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Aug 28, 2014

Author sales milestones as told by a D&D Gamer...

So, young writer, you wish to be an author, eh?  Well, sit down and I shall tell you of the doom that awaits thee - be it wondrous treasure or a shallow unmarked grave.

Many have traveled your path. Most have fallen. Some have become lords of their own fiefdoms. And a select few have lived long enough to become legend itself.

Here be the levels of acclaim that await you as you seek out adventure.

You wrote a book:  Congratulations. You have chosen to walk where others only dream to tread. Your friends and family might be content with the simple life of a villager, but you see a different path. Trading in your plow for a sword or spell book might confuse or even anger some, but you are confident that this is the life you were born to.

Your Very First Sale: Be it kobold or brigand, you have conquered your first foe and survived to tell the tale. Huzzah! Others may scoff, but you know this is but the first of many victories to come. You may be alone in raising a toast to your conquest, but deep down know that someday that will change.

1000 Sales: You’re a fledgling adventurer. Your mentors at the fighter's or mage's guild have grudgingly admitted your potential and cast you out to be on your way. With coin in pocket and honed weapons at the ready, you eagerly set forth on whatever journey the fates have in store for you.  At first you seek out minor foes, but your confidence and skill grows with every enemy you fell.

10,000 Sales: You have attained the standing of local hero, having cleared out the surrounding woods of orcs, dire wolves, and other such threats. When the village constable has an issue, you’re the first person he approaches to solve it.  You dream of becoming one of the heroes of legend, but for now are content to launch into action whenever the call is made, knowing that your time shall come.

50,000 Sales: A grizzled veteran, you have waged many a war and saved many a kingdom. Lusty tavern wenches (or knaves) await your return at every town you visit as well as do your seemingly endless enemies, but you welcome whatever challenge they offer. You begin to attract the attention of henchmen and squires hoping to learn your secrets to longevity.

100,000 Sales:  You have earned much fear and respect as an epic hero.  Your victories are not easily counted and bards sing songs of your conquests throughout the lands. Nobles, Warlords, and the highest circles of mystic power call upon you when the very world itself is in danger - knowing that you and you alone can stand against the menace. You would be a king by your hand save that the thirst for adventure still holds sway over your heart.

1 Million Sales: In a flash of divine lightning, you shed your mortal coil and ascend to immortality as a minor deity. Followers offer sacrifices and whisper your name in the hopes that they shall receive your blessing. When you speak, your words thunder through the heavens and are written down on stone tablets as law for all to follow.  Unbeknownst to most, though, you sit on your celestial throne with a troubled brow,  knowing that the heavens are not as eternal as mere mortals may think.  You are not idle in your pursuits, however. Should your Pantheon fall, you are taking steps to ensure your name lives on for all eternity.

Now you see what glory awaits those who are worthy. Go forth, write many a book, and be eaten by your fate

Aug 25, 2014

The Mourning Woods - the 2014 runner up for best horror!

The title says it all. The Mourning Woods (the Tome of Bill, part 3) took the Runner-Up spot for best independent horror novel in the 2014 eFestival of Words virtual book fair.

Woot!  Talk about awesome news. I am flattered, honored, and humbled all at once.  This is especially cool since, to be perfectly honest, I think The Mourning Woods plays more heavily to the humor aspect than to that of outright terror. Albeit being stuck out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by enemies, is nobody's idea of a picnic.

All that being said, scary or not, I think it's a hell of an adventure through the desolate woods of northern Canada for vampire/geek Bill Ryder and his friends as they strive to avert a war 4000 years in the making.

It had laughs, action, thrills, and probably some of my favorite lines from the entire series to date. This being my own personal favorite:

"I’ve known Francois for a very long time and he has always been, as you so eloquently put it, a dick."

Care to know what it means in context?  Well I guess you'll have to read the book.  :)



Three words: Vampires versus Sasquatch.

Bill Ryder: undead geek, dateless dweeb, and legendary vampire is back in his wildest adventure yet.

A war is brewing between ancient enemies from the dawn of time. If it can't be stopped, the veil will be lifted and all of humanity's darkest nightmares will be unleashed to wreak havoc. Bill and his friends are the only chance we have...Lord help us all.

The vampire nation dispatches Bill to a faraway land to broker peace, but it's not going to be easy. His enemies want him dead. Hell, some of his allies do too. Danger lurks at every turn and in places where he least expects it.

Now he must rely on his friends, master his fledgling powers, and use every four-letter word in his arsenal to stop the war, uncover the conspiracy, and solve the mystery that lies at the heart of the Mourning Woods.

***

The Mourning Woods (the Tome of Bill, part 3) is 90,000 words of foul-mouthed horror hilarity by Rick Gualtieri, author of Bill the Vampire and Scary Dead Things.

Aug 2, 2014

And the number 1 Worlds of Bill Fanfic is....

The Worlds of Bill Fanfic Contest is over and you have chosen the winners!

The Runner up:
DUNGEONS AND DREADLOCKS


1st Prize Winner:
THE HUNTERS AND THE HUNTED


And finally the winner of the Grand Price:
THE TROUBLE WITH TOM


Please join me in thanking the winners, and remember that, while it's too late to vote, if you haven't done so already it's definitely not too late to read them.

Oh and a reminder that you'll be seeing our grand prize winner again, once the story of our nerdy vampire Freewill has come to a close and the Tome of Bill Compendium: Volume 2 is released.

In the meantime, I'm hard at work on HALF A PRAYER (the Tome of Bill, part 6).  That being said,  I'll just shut up now and get back to writing it. ;)