the fateful encounter in New York City that ended with the disappearance of Bill Ryder - gamer, geek, and legendary vampire. Now he's back - reawakened halfway across the globe with no allies, clothing, or clue as to how he got there. The only thing he's certain of is that his captors plan to use him for their own nefarious ends and don't care how much blood they spill in the process. Escape might be the least of his worries, though. Civilization teeters on the brink of chaos. Mythical beasts, once thought the stuff of fantasy, are breaking through the veil, intent on waging war against mankind. At their forefront stands an ancient evil, the last remnant of a people thought long dead, and it's about to cut a swath of destruction through the world not seen since biblical times. Bill's only chance is to reclaim his life, reconcile with his friends, and muster every bit of attitude he can - because if he fails, Hell on Earth will become far more than just a corny saying. ***** Goddamned Freaky Monsters (the Tome of Bill, part 5) is 105k words of foul-mouthed horror hilarity. Available for: Kindle | Nook | Kobo | Google Play | iBooks | Paperback | Audiobook | Smashwords
	HALF A PRAYER (The Tome of Bill, part 6) Terror lurks below and it’s about to surface. The end of the world is rapidly approaching, but Bill Ryder - gamer, geek, and legendary vampire - finds himself with more pressing concerns to worry about: the women in his life. Sidelined from action, he’s forced to reevaluate his feelings. Sadly for him, it’s a luxury he can ill afford. An unstoppable terror from the dawn of time has awoken deep beneath the Earth and is headed his way. To make matters worse, he’s been deemed a traitor by those he thought to be his allies. Now he finds himself fighting off enemies from all sides while warring with his emotions. Talk about sucky timing for introspection. As the world crumbles to pieces around him, Bill must muster his courage, master his powers, and rise to the destiny he’s been trying so long to deny - because if he doesn’t, his love life will be the least of his worries. ********** Half-a-Prayer (the Tome of Bill, part 6) is 130k words of foul-mouthed Urban Fantasy Available for: Kindle | Nook | Kobo | Google Play | iBooks | Paperback | Audiobook | Smashwords
	BIGFOOT HUNTERS Evolution is about to be kicked in the teeth by some very large feet. When Harrison Kent suggests a camping trip to the dense woods of Colorado, his friends are all for a little adventure. What awaits them, though, is far more than they ever bargained for. They discover that Sasquatch is real; however, these are not the shy creatures of legend. A madness has claimed them, one which has erased their once-peaceful nature and left in its place an unstoppable horde of ravenous monsters. Now Harrison, his friends, and the unsuspecting residents of a remote town find themselves in a fight for their lives against the bloodthirsty beasts...a fight that they're ill-equipped to win. But the woods hold more than one secret. There are other forces at play. If they can survive long enough, they might just be able to even the odds. It's primal fury versus a whole lot of bullets, in a battle to determine once and for all: who is the hunter and who is the hunted? ********** Bigfoot Hunters is 90,000 words of graphic Horror Adventure (mature audiences only) Available for: Kindle | Nook | Kobo | Google Play | iBooks | Paperback | Audiobook | Smashwords
	THE TOME OF BILL COMPENDIUM (volume 1) There are reasons people fear the dark. Bill Ryder isn't one of them. Gamer, Geek, and Legendary Vampire - The Tome of Bill is the tale of an unlikely hero who finds himself dragged kicking and screaming into the world of the undead. Despite awesome supernatural powers, loyal allies, and an attitude the size of Brooklyn; the odds are still stacked heavily against him. Bill must fulfill his destiny and save the world from the ancient horrors that threaten it - all while trying to work up the nerve to finally ask out the girl of his dreams. The Compendium edition (vol 1) contains the first four novels of this best-selling series, over 1000 pages of foul-mouthed horror hilarity in one collection. Big box set savings for even bigger laughs. BILL THE VAMPIRE SCARY DEAD THINGS THE MOURNING WOODS HOLIER THAN THOU Also includes bonus Tome of Bill short stories and character interviews Join Bill in these full-length tales of monsters and bloody mayhem that don't pull any punches when it comes to action, gore, or snarky banter. ********** The Tome of Bill Compendium (vol 1) is over 360K words of undead insanity. Available for: Kindle | Nook | Kobo | Google Play | iBooks | Smashwords
	THE POPTART MANIFESTO What do umbrellas, mutants, dead plumbers, and of course Pop-Tarts have to do with each other? Nothing really. However, they're all things that the author thinks about...A LOT. Take a journey down this path and see how all of the above, plus a bunch of other odd topics, make their twisted sense to the author. The Poptart Manifesto is 13 short stories of weird thoughts coupled with slightly out of the ordinary events that are sure to make you think. Or not. But they might, just might, give you a chuckle or two. ********** Available for: Kindle